Larry Brown Sports » Olympics

Olympic Village or College Sex Fest?

Larry Brown — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:07:04 +0000

So we’ve heard all the stories about the 100,000 condoms available at the Olympic Village in Beijing to promote safe sex. That figure breaks down to about 10 condoms per Olympian. They must be getting crazy busy to fill up all those balloons. And it’s no surprise considering all the noise the Redeem Team’s been making with the ladies, not to mention the recent Michael Phelps and Stephanie Rice tandem that contributor Hop-A-Long pointed out. Anyway, just in case you were wondering if those 100,000 jimmy hats were a lofty figure, Matthew Syed is here to set you straight:

I am often asked if the Olympic village – the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world’s top athletes for the duration of the Games – is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is. I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point. That is to say twice, which may not sound a lot, but for a 21-year-old undergraduate with crooked teeth, it was a minor miracle.

Barcelona was, for many of us Olympic virgins, as much about sex as it was about sport.

Honestly, is anyone surprised by this? The Olympic Village is like a summer sleep-away camp but worse — you’re sticking a bunch of sexually deprived world-class athletes all in closed quarters, with nothing but raging, competitive hormones pumping through their veins. I would say I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I have a pretty good idea. Perhaps the London Games knew what they were doing when they created this logo for the 2012 Games. And if anyone is shagging one of these fine ladies, I’m totally jealous.

Four Horses Banned From Olympics Jumping for Doping

Larry Brown — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 07:33:14 +0000

Honestly, horse doping? Are you kidding me? This might be worse than the billiards doping scandal. I’m still uneasy over my conjecture that half the athletes in the games — if not more — are on something illegal. Just read Game of Shadows to answer all your track questions, and take your wildest guess about wrestlers, martial artists, rowers, and basically anything else where additional strength can help you. And as nieve as it sounds, I can’t get used to the fact that people would actually be pumping horses with illegal steroids. Gross. But apparently it’s happened and caused horses to be kicked out of the games:

Four horses have been banned from competing in Thursday’s Olympic Games jumping competition for doping, the International Equestrian Federation (FEI) announced here Thursday. The horses – representing Brazil, Germany, Ireland and Norway – had been suspended after testing positive for a prohibited substance, the FEI, which controls the sport, said in a statement.
…
In its statement, the FEI said the four horses had been “provisionally suspended by the FEI further to doping/medication control tests that indicated the present of capsaicin in each horse”.

“Capsaicin is classified as a ‘doping’ prohibited substance given its hypersensitising properties, and as a ‘medication class A’ prohibited substance for its pain relieving properties,” the statement said.

By the way, these are show horses we’re talking about here. Show horses. And who said equestrian was a sport for the classy, the elegant? This is disgusting.

Michael Phelps Hardly Talks With Father, Fred Phelps

Larry Brown — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 07:06:16 +0000

One of the questions I kept hearing during the Olympics — especially last week while Aquaman was dominating in the pool — was “Where’s Michael Phelps’ father? Does he have a dad?” I was wondering the same thing too, so with a basic search, I came to find out that his parents divorced when he was young. Even that being the case, it was still surprising not to see anything about his dad, especially considering how much coverage his mother received last week. Well MDS at FanHouse shares an interview from the NY Post that somewhat elaborates on the relationship (or lack thereof) between Michael and his father. Apparently Fred Phelps hasn’t spoken with his son since the Beijing Olypmics, adding:

“I’m very proud of him and all he’s done,” Fred said as he aimed to deflect attention away from the severed relationship. “This is not about me, it’s about him.”

Although he didn’t hop a plane for Beijing to see his son compete, the elder Phelps said he “watched [Michael] every night on TV” last week.

…
“The person I love the most is sitting in the front row – my mom – for everything she’s done,” Michael told reporters Monday in Beijing.

Prior to the start of the 2004 Athens Games, Michael said he hadn’t been in touch with his father since graduating from high school.

“There are reasons and I really don’t want to get into that,” Michael said at the time. “He didn’t call me after I set my first world record in 2001.”

