Cristiano Ronaldo Takes an Embarrassing Dive Against AC Milan (Video)

This is why people in America make fun of soccer.  You can call it ignorant, arrogant, misinformed, ill-informed, or whatever you want to call it, but these are the images that are burned into the minds of people who hate on soccer.  I’d rather see Cristiano Ronaldo spitting at a cameraman than doing something like this.  Check out this video of Cristiano Ronaldo’s dive against AC Milan, courtesy of Deadspin:

The best is when a soccer fan uses the excuse of “that’s just part of the game.”  You’re right, it is, and you should be embarrassed that that’s the case.  I wish I could ref one of these matches just for a day.  I’d slap a red card on every player I saw doing something like this and maybe even force them to wear a blond wig for a game when they returned to action.  Actually, some of them would probably like that.

Video Credit: YouTube user Tperfew

Joseph Rimmer Tried to Run Ref Over With Car After Getting Red Card

Screaming at the ref when something doesn’t go your way is so last year.  There’s no need to publicly humiliate an official if he throws you out of a game when you have a perfectly good automobile waiting in the parking lot.  By that, I don’t mean leave the stadium quietly.  At least not if you’re British amateur soccer player Joseph Rimmer.

Out of Bounds has drawn our attention to a Liverpool Echo report that highlights Rimmer’s psychopathic meltdown during a match in Southport, England in which he was issued a red card.  Rimmer supposedly went to the parking lot after being sent off, got in his car, and drove it onto the field.  While his attorney would later claim Rimmer was just trying to have the game called off, the report indicates he was aiming for referee David Harkness.  Luckily, Harkness was able to get out of the way and was unharmed.

That’s a reasonable reaction, right?  Don’t like a call?  Don’t have a weapon?  Just try to kill the ref with your car.  You got thrown out of the game, so you might as well make use of the extra time you’ve been given.  I don’t know much about the British legal system, but if this guy doesn’t end up in jail I’d be shocked.  If he’s not considered a danger to society after a stunt like that I can’t imagine who would be.

Peruvian Soccer Players Drug Opponents, Slip Them Tranquilizers

I’m really starting to wonder if there’s a translation for the word “sportsmanship” in South America.  A couple weeks back, we brought you a story about the president of Bolivia kneeing an opponent in the man zone during a friendly exhibition.  Today, we have a story from another soccer match in South America — this time in Peru — that may be even more messed up.

According to a report we read over at Deadspin, players from the Peruvian soccer club Sport Ancash drugged their opponents from Hijos de Acosvinchos prior to a match that was supposed to promote the top tier of soccer in Peru.  That’s right, I said drugged.

The story goes that Acosvinchos accepted what they thought to be a friendly gesture from the Sport Ancash coach prior to the game.  The coach gave the Acosvinchos players a drink — which was supposedly in a beaker yet they still drank it — and told them it was an energy drink.  Some of the players started going down like sacks of potatoes minutes later.  Turns out the drinks were the exact opposite of an energy drink and contained tranquilizers.

We hear about teams playing pranks on one another and little tid bits of unsportsmanlike behavior all the time, but doing something like that is inexcusable.  If someone had turned out to be allergic to whatever was in the drinks or hurt them self badly when they collapsed I doubt anyone would be laughing.  Deadspin has a video explaining the incident, for those of you who understand Espanol.

By the way, is it wrong if I start referring to this act as a “Peruvian roofie?” Yes? Fine, I won’t do that.

Bolivian President Evo Morales Knees Soccer Opponent in the Balls (Video)

Now here’s something you don’t see every day — the president of a nation participating in a full on soccer match.  But you know what’s something you probably never see at all?  The president of a nation kneeing someone in the balls during said soccer game.  Yes, that actually happened in Bolivia and it could be the most unique nut shot video we’ve ever featured here at LBS.

Bolivian President Evo Morales decided to celebrate the opening of a new pitch in La Paz by participating in a “friendly” match between his ruling party and the opposing party.  Easy to see where that could go wrong, huh?  Check out the video of Bolivian President Evo Morales kneeing a player in the balls during a soccer game:

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Moroccan Goalie Celebrates a Bit Early

What appeared to be a timely save for keeper Khalid Askri ended up one of the worst cases of premature celebrating soccer has ever seen.  Maghreb Fez and FAR Rabat, two of Morocco‘s top division teams, were squaring off in a game that I have absolutely never heard of entitled the “Throne Cup” when Askri stopped a penalty kick — or did he?  He certainly thought he had, as he began walking away and kissing the logo on his shirt in celebration.  The ball, however, was not finished rolling.  Check out the video of a Moroccan goalie celebrating a penalty kick save too early, courtesy of SI Hot Clicks:

Worse than English goalie Robert Green’s miscue?  Nah, no way.

SI Hot Clicks 9/10

Soccer Player Gets 27-Game Suspension For Choking Referee During Match

Here at LBS, we often offer you the finest in athletes and managers getting carried away during competition. A manager gets upset, kicks dirt on home plate, says something unfavorable about the umpire’s mother, occasionally spits, and if you are lucky throws a chair. Usually when you look back it’s funny. But sometimes athletes cross the line.

Rangers soccer player Jose Pedroso clearly crossed that line when he earned himself a 27-game suspension for choking referee Marcelo Miranda during a match between Rangers football club and Concepcion in a Chilean league. And in the glorious internet age that we live in, video footage of the incident is, of course, on YouTube. Here’s the video of Jose Pedroso choking referee Marcelo Miranda:

If there is one rule that is universal across all sports, it is don’t touch the ref. I feel silly even writing this considering how obvious it is. 27 games is not long enough to sideline Pedroso, who according to the Associated Press later told Chilean newspaper La Tercera “I’m not the least bit sorry.” Surely any sports fan can, for example, compare this incident to the one that got Ron Artest suspended for 73 games and debate whether fighting a spectator or referee is more disgusting (tough call), but with comments like that the man clearly needs discipline more severe than, in his case, a mere 27 games.

By the way, Rangers lost 3-0, and Miranda did not file charges.

Referee choker gets 27-match ban [FOXSports]
Video Credit: YouTube user [tyman921]

New York Red Bull Lands Thierry Henry

At least New York City landed one of its coveted free agent targets this summer. The New York Red Bulls — who actually play at a new stadium in Harrison, NJ — announced Wednesday that French soccer legend Thierry Henry has agreed to a multi-year contract to come display his skills stateside of the Atlantic. Henry, who is expected to make his debut July 22 in an exhibition match against Premier League club Tottenham, had the following to say in an interview on the Red Bulls website:

“Some people might think I am going to go there for vacation – I do actually go there for vacation – but it won’t be for vacation this time. I’m a competitor and I don’t like to lose.”

There is no doubt that this is a good thing for the Red Bulls and MLS, both of whom will benefit from the publicity and star power that Henry commands. But lets not forget, the once crowned prince of the French national team is now 32 years old and landed in the MLS after being let go from Barcelona for lack of quality performance. So while the hype is now officially on, Red Bull fans better hope that Henry brings a few years of quality soccer rather than just a brief spectacle for the franchise.

Thierry Henry joins New York Red Bulls [FOXSports]