5 key questions for the second round of the NBA playoffs

Eight teams down and eight teams left. The NBA postseason continues to lurch forward with the intensity of a Russell Westbrook rim run (rest easy, beautiful Brodie), and the Round 2 dinner bell has officially sounded. Advance hither, brethren, for before us awaits an enchanted land of heroes, villains, and robots who bleed antifreeze (hey Kawhi). I hereby present to thee: five key questions for the conference semifinal round.

1. Which versions of Kyle Lowry and DeMar DeRozan will we see against Cleveland: The Cash Brothers or The Trash Brothers?

The Toronto Raptors’ dynamic backcourt tandem often recalls to mind Jerry’s “two-face” girlfriend from the classic sitcom Seinfeld, and let’s just say that there has been some bad lighting on the porch these playoffs.

After shooting 46.4 and 46.7 percent from the field respectively during the regular season, Lowry and DeRozan saw their numbers dip to 42.6 and 43.9 percent in their first-round series against Milwaukee. Granted, this is nothing new for the duo, who often struggle to replicate their usual efficiency come postseason time.

As the breadwinners of the Toronto offense, Lowry and DeRozan’s stunning playoff inconsistency helped the team develop a reputation as underachievers, something they didn’t really shake until a berth in last year’s Eastern Conference Finals. But now that the Raptors will again cross paths with the Cleveland Cavaliers — the very same team that eliminated them in that aforementioned series — do they conquer their demons or are they ensnared by their old bad habits yet again? Let’s hope for Drake’s sake that it’s the former.

2. Will LeBron James ever tire?

I don’t profess to be an anatomy expert, but something tells me that a 32-year-old playing nearly 44 minutes a game isn’t exactly ideal. Then again, it is essentially common knowledge by now that LeBron Raymone James does not subscribe to the basic limitations of the human body.

LeBron averaged 37.8 minutes per game during the regular season, missing eight games entirely as he prepared for another postseason run. Now he’s kicked it up a notch by playing at least 42 minutes in each of the Cavs’ first-round games against the Pacers, including 45 minutes in Games 3 and 4.

The King’s workload to this point of the postseason comes with the usual sample size caveats, and Cavs head coach Tyronn Lue swears that there’s a method behind all the madness. But a date with an unfriendly Raptors team who acquired P.J. Tucker at the deadline in an effort to make his life miserable could force James to produce further superhuman feats.

Still, we’re talking about a genetically-engineered, basketball-playing mutant here, so he should be able to handle it fairly easily.

3. Can the Jazz do anything to slow down Golden State?

Utah survived a grueling seven-game series against the Clippers and withstood Rudy Gobert’s best glass impression as well as a baptism by fire at the hands of Chris Paul in order to advance to the second round. Their prize? Death by a Bay Area meteor shower, it seems.

A rendezvous with the Warriors is going to feel like déjà vu all over again for the Jazz, who have developed something of a tradition of futility against their Western Conference rivals these last few seasons. They have dropped 12 of their last 14 regular season games against Golden State dating back to the 2013-14 campaign, with nine of those defeats coming by double-digits. But was a 105-99 Utah victory at Oracle Arena when these two teams last met earlier this month the beginning of a new dawn?

On paper, the Jazz are as good of a matchup against the Dubs as any. They slow down the pace, limit opposing possessions, and work hard to limit the transition game, preferring instead to wear you down in the halfcourt. A healthy Gobert is also an ideal defensive counter to the Warriors attack, not just for his well-known abilities as a rim protector but as a game-changing pick-and-roll presence who allows teammates to stay home on shooters too.

Still, going up against two of the top three players in the NBA and four of the top 20, do the Jazz have a prayer of reversing their fortunes against the Golden State guillotine once and for all this time around? Probably not, especially considering that the Warriors will have had over a full week of rest before the series tips off. But as a great man by the name of Dion Waiters once (may have) said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”

Shoot that shot, Utah. Shoot that shot.

4. What sparks can we expect from the Wizards-Celtics blood feud?

For a rivalry that very well may be the NBA’s darkest (literally) as well as its stupidest (nose boops, anybody?), Boston vs. Washington requires no further introduction. These two teams care for each other about as much as Howie Mandel cares for a public restroom, and now the bad blood can marinate over the glowing broth of a seven-game series.

Grudge match narratives aside even, this series will offer a lot of intrigue along with a lot of questions. Will Isaiah Thomas have anywhere to hide on defense? Can John Wall continue lighting the sky ablaze? Does Brad Stevens finally shorten his rotation? Will the Wizards activate triple-MMA mode this time around? Can somebody please get some air freshener for Marcus Smart’s jumper?

A 123-111 victory by the Celtics in Game 1 provided us with some of the answers. But now it’s time to throw on our finest all-black garbs and find out the rest of them for ourselves.

5. Who will emerge victorious in Battle: Texas?

A beard and his army of shooters versus a claw and his legion of veterans. A battle of biblical proportions that emerged from the pits of ancient Babylon? Not quite, but the clash between the Houston Rockets and the San Antonio Spurs for Texas state supremacy promises to be epic nonetheless.

It’s the sensible smugness of Gregg Popovich pitted against the clean-shaven delirium of Mike D’Antoni. Fundamentals facing off with fireworks. System going toe-to-toe against speed. Wily veterans like Manu Ginobili and Boom Boom Pau Gasol engaging in hostilities with similarly-versed contemporaries such as Nene and Trevor Ariza. James Harden attempting to slay the playoff hopes and dreams of another fellow MVP aspirant in Kawhi Leonard and make it look sexy.

Let’s get to cooking, basketball fans.