The 23-year-old Olympian reconciled with his dad right before the 2004 Games, and Fred even flew to Athens, where Michael won six gold medals. But the relationship quickly soured.

I’m not interested in getting into what’s happened with their relationship since it’s none of my business and nobody outside of their family probably knows, but it’s just answering a question that was in many people’s mind. I’ve always wondered what the non-existent parent of the single-parent athlete thought about their kid. I can’t imagine it’s easy to watch your son become one of the most famous athletes in history without being part of it. That’s gotta be tough.

Olympics Need to Weight Medal Counts

Larry Brown — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 09:09:00 +0000

Every day for the past two weeks I’ve been giving the medal count on-air. Problem is it just never felt right saying it, or just looking at the standings, that the U.S. was first. When China has won almost double as many golds as us while we’re just racking up silvers and bronzes, doesn’t that mean they’re doing better at the Olypmics than us? When Chinese reporters and news outlets give the medal count, do they have themselves as the top country? I wouldn’t be surprised if they did — it makes more sense that they should be first. It’s just odd that we can spin the medal count to make it look like we’re winning the games. Thing is, there’s a very simple way to solve this issue — have the IOC create an official Weighted Medal Count.

In order to make the total count seem more reflective of a country’s performance, the easiest way to keep score of medals would be a simple 3-2-1 with three points going to the country that won gold etc. But there’s even a problem with that; should every gold won in fencing, track, swimming, and shooting count the same as a medal won in a team event that required several wins in pool play a la soccer, basketball, and volleyball? An improved weighted system should assign points to each event — a gold in soccer worth 14, silver 12, bronze 10, and a gold in shooting worth 3, silver 2, bronze 1. Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? They’re constantly making tweaks to which sports can or cannot be played in the Olympics, why not come out with an official scoring system? Not as if they don’t have four years to figure it out, right?

All-Hottest Olympians at Beijing Team

Larry Brown — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:01:37 +0000

By popular demand, we have the All-Hottest Olympians Team. Usually they have the all-tournament teams and stuff, but athletic prowess is not exactly what concerns us in this instance. After all, what else are the Summer Games good for? Anyway, Jimmy Traina at SI Extra Mustard gave us plenty of excellent choices and provided some inspiration for this carefully selected group. Same with Brahsome who put together a hottest 11 Olympians list, and FanIQ’s Olympians that posed in Playboy.

LERYN FRANCO – Javelin, Paraguay, With Leather favorite

ANA IVANOVIC – Tennis, Serbia, LBS favorite

ALICIA SACRAMONE – Gymnast, U.S., Instant Internet Celeb

JACQUELINE CARVALHO – Volleyball, Brazil, wish she played Beach

SERENA WILLIAMS – Tennis, U.S., Bootylicious

HANNA-MARIA SEPPALA – Swimmer, Finland

HONORABLE MENTION ALL HOT OLYMPICS TEAM

BIBA GOLIC – Table Tennis, Serbia, Hottie in Cleats

HOPE SOLO – Soccer, U.S., Wants to play Brazil

LOLO JONES – Track, U.S., Best abs in the games?

I do have to say, I think Jacqueline Carvalho might be my favorite. She’s awesome. Not sure if her team’s any good, but she sure is.

Alicia Sacramone Is Hot

Larry Brown — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:50:28 +0000

**Also see all the Hottest Olympians at Beijing**

Apparently the Olympics are good for something, contrary to my previous beliefs. Generally I like to avoid gymnasts because their hormones are suppressed to slow their physical development, making them look like little kids (if they aren’t already little kids, that is). Much to my surprise (and delight), the Olympics team actually has a hot girl on it. And she’s 20. And she’s kinda developed. It’s Alicia Sacramone. And she ain’t bad. Check it:

Now I’m not saying she’s Ana Ivanovic status, but she definitely is solid enough to become the 10th Olympian to pose for Playboy. And who cares if she cost us a Gold Medal? She has something those other girls will never have. You know what I’m talking about.

UPDATE: Also see Hottest Olympians at Beijing

What Isn’t China Fixing in the Olympics?

