Joey Chestnut Would Do Well in Jail

And if you can’t figure that one out after watching the video, then you need to raise your hand so I can come by and hit you over the head with a tack hammer because you are a moron. Anywhoo, as you probably know right now, because it is more popular of a sporting event than actual real sports on July 4th, Joey Chestnut defeated Kobayashi by three wieners to win the World Hot-Dog-Eating Championship. Nicely done Joey, nicely done. Oh yeah, and for all the complaints that Kobayashi had jaw issues, the 63 dogs were his most ever. Exactly.

Closed Captioning+Brady Quinn=Queer

My man Jorge Sedano, host of The Third Shift on Fox Sports Radio, posted this hilarious video on his show blog. It is outstanding. I’ll just let the video do the talking because there is nothing I could possibly add to make this better. Make sure to keep your eye on the left corner and read the closed caption. You may have to watch twice.

Talk about subliminal messages huh?

Still Obsessed With Joakim Noah

Sorry to say it, but I actually think the clown is starting to grow on me. I mean, once you accept him for what he is — a class clown — you can actually sit back, laugh at him and enjoy his goofy behavior.

So anyways, here’s a little more on Joakim, because I’m still obsessed. HG at You Been Blinded had a genius comparison as we were trying to figure out just who Joakim was on draft day — Junior from “Problem Child.”

Then we had this gem of a video — Joakim Noah doing the funkiest dance moves you could imagine:

Wow. He’s a dork. He’s crazy. He’s annoying. But damn, he’s growing on me.

That is one heck of a spoiled brat

I saw this a week or so ago on Dlisted and intended to post it, but somewhere along the lines, it got lost in the blogging shuffle. Anywhoo, I was watching MTV this morning and My Super Sweet 16 Remix was on, so I got to see all the never-before-seen footage from the shows. Needless to say, my day has been completely made. They just played some footage for Audrey’s sweet 16. I don’t expect you to know who she is. Luckily, here is all you need to know about her:

Yes, much to your and my surprise, people like that actually exist. It’s a sad world.

Damn, Now that’s a Bleepin’ Riot!

Nueva Chicago and Tigre — like I know WTF that means — were trying to play some soccer when … a riot broke out. This isn’t just any riot either; it’s a riot to end all riots. Gang bangers, anarchists, inmates, take note:

Body count: 1

Injury count: 47

Arrest count: 78

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Cubs Fans Dislike Blown Saves

Cubbies were up 8-3 going into the 9th. Which is like most other teams nursing a one-run lead. As you might have guessed, they gave up three runs before Troy Tulowitzki cracked a 3-run home run off Bobby Howry, giving the Rockies the 9-8 lead, much to the dismay of Cub fans everywhere. And one in particular:

My favorite part was the remark of the TV analyst, I think Bob Brenly, who got this blast off:

There’s no IQ test to get into the ballpark and idiots will make their presence known from time-to-time…there’s always one cracker jack in every crowd.

That’s great. I’m also appreciative of Vin Scully and his policy of not showing nut bags like this one on camera so they don’t receive their moment of glory. And I would be remiss if I didn’t include Piniella’s line about the security guard:

“I’ll tell you what,” added Piniella, “[Bears coach] Lovie Smith is looking for him.”

Also check out the video at FanIQ, but there’s someone giving an annoying narrative. Imagine what would’ve happened if the Cubs hadn’t won!

Spelling Bee All-Time Greatest Hits

We must remember, well before the legendary Evan O’Dorney burst onto the scene for his 2007 world takeover, there were many spellers before him. Spellers who longed to raise the Scripps trophy and appear in awkward interview after awkward interview. Spellers who set the standards and expectations for proper Bee demeanor. Legends such as Rebecca Sealfon:

And Akshay Buddiga who was KO’d by the power of a word:

We musn’t forget that the chickens have large talons either:

And of course, nobody can beat the great Mr. O’Dorney:

Long live the bee, viva La Spelling Bee!