David Carr: Please Lose the Gloves

David Carr Gloves

Usually I’m not one to bash an athlete for their looks. Performance is one thing, but looks is another. Accessories however, are fair game. Take for instance Panthers quarterback, David Carr. He could just as easily suck without the gloves. Why look like the white Michael Jackson if it’s by choice? Not as if the gloves are actually helping — unless you’re telling me he’d threw eight picks instead of three per game.

Seriously, does anything look more ridiculous than a quarterback making a fashion statement — and sucking to boot? That’s like the kid who used to show up at little league with the fancy equipment. You all had one of those on your team. The kid wouldn’t share his $300 bat with anyone else, all the while going 0-for-4 without touching a ball. What’s the point? If you’re going to go all eccentric on me Carr, do us all a favor: complete a few passes.

Oh yeah, and it’s officially confirmed — the Texans did not stink because their line was horrible — it’s because Carr takes too many sacks. How else can you explain Matt Schaub’s success behind the same line in Houston, and Carr’s continual sack problems (hehe) in Carolina where Delhomme succeeded? It’s pretty clear that Carr was the problem in Houston, not vice versa.

(Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

Linkage: Still Hating the Patriots

The New York Post still hates the Patriots [Epic Carnival]

Mayweather wants to penetrate Hatton in weird places [You Been Blinded]

Mark Cuban’s new project: celeb UFC matches [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

Vote Antoine Walker for the NBA All-Star game [Deadspin]

Wifey’s divorcing Hulk Hogan, he finds out from reporter [TMZ]

If you have a thing for Pau Gasol figurines, you’re covered [100% Injury Rate]

Steve Beuerlein a bonafide USC hater [Awful Announcing]

An argument for Chase Daniel to win the Heisman [Signal to Noise]

Best Referee Penalty Call Ever

We’re all pretty familiar with the dissertations Ed Hochuli gives when handing out penalties. And when it comes to cinema, the description from Necessary Roughness was pretty tight. But as far as real life football goes, this might just be the best penalty call EVA:

Thanks to the Brothers, Mottram of Mr. Irrelevant. I am somewhat alarmed, as this referee may have jacked the line!

UCLA Completes Four Passes, Beats Oregon, Dorrell Lives, Rose Bowl Alive

A few weeks ago, I thought Dorrell had lived his last life. Apparently this cat has twenty of them. Somehow or another, the Bruins beat Oregon, eliminating the Ducks from Rose Bowl contention. UCLA completed four — count em — just four passes in the ballgame. Yikes. Luckily for UCLA, Oregon was in similar quarterback hell, alternating between second, third, and fourth stringers. So what does this all mean? In this effed up world of college football, the Bruins are still alive in the Pac-10 race. They beat USC (yes, I’m laughing to myself), while Arizona knocks off Arizona State, and they’re in the Rose Bowl. Of course, give me a 95 mph fastball and I’m in the majors, you feel?

If UCLA could win a game in which they only completed four passes, why couldn’t they do the same thing against Notre Dame? Maybe Dorrell and the Bruins’ staff wasn’t sharp enough to figure out on the fly that they should just run the ball with a fourth string quarterback rather than let them throw passes and get picked (as Mike Bellotti did). So UCLA will likely finish 6-6, ruining at least one season in the process. Callahan, Morriss, Orgeron, Carr, and Franchione are gone amongst others. Will Dorrell join the group? I think and hope so. The numbers speak for themselves. But I’ll be darned if this guy hasn’t put fans on one hell of a roller coaster ride. And damn, he sure does have far too many lives.

Dog Bites Auburn DB Jerraud Powers During Iron Bowl

The game may have been under the radar for the national scene, but it was as important as ever in Alabama — Nick Saban’s first taste of the Iron Bowl. Sadly for Saban, the Crimson Tide lost 17-10. On the other side of the ball, Auburn sophomore defensive back Jerraud Powers had a pick in the first half, helping his Tigers get the victory. In addition to gaining bragging rights from the win, Powers ended up with quite the battle scar:

After successfully defending a long pass during the fourth quarter, Powers was bitten on his left hand by a police dog stationed beyond the end zone. The sophomore celebrated by mimicking the referee’s signal for an incomplete pass, which the dog interpreted as an aggressive act.

