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Rangers’ announcer Dave Barnett has a brief moment of insanity on air (Audio)

What you just heard (if you turned your volume way up) is a snippet of Texas Rangers announcer Dave Barnett having what can only be described as an out-of-body, hallucinating experience.

“A 2-1 game, the tying run on second — a lead-off single by Chase Headley. Go-ahead run is at (pause) fifth on what Adams is insisting on calling it a botched robbery. What actually happened was his henchman (pause) took piece literally out of my, his–.”

Go ahead run is at 5th base? Maybe Dave Barnett is just thinking of Josh Hamilton during his party days when he became the first person in human history to make it to the coveted 5th base. One can only assume that getting to 5th base involves at least 20 women, a couple of dwarfs, and a Unicorn. Not too sure where the botched robbery that Adams’ is insisting on calling it would be. One of the dwarfs trying to steal Hamilton’s pants but gets kicked by the Unicorn and bursts into a thousand gold coins? Seems legit enough.

Legitimately the only explanation I could think of for Barnett’s ramble.

UPDATE: Barnett will miss at least two games to undergo evaluation after that episode. He believes it may have to do with migraines.

H/T Deadspin

TCU needs to keep this welcoming video away from its recruits (Video)

You hear that? That’s the sound of most of the Texas Christian University (TCU) incoming freshman calling up their safety schools asking if it’s too late to register for classes. “Call Me Maybe” is already the most popular and overplayed song in the world with new parodies going viral everyday. For TCU’s sake, they should have thought twice before joining the crowd, thought three times about whether or not to film it and just fire, tar and feather who ever put it on YouTube. Christians haven’t look this bad since the Crusades.

TCU’s 2012 football recruiting class was ranked 24th by ESPN. If any of the 23 signed players witnessed this abomination they may have already jumped ship to rival SMU. There’s a strong chance The Big East is going to use this in their lawsuit.

Legendary Bulls PA announcer provides greatest wedding intros ever (Video)

It doesn’t matter how much the former public address announcer for the Bulls was paid, it wasn’t enough. Ray Clay delivered and then some for the newly married Jaquettes at their wedding in Colorado over the weekend. “The Turkey” escorting the girl with “the bun in the oven” were easily the MVP’s of the lineup. Hopefully everyone in the audience knew of the pregnancy before Ray Clay spilled those beans.

Not gonna lie though, they definitely could have had a greatest wedding moment of all-time if the groom led a “What time is it? Game time hoo!” chant then proceeded to dunk a baby in the wedding cake. But I guess feeling like Michael Jordan on your wedding day is good enough.

H/T Deadspin

Of course Mike Tyson wrote a song about LeBron James (Video)

Mike Tyson, who hasn’t boxed since losing to Kevin McBride in 2005, is still relevant and still hilarious. Tyson showed off his singing skills on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” Tuesday night by performing his song power ballad about LeBron James. All bets are that Tyson wrote the piece himself and if he didn’t, Jimmy Kimmel and his writers are pure geniuses to dish off the line “LeBron James is great, he makes Cleveland irate” to someone with probable brain damage. At least it’s nice to see the former heavyweight champ doing something constructive with his time that doesn’t involve more pigeons or face tattoos.

Dad inspires/embarrasses son with improvised speech from ‘Miracle’ to get him ready for job interview (Video)

YouTubeTo our beloved Matt,

This is just our way of wishing you the best of luck tomorrow and on all of your future adventures.

We love you!!

Herb Brooks would be proud, I guess? The father you see above did his best impersonation of the 1980 US Olympic Hockey coach (first done by Kurt Russell in the movie “Miracle”) to help inspire his son to land a job, and I’m guessing to get his butt off their couch and move the hell out. There’s nothing like comparing arguably the greatest sporting contest in history — which not only transcended the game of hockey but also worldwide politics — to an entry level copywriting gig. But, hey, to each his own. Mike Eruzione and Don Draper (clutch name drop, Dad) had to start somewhere. If this helped get our beloved Matt the position, more power to him.

Bill Belichick spotted in cut-off sweatshirt and happy face at Celtics-Heat game

"I remember having fun once. It was awful."

Yes, Boston was getting blown away, but does Bill Belichick ever look like he’s enjoying himself? It’s Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals, coach. Lighten up a little. It’s not like you’re opening up against LeBron and KG at WR and TE in September and are scouting. No need to cower in your trademarked, cut-off sweatshirt to the point where it makes you look like Warwick Davis from Life’s Too Short. Guess when you’ve won 3 Super Bowl rings you get to pick and choose when you’re having a good time.

H/T Barstool Boston for the photo

Hula hoop girl gives Philadelphia Eagles fans a distraction from 52-year championship drought

Yes, Eagles fans, there may be hope after all. Katie Sunshine is a professional hula hoop girl with a passion for anything and everything Philadelphia Eagles. Her tight-to-the-skin Eagles wardrobe includes team logo’d Uggs, which until now it was assumed only Tom Brady has been feminine enough to wear (BOOM!). Regardless, the Eagles need to get her on the payroll with a 1080 HD Video Camera, ASAP. Smoking hot and talented…unless she’s under 18, then she’s just talented.

H/T Guyism