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Monday, May 21, 2018

Not News: Athlete Ineligible, Grades News: He Goes to Stanford

Commenter JS points out that USC’s chances of avenging their football loss to Stanford on the basketball court just went up immensely. Why? Well, stud Cardinal big man, Brook Lopez, not only is academically ineligible for the first nine games of the year, but he’s also suspended indefinitely for skipping class. Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea. It’s one thing when you go to a public university with 300 kids in a lecture; professors don’t know you from the kid serving baguettes in the teacher’s lounge. But when you got to a private university such as Stanford, with 15 squires to a class, something tells me people are going to notice when the one 7’0″ kid isn’t in the room. Feel me? Then again, I don’t expect much more from a pair of dudes named Brook and Robin. How do you even get names like that? Here’s my guess:

Doctor: Would you like to know the sex of your babies?

Mother Lopez: Now, that’s OK. We prefer surprises.

Father Lopez: Yeah, we like surprises.

*** 16 years later ***

Brook (to Robin): How the eff am I supposed to be an intimidating big man in the NBA with a name like Brook?

Robin: Just think of Stacey Augmon and Sasha Vujacic every time you’re on the court. Besides, quit complaining. I’m the one who got named after that hobo sidekick. How do you think I feel?

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