“I saw blood coming out of my glove. I started panicking,” Powers said. ” I was looking toward the sidelines and I was screaming, ‘The dog bit me,’ the next three plays. When I went into the training room I was like: Do I need a rabies shot? Then I thought about it and it is a federal dog. I’m sure he’s the cleanest dog in America. I’ll be sure to wash it out real good.”

I guess the dog was a Bama fan. Sigh. I’m just waiting for Bevo to ram some horns up an opposing linebacker’s ass. Now then we’d be talking.

$90 Million for Torii Hunter? What Are the Angels Thinking?

Under no circumstance can I envision the Angels spending $90 million on Torii Hunter being a good deal. The reason why it caught everyone off-guard, Hunter included, is because the Angels grossly overpaid, and because Hunter probably never dreamed he would get that much. The Twins supposedly offered 3 years for $45, while the White Sox supposedly offered 5 for $75. That’s about right. I thought, and still believe, that Hunter is only worth around 5 for $65. So what makes this deal so horrible? Well, as Ben and I discussed at Obscure Sports Quarterly, it makes no sense on many levels. Let’s begin.

First of all, the Angels have set the free agent market extremely high, screwing many other teams, themselves included, for the future. Now Andruw Jones, Aaron Rowand, and Mike Cameron are probably going to cost a million or two more per year because of the Angels. When the Angels need to re-sign players, or go after other players, Hunter’s contract will be a future benchmark. If I were another GM, I’d be pissed the Angels inflated the market. When Ichiro was extended during the season this year, what’d he get? 5 years for $90 million. Sorry to say it, but Hunter is nowhere near as good as Ichiro, meaning the Angels had no business having Hunter’s contract match Ichiro’s.

Second of all, the Angels now have $130 million, and around $28 million annually allotted for two center fielders. That’s absurd. I can think of hundreds of ways to better spend $130 million. All those rumors about the Angels going after A-Rod? Even as the most expensive player in baseball at $27 million a year, pair him with any guy making the minimum and it’s still better value than Matthews plus Hunter.

Third, it’s like the Angels are just trying to appease the media. Media members say the Angels need a bat to protect Vlad in the order. Sure, sounds great. But one good bat isn’t enough to protect Vlad; they need another top 10 bat to properly protect Vlad. Hunter couldn’t even protect Morneau and Mauer. He batted behind Michael Cuddyer in Minnesota. Yet he’s supposed to protect Vlad? Give me a break. First line of the AP story, Angels now have protection for Vlad. So the media gets what it wants, but the Angels don’t get much better. Even with $90 million on Hunter, the Angels still don’t have as good an offense as Boston, New York, Cleveland, Detroit, or probably Seattle and Toronto.

The Angels covered one mistake (Matthews) with an even bigger mistake. I seriously wonder whether or not Juan Rivera wouldn’t match Hunter’s offensive production on his own. Matthews is probably as good in center as Hunter, or at least close to it, so what are you really gaining? Now there’s a huge log jam in the outfield that will probably be sorted out by trades. But it doesn’t change that the Angels overpaid Hunter, screwing up the market. People ask me why I care, arguing that it’s not my money. Well, I am a forward thinker. If the Angels have $90 million tied up to Torii, how will they afford to re-sign Miguel Cabrera should they acquire him, and how will they re-sign Franky Rodriguez when he comes up, John Lackey when he comes up, and same with Escobar?

How will they have the money to throw at better free agents when the ’08 class comes up? Johan, Sabathia, and Sheets will all be available. Wouldn’t the Angels be better served going after one of these pitchers instead? I certainly think so. Under no circumstance does this signing make sense, and what’s worse, the Angels inflated the market ruining things for themselves and other teams. Your comments and opinions are welcome.

Eric Cartman Introduces the CU Buffs

This is actually something that has irked me lately. I can’t stand some of the introductions they give on TV. Why should Jonathan Papelbon introduce the BC players? Does he even know any of them? Has he ever watched any of their games? If the introducer has to look off camera and read off a teleprompter to find the player’s names, then he probably shouldn’t be introducing them. But when ABC gets creative and has Eric Cartman introduce Colorado’s players, then we’re getting somewhere. Witness:

Thanks to commenter Nick, via Awful Announcing and The Postmen. And yes, Boulder has a lot of hippies.