Larry Brown Sports » Darwin Nominees

Susan Finklestein Offered Sex to an Officer for Phillies World Series Tickets

Larry Brown — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:39:36 +0000

No, that story is not a joke. You figure some fans are willing to go pretty far to get tickets to a big game — an Arizona Cardinals fan got his butt tattooed for NFC Championship Game tickets — but Susan Finklestein has taken the game to a whole new level. She apparently was so desperate for Phillies World Series tickets that she posted an ad on craigslist that hinted at sexual offers.

According to police, her online ad read: “DESPERATE BLONDE NEEDS WS TIX (Philadelphia) Diehard Phillies fan–gorgeous tall buxom blonde– in desperate need of two World Series Tickets. Price negotiable— I’m the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!”

Bensalem Township police said they made contact with the female after viewing her add on Craigslist.com. The woman then allegedly solicited an undercover police officer to perform various sex acts in exchange for the tickets.

Man, there are some horny guys out there, I’m surprised this didn’t work out. By the way, one of the advantages of being a police officer is you can get the sex first and then make the arrest second. So now we know what being a “creative type” means. Nice going, Susan. At least she’ll get to watch the series before her case goes to trial.

Braylon Edwards Finally Connected on Something

Larry Brown — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:57:03 +0000

Let’s see, the Browns lost 23-20 in overtime to drop to 0-4 and Braylon Edwards was catchless, putting up a freaking goose egg in the game. Whatever production he lacked against the Bengals he apparently tried to make up for after the game. Edwards has been accused of punching a club promoter in the face, giving him a cut and black eye and sending the guy to the hospital. The club promoter gave his side of the story:

After the club closed, I was outside greeting and saying goodbye to people. Braylon comes up and started saying things, degrading me. He said if it wasn’t for LeBron or the Four Horsemen, I wouldn’t have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron. So I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. I have a black eye and a cut. I’m not a violent guy. As long as I’ve known Braylon, I’ve allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with LeBron, he felt he needed to take it out on me.”

I’m sure this guy wasn’t as innocent as he’s coming off in the story but I can buy everything he’s saying about Braylon. If your team was 0-4 in a city where all the fans are hardcore, and you feel embarrassed for not having any catches, I could see where you’d be trying to put others down to pump yourself up. Think about it — this is the same Braylon Edwards who shows off how much alcohol he has stocked at his house. He’s not exactly the smartest cat out there.

Who Owns $400,000 Worth of Jewelry?

Larry Brown — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 04:42:19 +0000

First off, let’s make this clear: nobody deserves to get robbed. Secondly, what kind of jerkoffs wait for a moment when they know a guy’s going to be gone playing in a game to rob him? How weak is that? Well I guess that’s exactly how they all do it, but anyway, it’s pretty hard to lose almost half a million dollars worth of jewelry if you never own $400,000 worth of jewelry in the first place. Maybe Bills DB Donte Whitner, who was robbed of that amount while he was away at his game Sunday, has learned his lesson the hard way.

You just have to hope the guys who robbed him aren’t fans considering Whitner had a pick six at the beginning of the game to help Buffalo build a big lead. I’m actually quite pleased about that because Buffalo’s big lead early forced Tampa to throw the rest of the game to try and come back. Since I have Kellen Winslow as my tight end in the Yardbarker Coors Light fantasy football league, all the throwing helped K2 rack up stats and it led me to a big win. The ironic aspect to this story is that there was an article floating around last week about NFL players having financial problems following retirement. Gee, when you’re wasting $400,000 on jewelry, it’s easy to see why. Hey Donte, ever try a savings account?

Shawne Merriman vs. Tila Tequila … Who’s the Liar?

