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Hayden Panettiere, No Longer Jail Bait

I’m not even quite sure how the whole thing went down, but starting back sometime in July, I realized Hayden Panettiere wasn’t quite 18. Of course, it didn’t take long for me to go to her IMDB page and find out her birthday, and with that, the countdown began. Well, the day is finally upon us, and on the 21st of August, in the year 2007, I will ask you all to join me in saying a nice, big, creepy old man, Happy Birthday! to Hayden. Doesn’t she deserve it?

Plenty more Hayden love after the jump.

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Whatever You Do, Just Don’t Let Paris or Britney Near the Kids

Sounds pretty reasonable, right? You would think pretty much anyone who’s semi-competent would keep our youth away from those harmful beings. I mean, you wouldn’t just let your baby juggle knives and jump into swimming pools without floaties, right? I guess that’s why Brynn Cameron has reportedly put an embargo on whom Matt Leinart’s kid can be around. As SPORTSbyBROOKS directs us:

A TMZ “staffer” reports today that Cameron said at the courthouse where the arrangement was settled, “Britney and Paris aren’t allowed to be around the baby!”

The best part is TMZ following that up with this commentary – no doubt straight from a Leinart spokeshole: “Several people familiar with the former couple say Brynn has been jealous and upset because Matt refused to marry her. For her part, Brynn has questioned Matt’s commitment to his son. Matt is the one who petitioned for more custody.”

Gentlemen, the lesson to be taken away here, don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. Do that, and you’ll be free to roam with whomever you want, and you won’t be saddled by baby mama drama. Come to think of it though, this sounds like it would’ve made for a great marriage. Too bad things didn’t work out.

More Matt Leinart Baby Mama Drama:
Is Brynn Cameron Digging for Matt Leinart’s Gold?

Baron Davis + Teri Hatcher = Lovely

One’s a desperate housewife, one’s a desperate basketball player. They’re a perfect match wouldn’t you say? Hey, if the rumors are true, then I’m all for it. So how in the eff did it happen?

Tony [Parker]… introduced the brunette star to a fellow NBA guard, the Golden State Warriors’ Baron Davis, 28, at the newlyweds’ reception on July 7. And after that, Stephen Kay back home seemed to be miles from the actress’ mind!

“Baron and Teri really hit it off,” said a friend of the TV beauty. “They talked and danced all night and had a great time. They couldn’t seem to get enough of each other!”…

On July 24 [Teri and Baron] were spotted together again at the Hollywood eatery Pace, where they sat on the same side of a four-person table, “looking like a couple of love-struck teenagers!”

Honestly, I’m not a fan of either of them, so it works perfectly in my mind. Here’s one thing though, didn’t know Baron Davis was friends with T. Parker. And here’s another, I was really just looking for an excuse to share with you the information that I saw Nicole Sheridan in a soft core movie the other night. I got really excited until I realized Nicollette Sheridan was the Desperate Housewife. That just bummed me out.

Also see: With Leather and Part Mule

Maybe That’s Why Derek Jeter and Jessica Alba Broke Up

As I posted on FanHouse, I was listening to The Adam Carolla Show this morning (LOVE Carolla by the way), and heard a report that I just had to blog. Not sure how kosher it is, because it is a report coming from a gossip site called L.A. Rag Mag. Anyways, the Rag Mag is saying that Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes.

As I briefly touched on in my post at FanHouse, I’ve always been of the opinion that STDs are not something to be ashamed of. Look, I’m not a fool who doesn’t wrap his tool, but let’s think about this seriously for a moment here. Isn’t there a prerequisite to getting an STD? Doesn’t sex have to be involved? That’s what I thought. Some people should only be so lucky as to have one. I’m not quite so sure what the stigma is against STDs. And anything that involves relationships with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Mariah Carey can’t be too bad, can it?

Besides, herpes doesn’t seem to be bothering Justine Henin does it?

Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driving Night Out at the Stadium

At first I was thinking the first thousand fans to trade in a baggy of coke get free entrance, but that wouldn’t make so much sense, now would it? Here’s how Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driving Awareness Night is going down at Grayson Stadium, home of the Savannah Sand Gnats:

It will be a Thirsty Thursday with half-priced beer and Coke and $1 Papa John’s Pizza slices presented by Connect Savannah, Rock 106.1 and Papa John’s Pizza. However, the Sand Gnats encourage all fans in attendance to learn from the redheaded actress’ mistakes and plan for safe transportation home from the game.

Hook Towing will have a wrecked car from a drunk driving accident on display on the plaza in front of the main gate. Savannah Highway Enforcement of Aggressive Traffic (HEAT) will also be at the game with its blood alcohol testing van.

At least minor league baseball does serve a useful role in this country after all. And where would be without Lindsay Lohan herself. Hopefully she doesn’t come out of rehab fixed; we would lose inspiration for promotions.

Chest Bump to Mullet at FanHouse

Getting Behind…Err, In Front of the Brian Urlacher Photo

The mystery behind the infamous Brian Urlacher photo has finally been solved. The chick from the picture with the incredibly … large … eyelashes, happens to be Erin from the VH1 show Rock of Love.

Brian Urlacher Boob Grab

According to her bio, she is from Bloomington, Illinois, and was Miss Hooters of Illinois 2002 — which her small town police chief father should be proud of.

Urlacher dated Paris Hilton in the past, and now he’s dating Jenny McCarthy.

He’s not the only athlete to score a Playboy bunny. Let’s take a look at the list:

Alex Rodriguez dating ex-Playmate Torrie Wilson
Tyler Seguin getting cozy with Playmate Ciara Price
Evan Longoria dating Playmate Jaime Edmondson
Hunter Pence dating Playmate Shannon James

Gisele’s The Bread Winner, not Tom

Just when we thought Tom Brady was the ultimate badass — rich, successful, Super Bowl winner, Pro Bowler, banging hot women — we come to find out this. The man comes in second in his relationship. In other words, when it comes to finances, Giselle might be on top.

Gisele Bundchen rakes in $33 million a year, the new Forbes list of the top 15 richest supermodels says.

Bundchen is so successful because she stars in nearly 20 campaigns a year and licenses her name out to a Brazilian shoe company. She also is the lead model for cash cow Victoria’s Secret, which pays her $5 million a year to walk in their shows and pose in their catalogues.

As the article points out, she’s pulling more cash than A-Rod, who gets paid the highest salary in baseball. According to Forbes, in 2006, Brady only pulled $29 million (heh, only). Well hot damn, who knew you could make so much money in this country just being beautiful?

(spotted at FanHouse and Ben Maller)