John Ramey — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 07:59:52 +0000

This is just absurd. First they faked the skyline in the Opening Ceremonies with digitally enhanced graphics. Next up they had a cuter 9-year-old girl stand in as the face for the real girl who sung the actual anthem at the Opening Ceremony because the real girl wasn’t cute enough. Then we find out that Bela Karolyi suspected the Chinese were using 10-year-old ringers on their gymnastics team. And if you did watch any of the Olympics (which I got boonswaggled into seeing briefly), there’s no question about it — those chicks are not 16. Mark Chmura thinks those girls are underage.

OK, well if that wasn’t enough, no sporting event would be complete without a conspiracy theory. I was hearing all night from my sister, who was watching the events, how the judges kept screwing us. “The judges are screwing us, the judges are biased against the U.S., the judges must be paid off.” Apparently the U.S. women’s gymnastics team won silver while China won gold. Any shockers there? And as for her charge against the judges, I must show her this video so her suspicions can be confirmed. Luckily I’m in the U.S. and can write this without fear of having my site blocked to boot.

Mark Spitz Not at All Bitter, Oh No

Larry Brown — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 09:06:30 +0000

I had heard a few things about Mark Spitz’s negative attitude towards Michael Phelps and his quest for 8 golds. What I heard however, was nothing compared to the story commenter Gene passes along. 36 years after his day in the spotlight at Munich, Mark Spitz, one of the greatest Olympians ever, is coming off as quite the bitter type. He’s upset he wasn’t invited to the Olypmics to watch Phelps try and break his record of 7 gold medals and 7 world records in one Olympics. The bitter man also added this:

“I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That’s almost demeaning to me. It is not almost — it is.”
…
“I won seven events. If they had the 50m freestyle back then, which they do now, I probably would have won that too,” he said.
…
“He’s almost identical to me. He’s a world-record holder in all these events, so he is dominating the events just like I did,” Spitz said. “He reminds me of myself.”

Hmm, I really can’t imagine why he wouldn’t have been invited. Maybe like Newman says, it got lost in the mail? Dude, I know it’s tough to let go … but just let go.

Honestly, They Actually Give Gold Medals for That?

Larry Brown — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 10:24:52 +0000

Every couple years when the Olympics roll around, I find myself in the minority as one of the few people who really couldn’t care less about the events. Heck, over 34 million people in the country supposedly watched the opening ceremonies on Friday evening. I was not one of them. I was a little too busy watching the opener of a three game set between the Angels and Yankees — something of much greater importance than those silly Olympics you people speak of.

If you asked why, I guess I would say there are a few reasons I don’t get into the Olympics. For one, I’m a pretty hard-core sports fan that’s already deeply entrenched in the baseball playoff race. My viewing habits and interest won’t soon be departing from that. Secondly, for the sports I actually do care about — baseball, basketball, boxing, tennis — the competition isn’t anywhere near the pinnacle they achieve in the pro leagues which have already gone global. Third, I am completely against the gymnastics and track and field competitions (two of the TV darling events) because of the treatment it invokes on the competitors. The way these female gymnasts are forced to train, injected with hormone suppressors and all, it doesn’t strike me as much different from the meat packing industry. And from reading Game of Shadows, seems as if all accomplishments in track and field these days are achieved courtesy of performance-enhancing drugs. Just what I need, to read in five years how all the medals from the ‘08 games are getting stripped. And lastly, who the eff cares about some of these events? Sure, I know it’s only once in a while that I really need to feign interest in badminton, but I just can’t seem to play along.

Honestly, does anyone find it odd that somehow bow and arrow, gun shooting, canoeing, sword fighting, and jumping on a trampoline found places in the Olympics? How prestigious can these international games be when they’re giving out Gold Medals for people who row a boat properly or shoot an arrow accurately. And trampolines? Trampolines? Seriously? I don’t even want to guess how the competition works for that event. Honestly, what a mockery. You telling me I could train for four years on shooting a bow and arrow and I could win a gold medal for it? Is that all it takes? What are we, back in the hunt and gatherer state of mind? Give me a break. Anyway, I’m out — I have some handball to go watch.

Larry Brown Sports » Olympics

Olympic Village or College Sex Fest?

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