Larry Brown — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:01:34 +0000

Let’s get this one straight: I care as much about Tila Tequila as Sheriff Department spokesman Jan Caldwell who called the accusing party, “Tina Nguyen.” And if you’re Shawne Merriman, fooling around with a girl best known for starring in a bisexual reality TV show will not earn you sympathy when you get involved in drama — you’ve asked for it. The only question regarding the arrest of Merriman for allegedly choking Tequila is: who is telling the truth? For the answer, let’s go to the tail of the tape:

I’d have to say the clear advantage goes to Merriman. Heck, you go by the way he said it (in his lawyer’s words, of course), and you’d think the guy was a regular American hero! He better hope he’s not facing any punishment from Roger Goodell because returning from knee surgery should already be tough enough. Again, who messes with dumbasses like Tina Tequila anyway unless they’re looking for attention/publicity, be it good or bad?

Troy O’Leary’s Ex-Wife Is an Escort/Hooker on the Side

Larry Brown — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 10:30:03 +0000

So, you ever wonder what many of these chicks did before they scored themselves a baller-man? Many of them were Hooters waitresses, strippers, models, or pretty much anything else that associates making money off a hot body. Thing is rarely do any of them go back to that stuff once they hit the gold mine. Apparently that’s not the case for former Red Sox OF Troy O’Leary’s ex-wife, Annette Gray O’Leary aka Taya Taylor. The Arizona Republic via Sports by Brooks tells us that O’Leary/Taylor has a night job as a hooker in addition to her day job as an assistant principal at an elementary school.

According to this page that has been recently taken down, O’Leary/Taylor charges some big bucks for her “services.” Her rates are likely comparable to what her husband made by hitting singles, doubles, triples, and home runs. Check out the hooker fees:

600 1HR
1000 2 HR
1500 3 HR
3000 Overnight (10 hours)

At least you don’t have to pay extra while she’s asleep. So with this story coming out, you think it’s the result of some bitter parent who’s kid didn’t get the grades they wanted? That’s where my money is … it certainly isn’t on two hours of fun with ms. taylor.

Vanessa Colbert Says Travis Henry’s Fathered Two More Illegitimate Children

Larry Brown — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:23:19 +0000

You might be asking yourself why this story sounds so familiar. The answer is pretty simple: at last check, former Titans and Broncos running back Travis Henry had nine kids by nine different women. If you thought that was impressive then hold onto your mouse and keyboard for something even better than that:

Vanessa Colbert recently became the second woman in Orange County to try to collect child support from Henry. She says the former athlete fathered her twins, who are now 18 months old.
…
Henry, who recently pleaded guilty to a federal drug charge, isn’t current with any of his child-support payments, which are estimated to total $15,000 a month.

Did Colbert do any of her research before engaging in intercourse? If so, she may have realized that Henry had dropped down the Broncos’ depth chart and she might have passed on the sex. I mean the least you could is punch him up in google news to see if he’s worth banging, right? You would think that’s the least a diligent groupie could do.

(via Deadspin)

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So Jeremy Shockey Gets Passed Out Drunk and We All Have to Hear it?

Larry Brown — Mon, 25 May 2009 12:50:57 +0000

Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. So Jeremy Shockey goes partying in Las Vegas, gets passed out drunk, and now it becomes a big story? The way TMZ told it it became absurd. They described the story as Shockey being found “unconscious” at the Hard Rock Hotel on Sunday in the afternoon. I guess “unconscious” would just be their code for “passed out” which is how the rest of us laymen know it. Like for real, who hasn’t drank to the point that they were dehydrated the next day and pretty out of it? All this really means is that Shockey partied way to hard. The fact that TMZ calls it a developing story just shows how much they’re blowing crap out of proportion.

The only significant part of this story, aside from the idiotic way TMZ tries to turn it into a crisis situation, is that Shockey apparently isn’t too brilliant about the way he takes care of himself. I remember when he was featured on the cover of ESPN the Magazine. In the article, they described Shockey’s hard-partying ways and how he would be up all night drinking and partying even the night before an early morning practice. Even if Shockey could make it through a practice, you know that’s not the way he should be handling his business. That was a few years ago. It appears as if nothing has changed — he’s still not taking care of himself well. Any surprise his career’s been a bust based on the talent he possesses? I think not.

