Well one dude in Minnesota apparently made it happen Monday night.

According to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, officers were called to the Hayes ice arena after people noticed the Zamboni dude was driving erratically. Police say the man was unsteady on his feet and smelled of alcohol when they arrived. The driver failed a field sobriety test and was arrested and taken to police headquarters for a blood-alcohol test.

I’d go on laughing and joking about this, but what’s sad is that this clown apparently has a real drinking and driving problem — he’s been convicted of DUI three times. Still, riding around in a Zamboni while smashed sounds like a lot of fun. Minus the whole DUI accusation, I’m jealous.

via Sports by Brooks Live

According to The Clarion-Ledger, an officer responded to the smell of marijuana coming from Nelson’s apartment early Wednesday morning. The officer knocked on the door but nobody answered. The officer began to leave but ran into a Domino’s Pizza delivery guy on his way out. The pie was being delivered to Nelson’s apartment, so the officer confronted him when he came out to get his pie.

The officer ended up inside the apartment and found eight marijuana roaches made from cigarillos. The officer had responded to a previous complaint at Nelson’s apartment and warned him, but Nelson wasn’t as lucky this time. He was arrested after he and his three guests admitted they were high.

What a bonehead move, huh? Dude had a mad case of the munchies and couldn’t wait a few minutes for the popo to leave? C’mon man.

Chest bump to The Big Lead
Picture via WJTV

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, robbers getting KTFO have become one of my favorite stories here at LBS. Last month, there was a guy whose attempted motel robbery was thwarted by a couple of MMA experts. Then a few weeks ago, there was the mugger who tried to hold up a UFC fighter and ended up in the hospital with a battered face. And now we have this.

A gunman walked into a We Buy Gold store in Hendersonville, N.C. and demanded money. The store clerk, Derek Mothershead, handed him the money, and then dropped him with a monstrous left hook. Check out the video:

Hi, my name’s McLovin, I’d like to buy some … bam! That knockout punch was priceless. Maybe the clerk needs to take up a boxing career with that sort of knockout potential. His quote after the incident was priceless, too.

“If he wants money, get a job. Work like everybody else in this world,” Mothershead said. “I was scared about the gun. When I made my mind up, I said I got to hit him with everything I’ve got.”

Looks like Mothershead broke the guy’s nose. Here’s the robber, Mostafa Hendi, in his mug shot:

Bad. Freaking. Ass. That guy deserves one helluva Christmas bonus on his next paycheck.

What is wrong with you people? Fighting, trampling, rioting, all over a pair of sneakers? You do realize that they’re just shoes, right? They’re just something that covers your feet. They’re not worth injuries or brawls. Come on now.

Below we have a recap of the disturbing stories from around the country where arrests, frenzies, or fights took place because of the pursuit of Air Jordan 11s. The video below gets real ghetto, real fast. I recommend watching at the 1:00 mark:

People broke down the door at an Atlanta mall to chase after Jordans.

An Atlanta woman was arrested for leaving her kids in the car to go get the shoes.

In Austin Texas “Each store was overwhelmed with crowds when about 1,000 people showed up at each store. In all, about 3,000 people were in line to buy the $180 shoes. The unruly crowds forced Highland Mall to stop the sale and close the entire mall after two police officers were injured.”

Fights erupt at 3 Charlotte-area shopping malls over the shoes.

Folks in Lafayatte, Indiana ripped the door to the mall of its hinges. Here is video of that ugly scene:

Man in Richmond, Ca waiting in line fired a shot in the air.

Video of shoppers in Houston in a mad rush to get the shoes:

Folks literally banging on the door of a shoe store waiting to get in:

They’re just shoes people!

The Appleton Post-Crescent reported Tuesday that a 36-year-old woman was so upset the Packers lost Sunday she actually choked her daughter.

Police were called about 8:15 p.m. Sunday to a Grand Chute hotel where the girl told police her mother grabbed her by the neck during the football game. The woman was drinking alcohol and became upset because the team was losing. The girl said that after the Packers lost, her mother choked her again with enough force that the girl couldn’t breathe, and her mother said, “Do you want to die?” the criminal complaint says.

Police saw red marks and scratches on the girl’s neck.

The woman also threw her dinner on the floor, broke a lamp, and tried to punch her husband in the face, according to the report. After reading this, I may have to reconsider my stance that soccer fans are the craziest in the world. We knew Packers fans were absurdly dedicated to their team, but this is going waaaayyy too far.

And no, despite what you may think, this was not the couple at hand.

We’ve reported about several athletes who have been busted with drugs here at LBS. Just two weeks ago we shared the story of two Redskins players who were busted for failing multiple marijuana tests. In April, there was a Duke football player kicked off the team after being caught trafficking cocaine. And way back in the day, there was Nate Newton who was arrested in 2002 with 175 pounds of weed in his truck. But nothing — and I mean nothing — can possibly compare to what Sam Hurd was doing (allegedly).

Hurd was busted by an undercover federal agent for setting up a deal to purchase absurd quantities of weed and coke.

“Authorities allege that Hurd negotiated to buy five to 10 kilograms of cocaine and 1,000 pounds of marijuana a week for distribution in the Chicago area. He agreed to pay $25,000 for each kilogram of cocaine and $450 a pound for the marijuana, according to the charges.”

