This is just so off the wall, I’m not sure I can even believe it. I am truly, truly struggling with this story. How can a reputable reporter like Jay Glazer have taken the bait on a tale and featured it so prominently in his weekly column? Answer: maybe it’s true. Check out what happened with Chargers special teams coach, Steve Crosby:

Crosby received the oddest of calls this week while the team was practicing in Arizona. Crosby’s house is near the San Diego Wild Animal Park, a safari-type theme park in the San Diego area. Apparently, the fires ripped apart some openings in the park, allowing some of the animals to roam where they wanted.

Crosby received a call from his wife informing him that she walked outside to assess the damage and — get this — she found a hippopotamus in their swimming pool! A hippo! She called the authorities, who came and tranquilized the animal and removed it from their swimming pool.

I’ve always wondered whether or not those things could get loose, now I guess we know the answer. It’s like Ju-effing-manji in real life. Freaking insane. That is our world without boundaries, my friends. And for everyone who ever had nightmares that gators or sharks were in their pool, looks like you never know what can pop up.

UPDATE: USA Today Sports Scope says the story is bogus.

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Larry Fitzgerald hit with paternity suit from Raiderette [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

New Subway commercial making fun of Ed Hochuli? [The Hater Nation]

Jason Elam has a book coming out [100% Injury Rate]

A wedding Carolina Panthers style [Deadspin]

Bai Ling gets topless in a magazine [Egotastic!]

High school football in Bama as corrupt as you thought [Rumors and Rants]

Just how bad is analyst Eduardo Perez for ESPN? [We Are the Postmen]

Top NBA story lines as movies posters [Half Court Heave]

Petra Nemcova looking hot as hell [Popoholic]

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I saw this story somewhere and wanted to visit it for a moment. The University of North Dakota — with which you’re already well acquainted because of their powerhouse college football program — has settled a suit with the NCAA. The suit will give them three years to get approval from the Sioux tribes to use the nickname, “Fighting Sioux,” which has been the school’s mascot of choice for the past I dunno, 124 years.

Much like the Seminole tribe in Florida, I would only think that having such a nickname is nothing but good publicity. Then again, until Brown University changes to the “Fighting Yids,” I really can’t put myself in their shoes to make the decision. In the position to make the decision however, are Myra Pearson, chairman of the Spirit Lake Sioux, and the chairman of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe, Ron His Horse Is Thunder.

Now things might get a little sticky when it comes time for the two sides to meet. I mean seriously, what do you do? Hello, I’m Larry from the University of North Dakota. How do you do, Mr. Thunder? Or is it Horse? On second thought, should I call you Mr. His Horse Is Thunder? I’m just wondering why the Sioux get tight ass last names like that. Screw it, from now on, I will be Larry His Thunder Stick Is Mighty. Any references to the last name Brown will be heretofor expunged.

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Now we’re rolling at 7-1-1 on the year after another 3-0 week. You know what that means? I’m due for an 0-3 week coming up! Just kidding. Here are this week’s picks, as shown at FanHouse:

I never thought there would be a day that I would pull for Alex Smith, but there’s always a first for everything.

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I haven’t followed the Boston Bruins much since they got rid of my boy Joe Thornton, but I know they acquired Zdeno Chara and subsequently signed him to a free agent deal. And this much I know about Chara: he’s 6′9″, 251lbs, and he’s 100% Czech. Oh yeah, and if you mess with him, bad things happen. Just ask David Koci (warning, this video is not for the light at heart):

Koci making a donation to the Red Cross = greatest line EVA. I’m guessing a few of Chara’s punches landed on both Koci’s helmet and face, and that’s why Chara was examining his hand afterwards, and why Koci’s face was so bloody. Whatever. Lesson be learned: don’t *** with Zdeno Chara.

(Thanks to FanHouse for the vid)

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A few weeks ago, I presented you the story of Joakim Noah screwing up his doughnut duty as part of his rookie hazing with the Bulls. Ben Gordon was upset that Noah had been bringing Dunkin’ Donuts to the facility instead of Krispy Kreme. Well, that little faux pas resulted in Gordon serving dougnuts at a local shop. Here’s why:

Seems the Bulls’ marketing department was none too pleased that Gordon went public with his complaint that Joakim Noah brought the team doughnuts from Dunkin’ Donuts each day, instead of from Krispy Kreme, as part of Noah’s rookie initiation.

Dunkin’ Donuts is a Bulls sponsor — which is why Gordon found himself serving up pastries and coffee at a Dunkin’ Donuts near the Berto Center after practice.

[Ben] Wallace said he was ready to make Gordon work.

”I’m going to send them back about 10 times because there is a certain way I like my doughnuts,” Wallace said. ”I’m pretty sure he’ll get it wrong.”

First Roy Williams delivers pizza, and now we have Ben Gordon serving doughnuts? What’s next? Ron Artest assisting you at Best Buy? Oh wait …

(via Ben Maller)

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