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Thursday, July 28, 2016

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11-Year-Old Demias Jimerson Banned from Scoring Touchdowns for Being too Good

One 11-year-old boy is so good at football that his local league had to invoke a rule that bans him from scoring touchdowns. No joke. Demias Jimerson is a sixth grader from Arkansas and he plays in the Wilson Intermediate Football League. The league has a ruled dubbed the Madres Hill Rule, which is named after the former Arkansas Razorback star running back. The rule stipulates that a player cannot score any more touchdowns if his team is already up by 14 points and he’s already scored three TDs.

Want to see what this 11-year-old star looks like? Take a peak at this video, courtesy of FOX 16 in Arkansas:

The kid is a straight up burner, is he not? Pretty easy to see why they had to put a limit on his greatness — he was literally running circles around the other players.

Helmet knock to Guyism

NFL Picks Against the Spread Week 4 – Doc Brown Special

Doc Brown took a beating in his picks last week against the spread. But for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. So you know what that means? It’s time to recover and get that record straight.

Once again, the lines are very well placed by the folks in Vegas. There are a few lines that seem to stand out. For instance, both Doc and Del are loving the Giants on the road only giving one point. The only games we truly differ on are the Rams-Redskins contest, and Dolphins-Chargers. Del was unimpressed by San Diego last weekend and thinks the Dolphins will be desperate for a win. Doc was unimpressed by the Chargers as well, but thinks they’re a better team than what they’ve shown, and that Philip Rivers will have an improved week.

On with the picks before we get into more analysis.

NFL PICKS WEEK 4
(ATS = Against the Spread, SU = Straight Up)

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Rangers Fan Throws Kelly Shoppach Home Run Ball Back. Promptly. (Animated)

Rays catcher Kelly Shoppach burned the Rangers for two home runs in Game 1 of the ALDS Friday. Seeing him hit the dinger was worth it just to watch the fan in center field throw it back with ferocity:

Over and over and over again. Oh, so worth it. Easily the best home run ball thrown back in the history of home run balls thrown back. By the way, who had Kelly Shoppach as the game one hero for the Rays? Dude went 3-for-3 with three runs scored and five RBIs in his first three plate appearances.

Forearm bash to the brilliant Tim Burke at Mock Session for the GIF

Bucky the Badger Caught Facebook Stalking Wilma the Wildcat (Video)

I hadn’t seen that ESPN commercial until my buddy Sam at Play Action Picks shared it with me, but it’s definitely a good one. There’s nothing quite as awkwardly amusing as furry love. What would be sick is seeing Bucky Badger fight a death match with the Oregon Duck for the right to Wilma’s heart. Make it happen, ESPN.

Does Jerry Buss Believe Kobe Bryant Is Worth $70 Million a Year to the Lakers?

The NBA owners have locked out the players and the sides are working on negotiating a new collective bargaining agreement. There is currently a soft salary cap and a maximum placed on the amount of money players can earn. Kobe Bryant is the top earner in the NBA in terms of annual salary, making just over $25 million per season. Few people would argue that he’s not worth more to the Lakers organization. According to a report, team owner Jerry Buss agrees.

In a column on NBA player salaries not matching the value of true stars, Adrian Wojnarowski drops in the following nugget.

“Privately, Jerry Buss has told people that Bryant – who will make a league-high $25 million this season under his current contract terms – is worth perhaps $70 million a year to the Los Angeles Lakers.”

Players like Kobe capitalize on endorsement deals so it’s not as if they’re not making major money. Still, few people would say the game’s superstars are not worth more than they make from their teams. On the other hand, most of the bench players and mid-level guys are worth far less than what they make.

The information above may serve as an argument to remove the salary cap and make the NBA a free market system. I disagree. The most competitive leagues have hard salary caps because that puts teams on equal footing. Look at the NFL and NHL — teams have hope that they can succeed from year-to-year whereas MLB and NBA teams pretty much already know where they stand before seasons begin. Now if you want to remove maximum contracts, that is reasonable. However, it would likely come at the cost of the NBA’s mid-level players, for whom owners might have less money.