He negotiated to buy and distribute as much as $700,000 worth of drugs per week. We could offer cocaine and pot on this site for free and still not be able to move that much merch.

Most of his teammates expressed shock over the allegations. Even the ones who may have known that Hurd was a drug dealer probably never realized the scale. We’re talking drug kingpin. He was to drugs what Aaron Rodgers is to quarterbacks. The amounts here are ridiculous. He’s facing 40 years in prison. Strange for a church-goer who was described as a nice guy, huh?

Thanks to MatthewFunti.me (@matthewfuntime) for the photoshop work.

If you’re going to pick somebody to rob, make sure it’s not an MMA expert. Otherwise you’re liable to have your face pounded like this purple-faced clown.

The dude pictured is 24-year-old Anthony Miranda. He’s already done time for two burglary cases in 2005, and he was out on parole. It’s pretty obvious the dude is an amateur, because when he’s not getting caught, he’s getting beat up.

Miranda probably figured he was going to score some cash Friday night during a routine mugging in Chicago. Yeah, one problem: the guy whose car he walked up to happened to be a UFC fighter.

Here’s apparently how the whole thing shook down.

Miranda walks up to the car and asks the intended victim — a 6’2″ 240-pound hulk named “Justin,” — if he had a light for a cigarette. Miranda then pulled out a gun, demanded Justin’s valuables, and ordered him out of the car. From there, a struggle ensued and Justin went all HAM on the robber.

From the looks of things, I’d say Justin got in a few punches to the eyes, and elbow to the nose, and probably a few knees for good measure.

Not pictured: Miranda’s ankle, which was shot when the two fought over the gun. Miranda ended up in the hospital, as you could imagine.

The police report says Justin held Anthony until police arrived. He told officers he was a UFC fighter who had military training in hostage rescue. I’d offer more commentary, but I’m off to my MMA class to learn how to be a badass.

Also see: MMA fighters thwart motel robbery

Fist pound to The Big Lead.

Man, I hate when nights get out of hand. One minute you’re at the bar watching some football with your buddies — probably tracking the last week of your fantasy football regular season before the playoffs — and the next thing you know you see the blue lights come up behind you and you’re missing a tire. That’s the worst. Just ask ESPN analyst Matthew Barnaby.

According to WGRZ in New York, Barnaby was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated early Monday morning. Here are the details.

Erie County Sheriff’s deputies responded to a call of an SUV driving erratically without a front tire.

Deputies say Barnaby, 38, was behind the wheel of his Porsche Cayenne and driving on a rim, which caused sparks. There was also significant front end damage.

The Sheriff’s Department says Barnaby failed several standard field sobriety tests and refused a breath test. He was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated. His license was revoked because of the refusal.

You may remember Barnaby from the time he faced five criminal charges in a domestic violence case back in May, or you could be familiar with the stories that he was dating ESPN’s Michelle Beadle.  Fortunately, we hear that Beadle and Barnaby are no longer together.  Could it be time for ESPN to cut the cord on this one?  We’ll know in time.

UPDATE: Barnaby is no longer with ESPN.

H/T to Deadspin for passing on the latest installment from the exciting life of Barnaby.

Here is the letter to the editor published in The Virginian-Pilot this week:

What went into the record books as a win was really a sham and a disgrace to competitive college sports. This game was equivalent to two boxers competing in the ring with one of them blindfolded. On nearly every offensive play by Norfolk State, the crowd noise was so high that it drowned out the play-calling. The team simply couldn’t hear the plays. This was not the case when Old Dominion had the ball. You could hear a pin drop when they were on offense. This partisan behavior by ODU fans was reprehensible by design and should be considered a shameful act to control the outcome. The results should be thrown out due to unsportsmanlike conduct by the fans.

Gary Anthony
Chesapeake

Bro, you must be new to football. I don’t even know where to begin with this. How do you even broach the subject with someone who doesn’t understand the role of the fans in games? I think Mr. Anthony just got a first-hand lesson of what a good homefield advantage is. Let’s hope he never ends up at the Superdome for a Saints game, or in Seattle for a Seahawks game.

Thanks to SI Hot Clicks for the fantastic link.

According to an NBC Chicago report, Williams’ house was broken into at some point last week.  The intruder, 51-year-old Wayne L. Field III, took some of Williams clothes, a set of keys, and some jewelery.  Sounds pretty standard, right?  Not exactly.

Police were able to catch Field for two reasons.  First off, he left behind a hospital bracelet with his name on it.  Secondly, he returned to the home wearing Williams’ clothes and World Series ring and was peeking in the windows while police were investigating.  According to the report, Field had made himself at home when he broke in.  He drank Williams’ beer, ate a frozen pizza, surfed the internet, defrosted a lobster, and even climbed into bed.

The Boston Celtics, Tampa Bay Rays, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. should have been so lucky.  They were all victims of more traditional robberies, but it appears Williams just fell victim to a fan that wanted to know what it was like to be him.  On second thought, I’d probably rather just be robbed.

Fist pound to Hardball Talk for sharing the story.