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What Isn’t China Fixing in the Olympics?

This is just absurd. First they faked the skyline in the Opening Ceremonies with digitally enhanced graphics. Next up they had a cuter 9-year-old girl stand in as the face for the real girl who sung the actual anthem at the Opening Ceremony because the real girl wasn’t cute enough. Then we find out that Bela Karolyi suspected the Chinese were using 10-year-old ringers on their gymnastics team. And if you did watch any of the Olympics (which I got boonswaggled into seeing briefly), there’s no question about it — those chicks are not 16. Mark Chmura thinks those girls are underage.

OK, well if that wasn’t enough, no sporting event would be complete without a conspiracy theory. I was hearing all night from my sister, who was watching the events, how the judges kept screwing us. “The judges are screwing us, the judges are biased against the U.S., the judges must be paid off.” Apparently the U.S. women’s gymnastics team won silver while China won gold. Any shockers there? And as for her charge against the judges, I must show her this video so her suspicions can be confirmed. Luckily I’m in the U.S. and can write this without fear of having my site blocked to boot.

Mark Spitz Not at All Bitter, Oh No

I had heard a few things about Mark Spitz‘s negative attitude towards Michael Phelps and his quest for 8 golds. What I heard however, was nothing compared to the story commenter Gene passes along. 36 years after his day in the spotlight at Munich, Mark Spitz, one of the greatest Olympians ever, is coming off as quite the bitter type. He’s upset he wasn’t invited to the Olypmics to watch Phelps try and break his record of 7 gold medals and 7 world records in one Olympics. The bitter man also added this:

“I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That’s almost demeaning to me. It is not almost — it is.”

“I won seven events. If they had the 50m freestyle back then, which they do now, I probably would have won that too,” he said.

“He’s almost identical to me. He’s a world-record holder in all these events, so he is dominating the events just like I did,” Spitz said. “He reminds me of myself.”

Hmm, I really can’t imagine why he wouldn’t have been invited. Maybe like Newman says, it got lost in the mail? Dude, I know it’s tough to let go … but just let go.

Honestly, They Actually Give Gold Medals for That?

Every couple years when the Olympics roll around, I find myself in the minority as one of the few people who really couldn’t care less about the events. Heck, over 34 million people in the country supposedly watched the opening ceremonies on Friday evening. I was not one of them. I was a little too busy watching the opener of a three game set between the Angels and Yankees — something of much greater importance than those silly Olympics you people speak of.

If you asked why, I guess I would say there are a few reasons I don’t get into the Olympics. For one, I’m a pretty hard-core sports fan that’s already deeply entrenched in the baseball playoff race. My viewing habits and interest won’t soon be departing from that. Secondly, for the sports I actually do care about — baseball, basketball, boxing, tennis — the competition isn’t anywhere near the pinnacle they achieve in the pro leagues which have already gone global. Third, I am completely against the gymnastics and track and field competitions (two of the TV darling events) because of the treatment it invokes on the competitors. The way these female gymnasts are forced to train, injected with hormone suppressors and all, it doesn’t strike me as much different from the meat packing industry. And from reading Game of Shadows, seems as if all accomplishments in track and field these days are achieved courtesy of performance-enhancing drugs. Just what I need, to read in five years how all the medals from the ’08 games are getting stripped. And lastly, who the eff cares about some of these events? Sure, I know it’s only once in a while that I really need to feign interest in badminton, but I just can’t seem to play along.

Honestly, does anyone find it odd that somehow bow and arrow, gun shooting, canoeing, sword fighting, and jumping on a trampoline found places in the Olympics? How prestigious can these international games be when they’re giving out Gold Medals for people who row a boat properly or shoot an arrow accurately. And trampolines? Trampolines? Seriously? I don’t even want to guess how the competition works for that event. Honestly, what a mockery. You telling me I could train for four years on shooting a bow and arrow and I could win a gold medal for it? Is that all it takes? What are we, back in the hunt and gatherer state of mind? Give me a break. Anyway, I’m out — I have some handball to go watch.