Thank you, I am a GM

Bruins Fan Anthony Sorrentino Shaves Bruins Logo into his Back Hair (Picture)

Above is Boston Bruins fan Anthony Sorrentino. He told NESN.com that he shaved the Bruins logo into his back hair in an effort to score tickets to the team’s home opener. I don’t know what wooly sweater decorations have to do with tickets, but I’m not asking questions. If it doesn’t work out for him, the Lynn, Ma. native should make arrangements to watch the game with LBS staff writer Del, who resides in the same town. At any rate, I’ll take my Bruins playoff beard over the back hair logo any day. Gross bro, gross.

Does it Matter if Red Sox Pitchers Drank Beer During Games on Their Off Days?

Now that the Red Sox have completed their historic September collapse, the media and fans have the rest of the year to dissect what went wrong with the team. It’s widely expected that manager Terry Francona will not be back, and many other changes to the team could be made. One of the arguments for getting rid of Francona is that he lost proper control of the clubhouse.

A report published in The Boston Herald Friday says some Red Sox pitchers drank beer during games on the days they didn’t pitch. The professionalism of those players has been called into question.

Francona also reportedly had to call a team meeting after a 14-0 win to address negativity and a lack of cohesion. His comments at a press conference Thursday indicate that team chemistry was an issue. But despite all that, the Red Sox were having a successful season and appeared poised for a postseason appearance until their collapse.

Many of these items would never have been referenced had the Red Sox not blown their wild card lead.

Now that they have, the question must be asked: Is drinking beer in the clubhouse during a game an issue?

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Back in August, a Few Braves Filmed a Skit About Clearing Their October Schedules

The Atlanta Braves blew an 8.5 game playoff lead in September, but you could consider them lucky. Thanks to the Red Sox’s historic collapse, the failures of the Braves have been somewhat overlooked. Not anymore.

Allow us to enjoy this moment of schadenfreude shared by SI Hot Clicks:

I tend to mix up my idioms from time to time, but I believe there is some sort saying about horses and carts. Maybe some of the Braves players could provide some assistance for me. Not like they have anything better to do.

Tony Dungy Could See Peyton Manning Walking Away from Football in a Year

Peyton Manning had been a bastion of good health throughout his NFL career until succumbing to a neck injury recently. In early September, the All-Pro quarterback had a third procedure on his neck, ending his streak of 227 consecutive starts. His former coach, Tony Dungy, doesn’t believe the quarterback will exit the game on this note. However, Dungy could envision Peyton walking away from the game after one more year.

“I don’t think it would be hard to walk away from the game where he is now, with everything that he’s done. He loves it, he’s very competitive,” Dungy said during a guest appearance on PTI Thursday. “I don’t think he’ll walk away like this unless the doctors tell him that he can’t play. I think he wants to come back and have a great year. I could see him walking away after one more year, but I know him as a competitor, and there’s no way he wants to leave because of an injury.”

Dungy coached Peyton for seven years, so we trust his insight on the subject. However, he conceded that he no longer has insider info on his former quarterback.

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Brandon Jacobs Goes LeBron on Haters, Tells Them to go back to Miserable Lives

Brandon Jacobs has a message for all the people doubting the New York Giants, and it’s one that may sound familiar. “The people outside that want to say they’re fans and don’t believe in us, I couldn’t care less if they ever believed in us,” Jacobs said Thursday. “They don’t mean anything to us if they didn’t believe in us. They can go back and finish living their miserable lives as they’ve been living and hoping that they lose and whatever.”

I get how it is when you’re in a locker room and feeling like the world is against you, but don’t Jacobs’ comments seem just a tad bit overboard? And isn’t that nearly identical to what LeBron James said after losing the NBA Finals?

LeBron: “Because at the end of the day, all the people that were rooting for me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today.”

So is that the new form of payback from athletes to fans? You have negativity for us? Well you’re the one who has to go back to your miserable life.

I don’t know about you, but maybe that’s not the best approach for an athlete. You’re probably going to lose more supporters than you’ll gain by telling people to go back to their miserable lives if they’re not getting on board with Eli Manning and the 25 interceptions he threw last season. But hey, who are we to bring a fresh dose of reality to the Giants locker room?

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