Doc Brown’s Sports Almanac Picks

I’ve wrestled with these games like Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas yet I’ve been unable to come up with a viable conclusion. Who to pick, what to choose? These games seem tougher than ordinary. With this mental predicament in mind, I have no choice but to turn to a higher power for enlightenment.

Patriots (+156) – There are several rules that must be invoked here. 1) Never pick against Tom Brady and Bill Belichick in the playoffs – especially against Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy. Never. For good measure, last week’s win over the Chargers put me back in place. 2) Can’t take a guy with a lame comb-over instead of a buzz-fo-hawk and sideburns. Nothing speaks conservative tight ass quite like the comb over. Think about it, who do you want leading your team with 2 minutes left in the game, the straight arrow comb over or the reckless yet refined model look? The Sports Almanac Pick – Patriots 27 Colts 20

Bears (-2.5) – 1) life sucks. The only reason we have movies with happy endings is because they are scripted that way. There’s no way the Saints’ story ends with them reaching the Super Bowl, much less winning it. 2) Never take a dome team playing in cold weather in January. Never. 3) It’s the Aints we’re talking about here. This is their first appearance in a conference championship game. A Super Bowl berth would just be far too overwhelming. Henceforth, they physically cannot win. The Sports Almanac Pick – Bears 17 Saints 13

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Doc Brown Sports Almanac Picks

Before I break these games down like Nancy Kerrigan’s leg, I must get something off my chest. I am currently watching Mean Girls – and no, that doesn’t make me gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) – but Lindsay Lohan has a ridiculous rack. On to things we won’t quite agree on unanimously…

Baltimore (-4) – Dude, it doesn’t take me saying it, but Peyton is a choke artist. And no, the Colts defense won’t be as dominant against McNair and Baltimore – don’t get it twisted, that was more the Chiefs puckering their asses than the Colts shoving it up there. Colts have a poor running game, and the Ravens have equally studly pass and run defense. Ravens will have a huge field position advantage based on turnovers and strong defense, making it easier to score on offense. They win because they’ll make Peyton look like playoff Peyton, not week 7 Peyton. The Sports Almanac Pick – Ravens 23 Colts 13

Eagles (+5) - This is what I like to call a floss game…you know, like when everyone around you is laughing at something and you can’t figure out what it is, and it’s because you got this nasty chunk of meat stuck in between your teeth and need some floss to get it out, well, that’s how I feel about this one. I’m trying to figure out what I’m missing – why is a team that’s won 6 in a row getting 5 points? I’ll go with the momentum, veteran experience, real Reggie Bush (Brian Westbrook), and the squad who’s starters haven’t played since like freakin November. The Sports Almanac Pick – Eagles 26 Saints 24

Bears (-9.5) - Yes, I’ve been looking for ways to say hexy Rexy is going to blow it, but I’ll save that for next round. No Trufant, no Herndon = no pass defense even against Grossman. He may be the worst QB in the world at times, but don’t forget he’s also been one of the best at times. Seattle’s gonna have trouble scoring against Chicago because, well, they had trouble scoring against the ‘effin Cardinals in Niners no more than a month ago. Plus, don’t underestimate the Devin Hester factor, because after all, he is a ‘Cane. The Sports Almanac Pick – Bears 20 Seahawks 10

Chargers (-5) - Everything is tailored for a typical Pats upset; You got a rookie QB playing his first big game and you have potentially the worst clutch-time coach in perhaps the history of the NFL playoffs both leading the same team. Compare that against two of the best playoff coaches and QBs in the history of the NFL leading the other team. But still, Brady can be rattled, and his less-than-spectacular running game and receiving core can and will be beaten badly. Think the Bolts won’t be watching that Dolphins tape? Think again. Plus, they have Merriman and a ridiculous pass rush. As for the Chargers offense, I have confidence in the Pro Bowler Rivers to make the necessary play on 3rd and long. Notice I didn’t even have to mention the Tomlinson factor? The Sports Almanac Pick – Chargers 27 Patriots 9

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