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Greatest Job of All-Time?

OK, so I’m a little hazy on all the details here, but as far as I understand things, Manchester United player Cristiano Ronaldo has a notorious lady friend. The girl in question is 26-year-old Brazilian hottie, Fernanda (do any of them have last names??), and apparently in addition to banging Ronaldo, she also peddles coke and serves as a hooker in her spare time. Sports by Brooks alerted me to the story that was uncovered by News of the World. Now how did News of the World confirm this story? That’s where this greatest job ever stuff comes in.

Apparently one of their writers was assigned the duty of pursuing an evening with Fernanda. He got her naked, got her to offer coke, documented the whole thing on video. He even got her to bring a friend, with whom Fernanda put on a show. Honestly, if this is what undercover reporting is all about, sign me up. Does anyone have a job application to the World? I’m not even joking. What I wouldn’t give to have an assignment where I’m getting a hooker naked. To see the whole documentation of the evening, including a NSFW pic of Fernanda, visit the News of the World site. Link includes NSFW pic. The pictures of Fernanda below however, are safe for work.

David Beckham Booed in Kansas City

If Vince Young thinks he has it bad, maybe he needs to take a look at David Beckham. The international soccer star who was recently benched on the English national team, came home to the U.S. to a similar tune in the Galaxy’s 2-0 loss to the Wizards:

Beckham, who arrived in Kansas City on Friday, missed a free kick badly – leading to boos from the crowd – and did not have much of an impact on the outcome. “Obviously, it’s tough because I’m trying to get back into the time zone and didn’t sleep well last night, which didn’t help,” said Beckham, who played the entire game. “It’s something that I’ve got used to. It’s tough at times, especially when I don’t have many games before I play again.”

Becks apparently traveled through nine different time zones, hitting up four different cities in three days. Thing is, that’s the lifestyle he’s created for himself — he shouldn’t let it damage his play. Reality seems to be (not that I’m much of a soccer fan) that his skill has fallen off and that Beckham is nowhere near the player he was several years ago. Still, being booed is a common thing here so he shouldn’t be surprised. On the bright side, at least he’s not Carl Pavano.

Poll: Fans **** Better After Team Wins

I just don’t even know what to do with this. I’m not so sure that the outcome of a sporting event really impacted my life to great levels for longer than like an hour, but I know there are some who live and die with each win or loss. It is for them that the term “fan” was developed. Anyway, here goes nothing:

Nearly 30 percent of U.S. men think sex is better after their football team wins and 10 percent say they have bad sex after a loss, a survey indicates. The survey says 1-in-4 male sports fans would be willing to give up sex for at least a month if their favorite team were guaranteed a Super Bowl win. Of them, 11 percent would give up sex “for however long it takes.”

Bengals fans were unable to participate in the study citing “lack of empirical evidence to make such a conclusion.” The poll results remind me of that line Happy said in Blue Chips, telling Pete Bell, “I don’t know about you, but I **** better when we’re winning.” I guess there really are people like him.

(From UPI via Fark)

Jennie Finch Won’t Be Getting Naked Anytime Too Soon

Jennie Finch is pretty busy these days pitching shutouts for Team USA in Beijing. Even though she’s been bringing the country lots of pride through her play on the field, it’s her looks off of it that brings the country all its joy. Unfortunately if you were hoping Finch were going to go the way of Ashley Harkleroad and Amanda Beard, it ain’t happening. In a recent interview, Jennie Finch was asked if she’d consider posing for Playboy. Despite giving elaborate answers on every other question, her response to that question was one word: no. That’s just too bad. Let’s see what we’re missing out on:

One of the other questions she gave a slightly more detailed answer, and that was in regards to her future career plans. She says she enjoys her commentary roles on ESPN and This Week in Baseball. She may enjoy her roles, but let’s just say it’s a good thing we don’t have to hear her continue to make mistakes as a fantasy baseball analyst. But if she is willing to reconsider her position on the whole posing naked thing, I’m all for it.

Competitive Eater Joey Chestnut Loses to Blogger in Beer Chug

And here I was, thinking that Joey Chestnut was some sort of a badass. At a time when America was losing ground in athletic competitions to the rest of the world, at least we had Joey Chestnut to step up and show everyone that there is something America can still do well — pig out. He beat Kobayashi in the hot dog eating competition and brought back respectability to our nation. Anyway, though he might be the top eater in the country, he somehow couldn’t beat Yardbarker blogger master Dewey Hammond at a beer chug. Check it:

I dunno, that looked pretty legit to me. Maybe Dewey just has the ability to open up his throat and guzzle like a champ. And where I come from, opening up your throat to max capacity isn’t exactly a gift for a male. Nonetheless, pretty impressive on Dewey’s part.

Must Have Strong Thighs to Live in China

Most people think it’s the athletic competition that comprises the biggest element of the Olympic Games. Au contraire, it’s the cultural learnings and adjustments that really makes the Olympics a truly international wonder. Witness:

Dude, that’s like an episode of Borat right there. Think it’s a coincidence many of the Asian players who come over here to play professional sports all have strong legs? I think not.

Amanda Beard Posing Nude for PETA in Protest of Fashion Furs at Beijing

Everyone’s favorite Olympian, Amanda Beard, who already showed off her goods in a sexy spread for Playboy magazine, is at it again. And by at it, I mean set to appear nude and bare her fine body for the masses. Beard’s teaming with PETA in an anti-fur for fashion campaign that will feature her posing nude in front of the water cube swimming venue in Beijing:

“Seeing animals slaughtered to be worn as fashion is awful to me, so I’m definitely against wearing fur … I’d much rather go naked than ever put a dead animal on my body,” PETA quoted Beard as saying.

One can only hope that Beard looks as sexy in those pictures as she does in some of these ones. And as wacky and crazy PETA can get sometimes, as long as they’re making it up to us by getting Amanda Beard to pose nude, I’m on board with it. Heck, she might just have been the best looking Olympian to pose in Playboy.