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Tatum Bell Gets Revenge on Rudi Johnson, Steals His Bags

I’m not sure whether or not I should laugh at this story or shake my head at how immature Tatum Bell comes off to be, but it sure seems to be the trend lately. After the Bengals released Rudi Johnson this weekend, the Lions worked him out on Monday and later signed him. In order to add Rudi to the roster, they had to create a spot for him, and they did so by cutting Tatum Bell. According to Pro Football Talk, Bell sophomorically exacted exacted revenge:

Specifically, and as we’re told by a reliable source … Johnson left his bags outside CEO Matt Millen’s office while he met with team officials and, ultimately, worked out a deal with the team.

So when Johnson came back to get his bags, they were nowhere to be found. Johnson and Millen were stumped.

Enter the eye in the sky.

The team checked the videotapes generated by the team’s in-house surveillance system, and they quickly identified the culprit.

So who might it have been? None other than Tatum Bell, who lost his gig with the Lions after Rudi arrived.

Bell apparently went to drop the bags off at some random chick’s place who he hadn’t seen for a long time. Rudi supposedly got his bags back by the time all was said and done. I’m guessing this story is true since it’s so outrageous nobody could just outright make it up. How funny is that? Bitter much? I do suppose it’s better than going postal, after all.

(via Ballhype)

Pacman Jones Could Play Wide Receiver

Channeling the true spirit of Deion Sanders, Pacman Jones could wind up playing some wide receiver for the Cowboys. Jerry Jones first floated the idea of Pacman doubling up and going both ways, and it’s something Wade Phillips apparently did not rule out. Apparently the Dallas Morning News wanted to see if there was a shot of seeing Pacman play wideout on Sunday. Here was Phillips’ response: “It’s a little early and we don’t want to give out any secrets, so I’d say right now we don’t expect him to play much receiver.” That smirk seems pretty telling to me. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Pacman start pulling a Devin Hester before long. We’ve already seen how well Pacman does a punt returner, why not split him out on offense, too? Also, as a followup to a past story we did on Pacman’s whack sense of fashion, we now finally have a picture of the hideous outfit he sported.

Dude, somebody please get that man a fashion consultant. That outfit is hideous. And believe me, I know what ugly looks like — I’m a Bengals fan. Even Rick Pitino’s white suit thinks that’s ugly.

Matt Jones Didn’t Even Know His Team’s Plays Last Season

Not too surprising for a coke head. I’m not sure about the extent of Jones’ ignorance towards the team’s playbook, but the words come from a pretty reliable source — John Madden via the fine folks of Rotoworld. As the top fantasy source on the net puts it:

NBC’s John Madden said during Thursday’s Jaguars/Redskins game that WR Matt Jones didn’t know the team’s plays last season.
It’s not exactly surprising as there have been whispers about Jones’ commitment level for quite some time. Madden got the goods from David Garrard, who told him that Jones was on the right page this season and could emerge as the team’s go-to receiver.

I’m not shocked to read this either considering Jones’ off-season habits. This strikes me though as one of the comments that’s supposed to be taken as off the record. I’m guessing David Garrard won’t be too happy to hear that Madden said that over the air, but I could be wrong. Perhaps it’s best that this piece of info got out since it explains why Jones has been such a flake on the field. I’m also figuring Garrard told that to Madden to give them an example of why they should expect big things from Matt Jones this year, saying as a throw-away “Yeah, he didn’t even know the plays last year.” Still, with all the practice squad and college guys out there dying for a chance, it’s sad to see Jones wasting his talent like that. It’s an insult to the game.

Pacman Jones Loves Him Some Boobs

I write that title as if there’s something wrong with liking boobs. I enjoy fine mammaries as much as the next guy, but it’s quite possible that nobody likes them as much as Pacman Jones. You might recall that Pacman was famously dining at a strip club prior to his meeting with Commissioner Roger Goodell to hear about his impending suspension. That’s right, Pacman Jones goes to strip clubs for the food. Knowing that story, it probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to hear where Pacman Jones was when he found out he was reinstated by Goodell Thursday. Ready for this? Hooters. Yup. That man must love him some boobs, cuz I’ll tell ya, Hooters has some pretty awful food.

