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Thursday, June 21, 2018

Brazil manager bans players from having ‘acrobatic sex’ during World Cup

No-sexWe have great news for the members of the Brazilian national soccer team. Your coach has been kind enough to allow you to have sex during the World Cup this summer. What he won’t tolerate, however, is players who think they’re going to bust out the Kama Sutra and start getting weird. We’ll let Brazil manager Luiz Felipe Scolari elaborate.

Earlier this week, a reporter asked Scolari if he has barred his players from having sex. He said they are free to have sex as long as they don’t get too freaky.

“The players can have normal sex during the World Cup,” he said, as translated by Fox Soccer. “Usually normal sex is done in a balanced way, but there are certain forms, certain ways and others who do acrobatics. And that, no.

“We will put limits and survey players.”

In other words, anything involving the high-mount is completely out of the question. How are they going to monitor this? Assuming they can’t put video cameras in the players’ bedrooms, are they going to have them draw diagrams? Come Monday every player must submit a sketch that shows the exact position he was in while making love to his significant other? I guess that would be the best method.

This is not the first time we have seen a team ban sex to avoid injuries, but I can’t ever remember a coach setting rules for sexual positions. That’s a new one.

H/T For the Win

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