The Playoff Beard Is on Its Last Legs

There you see the evolution of the short-lived playoff beard.  And yes, you read correctly — I am writing in the past tense because the Pens are done.  Before I get to the breakdown, you should know what you’re looking at.  From left to right: prior to Game 1 on Wednesday, April 11th; prior to Game 4 on April 17th; and today, prior to Game 5 on April 19th.  And I have to tell you, this Kyle Orton neckbeard ish ain’t cool.  How the eff did he play games like that without the urge to scratch his neck every five seconds?  This ain’t comfortable at all. 

Anywhoo, I don’t even know what to say. I already dubbed Game 4 the “must-win” game for Pittsburgh.  And they lost.  So I don’t even know what to call this Game 5 with the Pens down 3-1 and having to play it in Ottawa. Suffice it to say I’ve written them off. 

Still, it’s no worry to me.  Sidney Crosby and this Penguins team will win a Cup, sooner, rather than later.  They have way too much talent.  Nothing wrong with getting bounced in the first round … baby steps, it’s all about progress.  In fact, their regular season record is enough to be proud of.

As for the playoff beard, should it live to see more days, I’d like you all to know that the mission has been accomplished.  I watched Game 4 on Tuesday instead of the Red Sox/Blue Jays game.  I’ve been keeping up with all the series. 

I can tell you that the Rangers are a juggernaut, but they better pray the Lightning beat the Devils, because they don’t want any piece of Buffalo in the second round.  I can tell you that the hockey playoffs are like the baseball playoffs; where good pitching stops good hitting, good goaltending stops good shooting.  And such, the team with the hottest goalie goes the farthest.

And that goalie looks like Roberto Luongo of the Canucks — he’s stopped 55 of 57 shots in the past two games, both Canuck wins.  Meaning, Luongo is single-handedly carrying Vanouver out of the first round.  Yeah, you like that analysis don’t you?  See, that’s what happens when you grow the beard, you get all into it. Be sure to stop by PSAMP for some Game 5 analysis coming up.

Previous Chronicles of the Playoff Beard:
Tonight’s a Must Win For the Pens
Time for the Hockey Playoff Beard

Tonight’s a Must Win for the Pens

Trailing in a best of 7 series 2-1 is never a good place to be. Luckily the Pens have a home game tonight (not as if it mattered on Sunday) to try and even things up. It really bugged the crap out of me that the NHL arranged to have the Sens/Pens play Game 2 on Saturday in Ottawa, and turn around to play Game 3 in Pittsburgh on Sunday. Meanwhile, the Rangers who played on Saturday, are off until today! I guess ratings desperation takes precedence over rationale in this instance. Same thing with San Jose and Nashville — they had two full days in between Game 2 on Friday, and Game 3 on Monday night. Whatev.

Patrick Eaves won’t be playing for Ottawa after taking a nasty shot from Colby Armstrong which was — no question about it — completely clean. Sid The Kid is having a good series so far, and by good series I mean much better than Pavel Datsyuk’s first five playoff series. Only problem, besides of course the other team scoring more goals and whatnot, is that the Sens are freaking dominating shots on goal like 3:2 (99-66). Pretty hard to win when you’re always having to defend the puck in your own zone. So yeah, today is definitely a must-win for the Pens, because if they fall behind 3-1, you can kiss the series goodbye. And you can also kiss my beard goodbye, which is just starting to come in. Witness:

Not bad eh? A win tonight guarantees this bad boy goes until Sunday at the minimum. Here’s to the Pens in a must-win Game 4.  Check out PSAMP for more Pens analysis.

Time For the Hockey Playoff Beard

OK, so by tradition I’m a Boston Bruins fan. But what the heck does that mean? Hockey had a strike, the nuclear bombs came in, blew up the league, and they started from scratch. New rules, pretty much a free-for-all in building rosters and teams, and things became nearly unrecognizable for someone like me who was just a casual fan.

But back in the early-mid 90s, I was more than a casual fan. I used to watch local Kings games on TV, I would collect hockey cards, and I even played in a fantasy hockey league — in first grade. True story. My buddy and I chose players, came up with a scoring system, and calculated our totals every morning out of the sports section. I still remember some of my players — Pat LaFontaine, Alexander Mogilny, Chris Chelios, Paul Coffey, Theo Fleury, and of course, Cam Neely.

See Neely was my favority player. No doubt about it. I loved Cam, Ray Bourque, Adam Oates, Joe Juneau, and Andy Moog. Even later on, I was a fan of Jason Allison and Sergei Samsonov, and some of the newer faces of the franchise. One of those such faces was Joe Thornton.

Thornton was drafted by the Bruins in 1997. I remember how elated I was about the news. Here was this monster center everyone was hyping up to be the next Eric Lindros — only without the disappointment — and he was coming to MY team. I couldn’t have been more excited. But things weren’t exactly peaches at first. It took Joe a while to get it going — really, it took around four years before he became a dominant player in the league.

