Azerbaijan Pants Rule!

I was watching the opening ceremonies for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver and I was mostly unimpressed. That was until the Parade of Nations began and the Azerbaijans stole the show rocking their awesome pants! Check out these bad boys straight out of the 1980s:

I really have no idea about the significance of the pants other than they must be a cultural symbol but I sure like them. The Azerbaijans don’t even have to win a medal because they’ve already left their mark on the Olympics as far as I’m concerned. Nice going, guys.

Thanks to NBC Olympics’ photo gallery for the hookup. The AP provides another close look at the pants:

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Nodar Kumaritashvili Luge Crash Video

One of the saddest stories in Winter Games history took place today as Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili died during a practice run. Kumaritashvili lost control and flipped around the track until he hit a steel beam which may have broken his neck or back. Here’s the Nodar Kumaritashvili crash video:

The Whistler track has been under scrutiny the entire Olympics because it has been called the fastest and most dangerous in the world. Kumaritashvili actually crashed in a prior practice run during which his average speed was 88mph and he was only one of several lugers to crash in practice. Though the Olympics are the home of the best athletes in the world, the IOC will likely be forced to adjust the track after the events that have transpired. Knowing that they reach speeds of 90mph going through the course — with no protection — it’s no surprise that Kumaritashvili wound up dying from his injuries. The luge is no joke and the participants risk their lives every time they take a run. This is a terrible way to kick off the games and some awful news.

Japanese Speedskater Miho Takagi’s G-String Sticks Out in Her Outfit

Over the next few weeks we’ll be exposed to athletes who will be the most important people on Earth. Three weeks from now, we’ll forget 99% of them. That doesn’t mean it’s too early to familiarize yourself with some of these athletes you’ll soon forget. One of whom is Japanese speedskater Miho Takagi who wore a see-through outfit to a training session, one that shows her underwear — a G-String. Here are the pictures of the S&M-style outfit, via Slanch Report and Sports by Brooks:

You think it’s just for a competitive advantage like swimmers shaving off their body hair? I bet it makes her more aerodynamic on the ice. Best of luck to Takagi in Vancouver and here’s to her skating fast in the Winter Games!

Table Tennis player Matthew Syed discusses the sex in Olympic Village

So we’ve heard all the stories about the thousands of condoms available at the Olympic Village to promote safe sex. The figure breaks down to about 10 condoms per Olympian. They must be getting crazy busy to fill up all those balloons. And it’s no surprise considering all the noise the Redeem Team’s been making with the ladies, not to mention the recent Michael Phelps and Stephanie Rice tandem that was reported. Anyway, just in case you were wondering if those 100,000 jimmy hats were a lofty figure, Matthew Syed is here to set you straight:

I am often asked if the Olympic village – the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world’s top athletes for the duration of the Games – is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is. I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point. That is to say twice, which may not sound a lot, but for a 21-year-old undergraduate with crooked teeth, it was a minor miracle.

Barcelona was, for many of us Olympic virgins, as much about sex as it was about sport.

Honestly, is anyone surprised by this? The Olympic Village is like a summer sleep-away camp but worse — you’re sticking a bunch of sexually deprived world-class athletes all in closed quarters, with nothing but raging, competitive hormones pumping through their veins. I would say I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I have a pretty good idea. Perhaps the London Games knew what they were doing when they created this logo for the 2012 Games. And if anyone is shagging one of these fine ladies, I’m totally jealous.

Four Horses Banned From Olympics Jumping for Doping

Honestly, horse doping? Are you kidding me? This might be worse than the billiards doping scandal. I’m still uneasy over my conjecture that half the athletes in the games — if not more — are on something illegal. Just read Game of Shadows to answer all your track questions, and take your wildest guess about wrestlers, martial artists, rowers, and basically anything else where additional strength can help you. And as nieve as it sounds, I can’t get used to the fact that people would actually be pumping horses with illegal steroids. Gross. But apparently it’s happened and caused horses to be kicked out of the games:

Four horses have been banned from competing in Thursday’s Olympic Games jumping competition for doping, the International Equestrian Federation (FEI) announced here Thursday. The horses – representing Brazil, Germany, Ireland and Norway – had been suspended after testing positive for a prohibited substance, the FEI, which controls the sport, said in a statement.

In its statement, the FEI said the four horses had been “provisionally suspended by the FEI further to doping/medication control tests that indicated the present of capsaicin in each horse”.

“Capsaicin is classified as a ‘doping’ prohibited substance given its hypersensitising properties, and as a ‘medication class A’ prohibited substance for its pain relieving properties,” the statement said.

By the way, these are show horses we’re talking about here. Show horses. And who said equestrian was a sport for the classy, the elegant? This is disgusting.

Michael Phelps Hardly Talks With Father, Fred Phelps

One of the questions I kept hearing during the Olympics — especially last week while Aquaman was dominating in the pool — was “Where’s Michael Phelps’ father? Does he have a dad?” I was wondering the same thing too, so with a basic search, I came to find out that his parents divorced when he was young. Even that being the case, it was still surprising not to see anything about his dad, especially considering how much coverage his mother received last week. Well MDS at FanHouse shares an interview from the NY Post that somewhat elaborates on the relationship (or lack thereof) between Michael and his father. Apparently Fred Phelps hasn’t spoken with his son since the Beijing Olypmics, adding:

“I’m very proud of him and all he’s done,” Fred said as he aimed to deflect attention away from the severed relationship. “This is not about me, it’s about him.”

Although he didn’t hop a plane for Beijing to see his son compete, the elder Phelps said he “watched [Michael] every night on TV” last week.

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Olympics Need to Weight Medal Counts

Every day for the past two weeks I’ve been giving the medal count on-air. Problem is it just never felt right saying it, or just looking at the standings, that the U.S. was first. When China has won almost double as many golds as us while we’re just racking up silvers and bronzes, doesn’t that mean they’re doing better at the Olypmics than us? When Chinese reporters and news outlets give the medal count, do they have themselves as the top country? I wouldn’t be surprised if they did — it makes more sense that they should be first. It’s just odd that we can spin the medal count to make it look like we’re winning the games. Thing is, there’s a very simple way to solve this issue — have the IOC create an official Weighted Medal Count.

In order to make the total count seem more reflective of a country’s performance, the easiest way to keep score of medals would be a simple 3-2-1 with three points going to the country that won gold etc. But there’s even a problem with that; should every gold won in fencing, track, swimming, and shooting count the same as a medal won in a team event that required several wins in pool play a la soccer, basketball, and volleyball? An improved weighted system should assign points to each event — a gold in soccer worth 14, silver 12, bronze 10, and a gold in shooting worth 3, silver 2, bronze 1. Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? They’re constantly making tweaks to which sports can or cannot be played in the Olympics, why not come out with an official scoring system? Not as if they don’t have four years to figure it out, right?