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Charles Barkley Really Loves the Bay Area

Looks like someone’s been having some nice photoshop fun with Charles Barkley. These photos remind me a lot of the Joakim Noah photos the Bruin Report Online crowd put together. But these, oh boy, these are outstanding. I’ll throw a couple of my favorites up, and then you can go to C.W. Nevius’ blog to check out the rest. Mad props to Fark for the link.

Oh these are just too good!

Did Scott Van Pelt Unload an S-Bomb on SportsCenter?

Without a doubt, Scott Van Pelt is my favorite SportsCenter anchor. He’s witty, energetic, and delivers highlights in an entertaining fashion. That being said, he was left hanging out to dry badly last night. He seemed completely lost doing hockey highlights of the Red Wings/Sharks game, and even admitted on-air that he didn’t have a shot sheet in front of him (a list from which the anchor can read and describe the video highlights the audience is viewing). And then at one point, around the :42 second mark, it sounds like he says “shit, it’s too late for that,” as if a producer was telling him in his ear that they had the shot sheets or highlights ready. Then after he wraps up the hockey highlights and moves onto the Laker game, he jokingly says “I may have lost my job it’s hard to say, but until then someone takes me off the set I’ll do highlights…” Have to wonder why he would throw that line out there. Clearly someone hung Van Peezy out to dry and made him look really bad unfortunately.

Of course whatever Van Pelt did or did not say, it’s nothing compared to Danyelle Sargeant dropping an F-Bomb on ESPNEWS.

Keyshawn Did Not Receive the Big Bonus, And He Still Sucks

Why is it that Keyshawn Johnson still sparks interest? Why is it that there is a sizzle and allure that so neatly corresponds to his name? Remember when he joined Carolina? People said that he was the missing piece to the Panthers’ Super Bowl puzzle. Riiiight. That sure went well. So what on Earth makes Keyshawn an asset now? He’s a year older, another year removed from productivity. He’s living off the same name and big mouth that led to him getting drafted 1st overall in 1996 (which was the best WR draft of all-time), when he didn’t even turn into the playmaker that he assured everybody he was. Keyshawn now, is nothing different from what he’s always been — a name with a big mouth. And now he’s an unemployed big mouth.

But contrary to popular belief, the Panthers did not pay him a $3 million roster bonus before cutting him. That couldn’t have happened — everyone knew the Panthers weren’t that dumb.

Contrary to widespread reports, the Panthers did not pay Johnson a $3 million bonus April 1. They did pay him $1 million April 1, but that money was deferred from his initial $3 million signing bonus and had to be paid under any circumstances.

The Panthers will avoid a $1 million reporting bonus that would have been due if he came to training camp.

He will be designated as a June 1 cut, allowing the Panthers to spread his cap hit over two seasons. Had he played this season, he would have cost $3.25 million against the cap. Instead, he will count $1.25 million this year and $2.5 million in 2008.

OK, so admittedly, this is all just a matter of complicated finances. But the bottom line is that Keyshawn has been cut…once again…because he’s not very good. And certainly it helps that his “protege” Dwayne Jarrett, is much better. I would take the opportunity to say goodbye Key, but that would be senseless — I know I’ll be seeing him on TV sooner rather than later.

Why you Shouldn’t Share an Email Account with the Wife

Aside from the fact that she then receives the dirty little emails…she also gets to receive….your dirty little emails. Someone please pass this along to Rich Eisen who shared his email address with his wife and missed out on some hot action. Check it out, Philly TV reporter Alycia Lane sent over some suggestive photos to Rich Eisen in an email along with the message that she’d be in LA sometime soon and would love to meet up with him. Only problem, wife Suzy Shuster got her intercept on:

A seething Shuster wrote: “Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you’re doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it – it’s working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I’ll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it?”

She then provides her hubby’s private e-mail, “since you surely are trying so hard to get his attention. I mean, what better way to get a guy’s attention than with skin! Best – Suzy Shuster Eisen”

Man, so you telling me Rich didn’t even get to check out the pics? Well that sucks. Men, another reason to make sure you have a separate email account from the wife. And if you’re sharing an account with her, it’s probably time to start picking out your own clothes too.