Only problem is Joe always seemed to get hurt. Injury after injury beset the rising star, and after the strike, the Bruins for reasons still unbeknownst to me, traded Thornton to San Jose. Of course it wasn’t until Thornton was in a Sharks jersey that he truly started to dominate the league, racking up serious point totals.

So not only did the strike ruin the interest in the game for several casual fans, it also killed my favorite team, and the interest in that team which had already been dwindling. So why the background you ask? Well, because tonight starts the hockey playoffs of 2007, and I don’t want to feel left out.

Back when I was a serious fan, I would watch every single series and truly vibe the cut-throat atmosphere and tension in which every game was played. Even in my more recent years, when my interest was teetering but I finally started growing facial hair, I vowed to stand with my Bruins until they were eliminated from the playoffs. In fact, if you check the badge for my work ID, you will still see the remnants of that playoff beard — the one time in my life I had facial hair aside from my sideburns (the Bruins lost in five to the eventual Cup Champion Devils in the first round).

Unfortunately for me, the Boston Bruins have gone downhill, as has my interest in the team, the league, and the sport. But I need to get back. I want to get back. I HAVE to be involved somehow. So here you have it, I am making my efforts to become a fan and follow this year’s hockey playoffs. And with that declaration, I am hereto for announcing the news that on 11, April, in the year 2007, I will have transferred my allegiance to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

I am jumping on the train, Sid the Kid, Evgeni Malkin, Jordan Staal, Marc-Andre Fleury, it’s the only way to revive my excitement. I will be following the Penguins quest for the cup, and in the spirit of the playoffs, today will be the last day that I shave until MY Penguins are eliminated from the playoffs.

I hope to speak to you all sometime in the near future with my playoff beard overflowing. Amen.

The last time you’ll see that clean of a shave until the Penguins are out of the playoffs 
(face last touched by a razor on 4/11/07)

Damn, Those Oilers are Good at Hockey

Bugs Bunny playing baseball thinks the Oilers are good. Need I say more?

In case you were actually curious about the game…the Nashville Predators behind Tomas Vokoun shutout the Oilers 4-0.

Chris Simon Trained with Paul Bunyan

As Joe Buck said when Randy Moss mooned the Green Bay fans, “this is a despicable act.” Here it is, the video of the Oilers Chris Simon’s nasty slash on Ranger Ryan Hollweg’s noggin. It’s hard to see, so keep your eyes fixed to the top of the screen.


The sad thing is…

  1. The NHL kind of needed a controversial issue like this to get a lot of play in the mainstream media
  2. Bad fights/brutal hits are the only way they’re getting recognition

I for one think that was disgusting and that Simon should be suspended for the duration of the season.  As Michael David Smith points out at Fanhouse, quite the irony, the slash occured exactly three years to the day after Todd Bertuzzi’s hit on Steve Moore.


That was criminal.

Ray Emery Really Likes to Fight

Any given night in the NHL there are several fights.  What might you ask distinguishes one from another in that case?  Well, if it ain’t Happy Gilmore taking off his skate and trying to stab someone, it’s when the goalies get involved. 

Last night, Ottawa Senators goalie Ray Emery got ejected after participating in a pair of fights.  It all started when Sabres center Chris Drury was hit hard.  After that, all players dropped gloves to fight, including goalies Ray Emery and Martin Biron. 

After Emery took on an outmatched Martin Biron, Buffalo enforcer Andrew Peters came in to tangle with the Ottawa netminder. Drury was helped off the ice with a severe cut across his forehead. Biron, Peters and Emery were all ejected, and 110 penalty minutes were doled out.

Did you catch that, Emery is such a badass that a Buffalo goon had to come over and take him on.  Here’s the video for your enjoyment, but you probably won’t get as much enjoyment from the fight as Ray Emery (make sure you watch until the 2:30 mark to see the coaches go at it!)

Oh yeah, the Sabres won 6-5 in case you care, and they’ll play again on Saturday.

Yay, The NHL and I are Friends!

If you remember on Monday I was pretty irked, rather stunned, that the website had been rejected by the NHL for an affiliate advertising program. It must be noted that I indicated I hadn’t been entirely put off by hockey:

Let it be known that this won’t keep me from attempting to cover hockey on the site. And if you guys are willing to make amends I’ll be waiting with open arms. Thanks

Well, I’m pleased to say that they have stepped up and redeemed themselves. Here’s an email I received early Tuesday morning from an affiliate specialist at GSI Commerce

Hi Larry,

I noticed on your blog that you were rejected from our affiliate program. This was a mistake and you have now been accepted into the program. Please let me know if there is anything else you need. Thanks!

Aww, thanks guys, I’m blushing. I would like to take the time to announce how pleased I am to be working with the NHL in efforts of promoting hockey in a positive manner. And all the elves and unicorns and manatees joined hands to dance around in circles celebrating the thought that all is right in the world.

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