Sure it would be funny to make some crack about Barry Zito being the most expensive long reliever in history, but that would be trite. I don’t feel like piling onto Barry even though people say it’s hard to sympathize with a man making $126 million. He signed the contract, he made the choice, he has to deal with the pressure, should we all be so unfortunate. But I think there are a few problems here that the Giants are making to magnify the situation rather than ameliorate it. All parties want Zito to be pitching well and starting every fifth day — that’s how both sides would win (though one could argue Barry’s already won). Unfortunately what the Giants are doing is only compounding the problem.

Why would you send Barry Zito to the bullpen? What good does that do? Right now this is a problem you have for nearly the next six years. The only way for him to come close to earning his money is by being in the rotation. How does sticking him in the bullpen help you? If you don’t think he’s any good, then he’s going to suck regardless of when you pitch him — 1st inning or 6th inning. Are you demoting him because he’s 0-6 and you’re a results-oriented numbers person? Well maybe if he had some defense behind him (did you see how many balls they botched on Sunday or how many unearned runs he’s given up?) or some hitting, then he’d have a win or two. At 1-4, he’s not pitching well, but he’s not an embarrassing 0-6. Are you demoting him because he can’t throw very hard and he’s getting smacked around? Did you not see his numbers in ‘04 and ‘06 in Oakland? Did you forget what you were buying?

If anything, San Francisco should be mad at themselves for spending $126 million on a Cy Young Award won in ‘02 and the dream that that would be replicated five and six years later. Instead they have what Barry was after that point — a slightly better than .500 pitcher who doesn’t miss a start. Well now he’s become a slightly below .500 pitcher and you’re making him miss a start. What he does best — and what you paid for — is a guy who eats innings. Now you’re taking that opportunity away from him. Burying Barry in the bullpen won’t hide the problem, it will just pile onto the embarrassment that’s already been created.

OK, this is just entirely too creepy. The New York Daily News (of course) has a story suggesting that Roger Clemens had a 10-year relationship with country singer Mindy McCready that began when she was 15-years-old. Dude, Rocket, I was a sucker for Hayden Panettiere for a while there, but damn, at least she was like 17 or something. 15 though? That’s like Jesus from Lebowski style right there. There’s no way to be certain about the story, but the Daily News apparently has several sources confirming the romance.

One other aspect to this story, besides the obvious disgusting nature of a grown man getting down with a 15-year-old, is that it could sully Clemens’ argument that he is a solid character, family man. You know he’s trying to sue McNamee for defamation or something, and when it comes to he-said/she-said stuff, this could hurt his image and character. Some of the reports here are just simply weird. Clemens’ wife Debbie says she was aware of the relationship, as Roger says it was strictly a family friends thing. But I ask you: what kind of grown man has a family friend relationship with a young, good-looking teenage woman trying to become a famous singer? Not too many that I know of. This is exactly why agents partition “discretionary accounts” for their clients — so there are no traces of the money going to these side broads.

UPDATE: Per Spin in the comments, McCready admits it’s all true.

Clearly disturbed by the Miami Dolphins infringing upon their reputation as the most delinquent team in football, the Bengals responded in the only way they knew how: they used the NFL draft to stockpile on questionable character characters. That’s right, the team with more jail birds than Pro Bowlers added yet another bad dude, drafting DT Jason Shirley from Fresno State in the 5th round. And whatever the Bengals lost from their criminal record when they cut Chris Henry, they certainly got back with Shirley:

The 6-foot-5, 330-pound former Bulldog was suspended for Fresno State’s first two games for conduct detrimental to the team.
…
Shirley was then arrested after crashing his car into an apartment building Oct. 8.

He was charged with three misdemeanors: hit-and-run, driving under the influence, and driving with a blood-alcohol content of .08 percent or higher, according to The Fresno Bee.

Shirley was suspended from the team for the season, but returned four weeks later when athletic director Thomas Boeh reversed his decision. Shirley had medical documents that showed a concussion he received days before the crash, the Fresno Bee said.

His reprieve didn’t last long: Shirley was dismissed from the team almost one month later. He was cited on suspicion of driving with a suspended license and expired tags.

I do have to say it is reassuring that Marvin Lewis says the Bengals did their homework on Shirley before taking him. Clearly he fits right in with the team concept. Give him one or two years in the league, that rap sheet will take up half the page here at LBS. I sure am looking forward to his time in Cincy. Carry on Bengals, carry on.