Thanks to WBRS Sports Blog and Ballhype for the story

St. Louis Writer Said DUI Was Good for La Russa

Yes I realize that Tony La Russa’s DUI, mentioned in the previous post, is a month old, but now this issue is completely relevant. As my buddy Matt Watson pointed out to me, St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist Bill McClellan (pictured) wrote in March that a DUI could help Cardinals manager Tony La Russa’s image with the local fans.

So while everyone will agree that drinking and driving is a bad thing, this will, in a strange way, help his relationship with St. Louis.

I guess that was McClellan’s way of saying the DUI gave La Russa street cred. But correct me if I’m wrong — McClellan’s espousing a message that DUIs are OK. Are you saying anyone who read that would’ve taken back the sentiment that getting a DUI would endear them to the public? Maybe you should have thought twice before you wrote that McClellan. Seems to me like it’s about the worse way you could possibly spin a prominent figure getting busted for a serious offense. You should have been using your position to remind people what a poor choice that was by La Russa, and what the potential dangers and harms there are of driving drunk. Instead, you decided to point out that a DUI will help La Russa’s image. Given what has now transpired with the St. Louis ballclub, I hope you regret your words and will choose to pen your next column on the message of why drinking and driving is wrong.

Oh, and if you’re about to leave a comment defending La Russa’s DUI, or what McClellan wrote, then you clearly are missing the point.

Quit Hammering Dwayne Jarrett

Most likely because he’s been on a media blitz doing interviews left and right, I can’t seem to get away from Dwayne Jarrett. And of course going along with the Dwayne Jarrett interviews are the Dwayne Jarrett questions: is he the next Mike Williams? Is he too slow to play receiver in the NFL?

Let me just answer both questions — no. End those questions please. Explain to me what Dwayne Jarrett has to do with Mike Williams? What am I missing? Why should Jarrett’s future be hampered by the lazy work ethic of a receiver who preceded him that happened to be at the same university? The career of the two men are completely independent of each other. Even if Jarrett turns out to be a bust — which he most likely will not — it won’t have anything to do with Mike Williams not making it with the Lions. How could it? Do the two train together? Does Mike Williams throw passes to Jarrett? Then what do they have to do with each other? I can’t stand these mindless connections people make.

Then the whole 40 time issue really irks me. In 2003, both the offensive rookie of the year AND the defensive rookie of the year were combine and draft day duds. Surely you’ll recognize their names more than the men who went ahead of them in the draft — Anquan Boldin and Terrell Suggs, who fell to the 54th and 10th spots respectively. Why you ask? Because they ran slow 40 times.

So what difference does it make if Dwayne Jarrett ran in the 4.6s instead of the 4.5s? You really telling me a tenth of a second is worth 10 spots in the draft? Guess so. Well, I’ve had enough of that crap, and I certainly wouldn’t let it keep me from drafting Dwayne Jarrett.

LA Times Writer Mike Penner Reveals His Transexuality

Wow, talk about something you don’t see everyday. As SPORTSbyBROOKS first pointed out, Mike Penner, who writes the LA Times Morning Briefing, which I tend to enjoy on a daily basis, revealed that he will be going away for a few weeks, and that when he returns he will be a female writing under the name Christine Daniels.

I am a transsexual sportswriter. It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words. I realize many readers and colleagues and friends will be shocked to read them.

That’s OK. I understand that I am not the only one in transition as I move from Mike to Christine. Everyone who knows me and my work will be transitioning as well. That will take time. And that’s all right. To borrow a piece of well-worn sports parlance, we will take it one day at a time.

Transsexualism is a complicated and widely misunderstood medical condition. It is a natural occurrence — unusual, no question, but natural.

Recent studies have shown that such physiological factors as genetics and hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy can significantly affect how our brains are “wired” at birth.

As extensive therapy and testing have confirmed, my brain was wired female

I’m sure this is something Mike Penner has fought for a very long time no doubt. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have lived in his shoes for so long, knowing all along that something wasn’t right — that he was really wired as a female.

No jokes, no punchline, nothing funny here. This is an issue I’m glad I haven’t had to deal with, and it must’ve been harder than heck for him to have dealt with it. Additionally, he has put his entire career at risk by announcing the news, and he has most likely alienated several readers. The announcement was nothing short of courageous, and hopefully Christine will return from vacation as a much happier person. I know this will have no bearing on my continued enjoyment of the Morning Briefing, although I cannot speak for anyone else.