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Johnnie Morton Got Knocked the **** Out

I’m going to go ahead and give my description of things before I show you the video, because before long, it’ll be pulled down due to copyright infringement. Let me start out with the following. It was a tiny ass ring set up in a gigantic 100,000 person stadium. Translation — place was packed like a Georgetown football game. And despite having the backing of his native Southern California and USC fans, former Detroit Lions wide receiver and Trojans All-American Johnnie Morton got his shit HANDED to him in his professional MMA debut. No joke. Literally. It was over so fast you would’ve thought Morton were fighting Mike Tyson.

Here’s how it went: Morton came out charging, throwing lefts and rights like he was working his trainer in practice. Only problem, Bernard Ackah fought back. Morton, clearly over-matched, then tried to shoot on his opponent and go for the take-down. It was at that point that Ackah caught Morton with a solid Muay Thai knee to the dome that sent Morton standing back up. Then, with the two men facing each other, Ackah delivered a knock out punch that HAS to go on the Best of MMA Knockouts video, Volume 1.

You know that stunt from the movies where a dude walks into a clothesline and gets flattened like a pancake? That was Morton. He was dropped in an instant. Kind of like a quarterback getting blindsided by LT — crumble like a cracker time. And unfortunately, as foxsports.com reports, Morton was carried out from his unsuccessful debut on a stretcher, wearing a neckbrace. It was over in 38 seconds. And now you can experience the magic yourself:

Chest bump to Deuce of Davenport for the video hookup, via the almighty Ballhype.

And I truly hope Morton wasn’t seriously injured, and I hope he learned and taught many other amateurs a good lesson.

Joey Chestnut Breaks Kobayashi’s Hot Dog Eating Record

He didn’t just break it; he shattered it. Joey Chesnut devoured Kobayshi’s 53 3/4 hot dog record like he was munching on ramen noodles. But oh no, Chestnut did not stop there; the San Jose native tacked on an additional six-pack of dogs for good measure. And this Chestnut cat is no porker either — the kid’s in pretty good shape.

With that, I would like you to meet your newest pig competitive eating slob hot dog champion, Joey Chestnut. A world record 59 1/2 hot dogs in 12 minutes:

Thanks to my man John Fricke for bringing this story to my attention, and big ups to Ballhype for coming through with the footage!

Manager Phillip Wellman Is a Beauty

Thanks to my man Jay of My Sports Talk for passing along this fantastic gem of a video. It’s of minor league manager Phillip Wellman. I would give you the description, but that would just take away from the magnificence of it, ya know? So just watch for yourself:

The fact that he’s a short, stocky, bald guy makes this all that much better. And for my money, it doesn’t get much better than Wellman going Full Metal Jacket on the rosin bag. Oh, that is priceless. It’s a toss up between this, and Joe Mikulik for best performance by a manager while getting tossed. I think the Oscar goes to Wellman.

Video of UFC 71: Quinton Jackson 1st Round KO of Chuck Liddell

I just don’t see it.  Call me a snob, call me whatever you want, but UFC just doesn’t do it for me.  It has nothing to offer.  And it certainly has nothing on boxing.  Seriously.  All the ads for the sport are such a farce.  They’re just like that Girls Gone Wild loop that airs at 3am; three hours of crappy footage, compiled into 30 seconds of the best action, making you believe it’s the greatest thing you’ll ever see (sense any bitterness?).  Until you actually order it, and then you realize that 98% of it sucks, while only 2% is good.  And I can’t even say that much of this fight was good.  Anywhoo, enough of the diatribe.  Here’s the fight (if you can call it that):

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Yay.  I’m so excited.

Which Running Back Doesn’t Fit in?

OK, so a priest, a rabbi, Clinton Portis, Willis McGahee, Edgerrin James, and Fred Taylor are all asked trivia questions regarding their career statistics. Aside from the Miami ties of three of them, who of the four doesn’t fit in? What’s really cool, is this gives you an idea of who cares about their stat sheet, and who just cares about the win column.

Thanks to HG and You Been Blinded for digging that up.

RGX Body Spray Girl Rachel Spector (Specter) Is Way Too Hot

That’s it, after seeing the freaking commercial run for the 87th time this morning, I had no choice but to look her up. So who is that vixen? Looks like her hotness is Rachel Specter (which is commonly mis-spelled with an “O”) — a woman of growing internet recognition who seems to be starting out what is sure to be an excellent career in Hollywood. She says she wants to be known as more than the RGX Body Spray Girl. Anywhoo, her latest commercial is sensational. Must see:

More Rachel Specter videos below

Bunny Shop VD sweeps 2007

Simply incredible.

Can you find better commercials than that?

Pacman Jones Made it Rain

Another treat from the Bradyfan83 treasure chest. All ye need know: the hook is “you outta be in jail since you made it rain.” Oh, and make sure you watch long enough to catch the guitar solo at the end — that guy can jam.

Man, it’s almost like a visual version of Pacman’s autobiography. Nice. Thanks to Michael David Smith at FanHouse for the post.