Typically I like to keep things pretty sports-centric around here, but since like 20% of the country watches Dancing with the Stars when it’s on TV, I figure some of you have to be one of those one-in-five watching (unless we all make up the other shmoes watching SportsCenter). Anyway, I had the pleasure of speaking with Karina Smirnoff, one of the best dancers in the world. She just made FHM’s 100 Sexiest list, and she’s dating A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell. Karina’s in the middle of her fourth season on the show and has been partnered with boxing star Floyd Mayweather Jr. in the past. I asked her what it was like for Floyd to take orders from a woman, how tough this whole dancing thing really is, and how much funny business goes on behind the scenes. Our interview follows, and make sure to vote for Karina Monday night and Tuesday morning (text 3405). And if you’re not going to vote, just remind your wife, girlfriend, and kids to do so. Besides, do you really want Jason Taylor or Kristi Yamaguchi whatever to win? Didn’t think so. OK, check out the interview …

Read The Full Story…

And that would be … we don’t need you, old man, and … we’re not satisfied with you, young man. The Packers matter of fact passed this message onto Favre a few days ago by placing the QB on the retired/reserve list, even though Favre hinted yet again that he might be interested in coming back. The message was made pretty clear to Aaron Rodgers late in the day on Saturday, when with the 56th overall selection, the Packers made Brian Brohm the third quarterback chosen in the draft. How’s that for a confidence builder if your Rodgers. Nothing says “you’re our franchise quarterback” quite like drafting a “backup” in the 2nd round.

I don’t get the pick for multiple reasons. For the obvious reason, it’s not exactly going to work wonders to Rodgers’ confidence. If you’re Green Bay, you want your former first-round pick to become your franchise guy and to feel secure in the job. He already has the unenviable task of having to replace an irreplaceable legend, and now he has some hot-shot second round pick breathing down his neck. What they eff are they trying to do to Rodgers? Besides that, now they’ll have 2nd round money and 2nd round roster pressure invested into Brohm. You don’t just take a quarterback in the 2nd round and only expect him to be a solid backup; you take a guy in the 2nd because he impresses you enough to be a starter. If you’re just looking for more quarterback depth and a potential backup to Rodgers, you take one on the second day, like in the 5th or 6th round or something. But taking the third quarterback in the draft, in the 2nd round no less, tells me they’re not counting on Rodgers as a long-term answer. I don’t know how you could possibly spin it any other way, Ted Thompson.

(note: that picture really doesn’t have to do too much with the subject of this post, I just couldn’t resist the urge, for obvious reasons.)

Like Tom Glavine to Atlanta, Jim Carey to comedy, the Prodigal Son to Jesus, and Amy Whinehouse to jail, Nomar Garciaparra has returned to a place that loves him so much, a place where he belongs, a place that welcomes him with open arms: the DL. The walking injury hurt himself yet again this season, straining a calf on Friday night. Worst part was the Dodgers had just sent Blake DeWitt down to Triple-A to carry 12 pitchers on the roster since Nomar had just been activated from the DL (he was out with a wrist injury sustained in Spring Training to start the year). So when Nomar went out with his aching calf muscle, Russell Martin was forced to play third base (the position he played when he was originally drafted), allowing Dodger fans to find out who their backup catcher was (apparently some dude named Gary Bennett).

Luckily the Dodgers went on to win the game, and they’ve re-called DeWitt in the meantime. But what to do about Nomar? At this point he’s almost useless; he’s been on the DL now 11 effing times in his 13 year career. He’s probably closer with the training staff than he is with his wife and kids. You can’t even say “poor Nomar” anymore. Dude just needs to figure out a way to stay on the field and effing produce. That’s enough. He’s getting paid handsomely by the team and he has them by the balls because they can’t go out cutting their most popular player. He needs to get his ass on the field and freaking hit so that it’s a win-win for both sides.

Oh yeah, and if you don’t get all the frustration and disappointment surrounding Nomar, go back and take a look at his ‘99 and ‘00 seasons — only two of the best years by a middle infielder in the modern era. Anyone who produced like that but now can’t do any better than OPS .700 is a major drag. He needs to get his act together, finish like a freaking champ, and then retire so we don’t have to be reminded constantly about “what could have been.”