Ryan Leaf Was Fiending for Hydrocodone Drug Pretty Badly

Larry Brown — Fri, 22 May 2009 09:28:39 +0000

There are plenty of guys who turn out to be busts in the NFL, though many of them aren’t on the same scale as Ryan Leaf. That’s probably why Leaf’s problems post-playing days seem to be so intriguing. Done with his job at West Texas A&M as a golf coach to go to drug rehab, we now have some clarity as to what was going on with Cryin recently. The guy has been indicted on drug and burglary charges. The juicy details:

The indictment said Leaf presented an incomplete medical history to several physicians between January 2008 and September 2008 to get or try to obtain the painkiller Hydrocodone.

Canyon police Lt. Dale Davis said Leaf is suspected of breaking into a Canyon apartment on Oct. 30 and stealing Hydrocodone, which had been prescribed to an injured football player.

“There were signs of a forced entry,” Davis said. “A window in the back of the home was (damaged).”

The count of delivery of a simulated controlled substance alleges Leaf gave an individual a substance he said was Hydrocodone but was not that drug.

If you’ve ever caught yourself being that desperate for something you know you’re in a bad spot. Can you just imagine that? Breaking into a player’s apartment to steal his pain killers? Are you kidding me? That’s about as low as it can get. I bet Leaf and Josh Hamilton sure could share some interesting stories together.

Immature Aqib Talib Sure Loves to Fight

Larry Brown — Thu, 21 May 2009 07:14:17 +0000

The last time we checked in with Buccaneers cornerback Aqib Talib he was brawling with Cory Boyd at the rookie symposium. A year later, we see that not much has changed; Boyd is no longer on an NFL team and Talib is still fighting with teammates.

Bucs cornerback Aqib Talib let a routine run-in escalate Wednesday, inadvertently striking would-be peacemaker Torrie Cox with his helmet in an apparent attempt to hit left tackle Donald Penn.

Cox’s agent, Peter Schaffer, said his client was attempting to break up the skirmish. Penn said that Cox, a veteran cornerback at 28, sustained facial cuts he described as minor.

Now why exactly would Talib be messing with a guy twice his size? Probably because he’s stupid, but that kinda goes without saying. I’d say he’s just about a broken nose away from being suspended two games, Steve Smith-style. With the way the Bucs look, that probably wouldn’t change their fate much — they’re a five win team at best.

Chris Dickerson Injures Head Bumping into Revolving Door at Hotel

Larry Brown — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 08:07:32 +0000

You know what a big fan of weird sports injuries I am, so when I heard about this one I knew it made the cut. Reds left fielder Chris Dickerson is part of a platoon along with Jerry Hairston Jr. but he hasn’t seen much action lately since the team has faced a bunch of lefties to start the year. He wasn’t scheduled to play on Saturday because left-hander Paul Maholm was starting for the Pirates, but he would have been unavailable anyway:

Dickerson’s attacker struck Saturday morning as he headed to Great American Ball Park. The lurking evil was a revolving glass door at the downtown hotel where he is staying. He apparently banged his head on the door as it swung around.

“My ‘real’ story is I hit my head on the rim during a celebrity slam dunk contest,” Dickerson joked. “They do need to do something about that door. It’s a deathtrap waiting to happen. I can only imagine what happens with people less coordinated than me. I’m a little clumsy, but a pretty coordinated guy. I should be able to fly through that thing easy. I struggle with it every day.”

At least he has a good humor about it. Dickerson’s only had six at-bats this year but he has two hits. I’m sure he’ll have plenty more chances to hit as the season goes on. Last year he mashed in just over 100 at-bats so bright days should lie ahead for him. And on a personal note, it’s comforting to know that one of the toughest outs you ever faced in high school turned out to be a pretty good major leaguer.

Larry Brown Sports » Darwin Nominees

Susan Finklestein Offered Sex to an Officer for Phillies World Series Tickets

Braylon Edwards Finally Connected on Something

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