The UCLA-USC Football Rivalry for the Victory Bell … in Poetry Form

Here’s to you, Terry Donahue. We interrupt this USC rules violation to bring you a football game. While the University of Statutory Cheating squares off against a football team Undergoing Currently Languid Athleticism, collegial loyalties are split down the line in Los Angeles. Cardinal and gold, powder blue and gold. East LA and Westwood. Agents and houses, handicapped parking permits. For over a decade, UCLA has had its Victory Bell rung by the school from across town. To prepare you for this weekend’s matchup between UCLA and USC, here is an ode to the crosstown showdown, that would make Bill Shakespeare frown…

Maybe Hades has frozen over,
And perhaps UCLA has plucked a 4-leaf clover.
Years and years of demoralizing defeats,
Beaten by those overpaid Goliaths at USC!
Especially when their prized recruits are getting golf-cart rides for free.

The Bruins’ win in 2006 stands the test of time;
However you remember it, UCLA 13, USC 9.
In case anyone had forgotten,
Somewhere there is a highlight of a Rey Maualuga flattening Pat Cowan.

If it sounds like Bruins fans are crazy, like there’s a screw loose,
So be it, it’s not as wacky as freeing the Juice.

Tommy Trojan hoisting his sword with utter impunity,
How fitting would it be?
Every UCLA fan asks, to see Traveler off to the glue factory!

You’ve probably heard of 1967, OJ and Beban,
Erik Affholter and Johnny Morton got under UCLA’s skin.
Although Westwood can recall 8 straight wins,
Rose Bowl berths in ’94 and ’98 gave ‘SC more chagrin…

For every Gaston Green,
Or Chris Markey,
Runs a Skip Hicks in between!

USC is the tailback U,
Cause Allen, White, Davis, Bell and that guy they vacated,
Lassoed the Bruins along with all the quarterbacks UCLA hated.
After all the money allegedly spent, wasn’t a victory fated?

For those who are anemic, you’ve got the Iron Bowl
Others have the Big Game, more like a lump of coal.
Or rivalries like the Apple Cup, which have gotten old and rotten…
TCU and Rice play for an Iron Skillet,
Because Target had a run on Foreman grills, or they’d both grill it!
After a Territorial Cup and a bunch of teams playing for a bucket,
LA’s got a rivalry that rivals the Game they talk about on Nantucket.
Let’s get it going, the game for the Bell; if UCLA wins, folks, Saturday will be a cold day in hell!
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