I write that title as if there’s something wrong with liking boobs. I enjoy fine mammaries as much as the next guy, but it’s quite possible that nobody likes them as much as Pacman Jones. You might recall that Pacman was famously dining at a strip club prior to his meeting with Commissioner Roger Goodell to hear about his impending suspension. That’s right, “>Pacman Jones goes to strip clubs for the food. Knowing that story, it probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to hear where Pacman Jones was when he found out he was reinstated by Goodell Thursday. Ready for this? Hooters. Yup. That man must love him some boobs, cuz I’ll tell ya, Hooters has some pretty awful food.

Now that he’s actually been reinstated, this makes the Cowboys all that much tougher. They have to be the Super Bowl favorite in the NFC because they’re offense is ridiculously explosive, and now they have shutdown corners. Couple that with the retirement of Strahan and the injury to Umenyiora, and the Cowboys seem like the easy pick. Even if they’re the current favorite, there’s still plenty of time for Pacman to screw things up. Pro Football Talk, which brought the Pacman story to my attention, also says Pacman’s been up to no good lately and that he’s likely to get into trouble before the year’s up. Wouldn’t be surprising to see this move bite them in the butt; Adam Schefter says Pacman will be on a very short leash.

This is just one of those sick stories that reminds you how creepy some people can be, and exactly what some famous athletes are going through in the way of hate mail. David Tuason sent hateful letters to Derek Jeter amongst others and just received 3 years and 10 months in prison for it. More details:

He said he sent the threatening letters because a black man “stole” the girlfriend he planned to marry. Prosecutors say Tuason, who is of Filipino descent, sent more than 200 hateful letters or e-mails, many to black or mixed-race men seen with white women.

Dude, get a life. And why not just worry about yourself and not who other people are with? (unless of course we’re talking about a potential boyfriend of Ana Ivanovic, in which case I’d be concerned). By the way, what kind of a conclusion is this to draw? My girlfriend was stolen by a black man, so let me send hate mail to all black men with white women. Yeah, that really makes sense. Good to see Jeter’s performance hasn’t wavered much despite this type of hatred.

This is easily one of my favorite stories of the year. Normally I take a pretty harsh stance on DUIs, but I think I can overlook Kevin Grady’s drunk driving charge in the interest of impregnable humor. Deadspin shared Grady’s comedic story, and boy, is this a good one:

Grady was given a breathalyzer test, which showed a blood-alcohol level of 0.281 — more than three times Michigan’s standard for drunken driving.
…
The officer also wrote that Grady was off-balance and unable to recite the alphabet, with Thompson quoting Grady as saying “O, R, S, J, L, P.” Thompson said he asked for a number between 12 and 14, and Grady answered “15.” And when asked whether Mickey Mouse is a dog or a cat, he answered “dog.”

Now aside from it being ridiculously funny, you might be asking yourself what it has to do with sports. Well apparently Grady’s Rich Rodriguez’s responsibility as a football player at Michigan — not that it really matters. Asked if Mickey Mouse was a dog or a cat he answered dog? I thought the answer was built into the question? Easily the best story of the year. Easily.

Now this wouldn’t exactly be the first time an athlete got caught up with a gay website recently, so it seems to be somewhat of a trend. Anyway, far be it from me to think that athletics are full of nothing but heterosexuals. As masculine as the likes of football and wrestling are, we know there certainly a fair amount of homosexuals in the sports. Well, we knew that was the case for football. As for wrestling? I believe this was the first. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, but posing for gay porn sites? There could be something slightly wrong with that seeing as that it can get you kicked off a team.

Anyway, Deadspin passes along the story of Paul Donahoe and Kenny Jordan, two members of Nebraska’s wrestling team who are being investigated for appearing on a gay porn site. I’ll just let you click on over there if you want all the details for the story. Just know that Donahoe was a national champ in the 125lb class last year and that the two have rolled around on the mat several times together. Or at least I’m assuming that’s the case. So the long and the short of the story? Now you forever have some ammo against Nebraska, just in case you needed it. Oh, and I must pass this comment along from Deadspin as well: “ok, NOW is the ass tasting joke appropriate????” Yes sir, I believe it is.

Even if Josh Hamilton drops out of the home run race in the American League, good to know the state of Texas will still have a triple crown winner this year. Mavericks guard/forward Josh Howard completed the trifecta by getting arrested for speeding in his hometown of Winston-Salem. Ironically enough, Howard was in town for a basketball camp sponsored by his foundation. Well, the campers should be happy to know that Howard was setting a great example by getting clocked doing 94mph and was charged with speeding, careless and reckless driving, and racing, according to the police report. That’s a pretty strong effort for just one evening right there.

Thing is, this just caps off the perfect season for Josh Howard. If you remember back in May, there was a report out there that Josh Howard threw a birthday party following the team’s Game 4 loss in the playoffs against the wishes of Coach Avery Johnson. If you remember correctly, the Mavs lost in 5 games to the Hornets, and Josh Howard had a horrendous series. Yes, and that all came after Howard admitted to toking up the ganja as well. Like I said, our man sure did complete the trifecta. All he needs to do now for the superfecta is follow in the Travis Henry footsteps.

If this story looks familiar to you, it’s because we went through this whole thing four years ago. Matt Bush was the No. 1 overall selection in the 2004 MLB draft. The Padres took the local product ahead of top talents who have already produced in the big leagues such as Justin Verlander and Jered Weaver, because they were looking to cut costs. So far that strategy hasn’t paid off for them with Bush. Bush was suspended by the team before he even played a game in their system because of an altercation outside a nightclub. Yes, that was 18-year-old Matt Bush, the recent top overall pick in the draft, being arrested and charged for one felony and three misdemeanors. Despite saying he had changed, Bush was up to his old tricks recently, getting into another altercation at a Peoria bar. Nice. So far the Padres are playing the Fight Club response — the first rule about Matt Bush’s problems off the field is you do not talk about Matt Bush’s problems off the field.

This guy is just an utter mess. After stinking as a hitter trying to play shortstop in his first two years in the minors, the Padres decided to turn him into a pitcher. That plan was working — for like two weeks — until Bush hurt his elbow and had to get Tommy John surgery. And that brings us to the present day where Bush is supposed to be rehabbing his injury. Instead, Bush is spending his time getting into bar fights. Again. What a bust. Doesn’t he realize he has more responsibility as a first overall pick to represent his organization in a better light? Does he realize that he’s working on becoming the biggest bust in MLB draft history? Can he really be OK with that? How can he not have more pride than that? Makes you really scratch your head.

(via Ballhype)