Now that he’s actually been reinstated, this makes the Cowboys all that much tougher. They have to be the Super Bowl favorite in the NFC because they’re offense is ridiculously explosive, and now they have shutdown corners. Couple that with the retirement of Strahan and the injury to Umenyiora, and the Cowboys seem like the easy pick. Even if they’re the current favorite, there’s still plenty of time for Pacman to screw things up. Pro Football Talk, which brought the Pacman story to my attention, also says Pacman’s been up to no good lately and that he’s likely to get into trouble before the year’s up. Wouldn’t be surprising to see this move bite them in the butt; Adam Schefter says Pacman will be on a very short leash.

THE BEST OF HOOTERS

Tony Romo Admits He’s a Monday Morning Quarterback

Being the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, Tony Romo’s used to taking criticism. He hears all the words about how he ruined Bill Parcells’ life, how having Jessica Simpson around distorts his focus, and how he threw to the wrong receiver in a game. Anything he does on or off the field is questioned because of who he is. Ordinarily you’d figure he’d be bothered by such nitpicking the way Donovan McNabb was, but Romo admitted that it’s natural for people — himself included — to play the role of a Monday morning quarterback:

For me, I don’t necessarily take that feeling home with me and get mad at people and frustrated because I know when I’m sitting watching the Olympics I say, ‘Why’d that guy do that?’ or ‘Why didn’t he do this?’ We’re all Monday morning quarterbacks. That’s the way we all are. It’s part of the fun-ness. Let’s talk about this on the radio, let’s have a little give and take here. And for me, I don’t mind anymore when someone says something because it gets people debating and talking about it. I think sometimes people talking about it is good for the game, for what it is. You hope you’re always on the good side of the call but that’s not always the case. If you can understand that in your brain, then you’re OK with whatever happens and how it goes. You can rest easy when you’re playing, when you’re done playing or when your career is over.

Romo to me is different from many QBs because he was able to recover from the devastating botched field goal against Seattle in the playoffs — a potentially career-threatening psychological miscue; he doesn’t seem to be bothered by criticism. I really believe that his success is due to this realist, and casual approach to the criticism. And honestly, who wouldn’t date Jessica Simpson if they had the chance? I sure know Michael Strahan would.

Pacman Jones Needs Fashion Lessons

I suppose I don’t exactly expect much from someone who visits strip clubs strictly for the food, or gets in as much trouble as Pacman does, but this harrowing description of an outfit Pacman sported recently just really makes you shake your head. Tim McMahon at The Dallas Morning News Cowboys Blog has the details of the suit Pacman wore to the Cowboys Kickoff Luncheon.

Let me do my best to describe this suit. It was brownish-gray with blue fabric that covered the shoulders. And there was a Cowboys star on the right sleeve with a 21 in it. Oh, and the suit had a hood.

Yes, you read that right. His suit had a hood.

The suit was so, um, unique that Brad Sham had Pacman stand up and show it off after each player was introduced to the crowd.

Sorry Pacman, but where I come from, only one type of suit has a hood, and it’s not the type you want to be breaking out in public — or at all — for that matter. Obviously it’s nowhere nearly as good of a story as it could be without the pictures, but I can envision the atrocity. Brownish-gray with blue fabric? That just makes my stomach curl. Someone get Pacman some fashion lessons — fast.

I’m Guessing Norv Turner Doesn’t Approve of LT Training with Kimbo Slice

I was recently alerted to the new Nike ad campaign called “Train Like It” that features LaDainian Tomlinson rolling Knightrider-style to do outrageous training stunts with MMAer Kimbo Slice. This has to be a Nike campaign because there’s no way a player actually drinks leather, punches animal carcasses, and pulls Cadillac SUVs as part of their real training regimen. Seriously, who actually trains by punching refrigerators?

Even with the gloves on, I’m still not sure Norv Turner would approve. Make sure you check out all the other videos as well — they’re equally crazy. And given the recent news about his shredded knee, I’m surprised to hear it wasn’t Shawne Merriman training with Kimbo this off-season instead of LT. Just for the record, I am predicting a major knee injury for LT this year — it’s incredible he’s gone this long avoiding one.