Brazil manager bans players from having ‘acrobatic sex’ during World Cup

No-sexWe have great news for the members of the Brazilian national soccer team. Your coach has been kind enough to allow you to have sex during the World Cup this summer. What he won’t tolerate, however, is players who think they’re going to bust out the Kama Sutra and start getting weird. We’ll let Brazil manager Luiz Felipe Scolari elaborate.

Earlier this week, a reporter asked Scolari if he has barred his players from having sex. He said they are free to have sex as long as they don’t get too freaky.

“The players can have normal sex during the World Cup,” he said, as translated by Fox Soccer. “Usually normal sex is done in a balanced way, but there are certain forms, certain ways and others who do acrobatics. And that, no.

“We will put limits and survey players.”

In other words, anything involving the high-mount is completely out of the question. How are they going to monitor this? Assuming they can’t put video cameras in the players’ bedrooms, are they going to have them draw diagrams? Come Monday every player must submit a sketch that shows the exact position he was in while making love to his significant other? I guess that would be the best method.

This is not the first time we have seen a team ban sex to avoid injuries, but I can’t ever remember a coach setting rules for sexual positions. That’s a new one.

H/T For the Win

Brazilian soccer team staying at secluded hotel to avoid ‘temptations’ in Olympic Village

The Brazilian men’s soccer team is so focused on trying to win the country’s first gold medal in the sport that it is staying at a secluded hotel in order to avoid the “temptations” of the Olympic Village.

“There are too many temptations here,” said coach Mano Menezes, according to The Guardian.

“Some of the players like Neymar and the others have already been the focus of attention from so many other athletes when we’ve been here and we have serious work to do at these Games,” he said.

Neymar is 20 and the star of the mostly under-23 team. Even older athletes have trouble controlling themselves during the Olympics because of the once-in-a-lifetime experience, so you can only imagine what it would be like for a team full of young men.

Brazil may be depriving some of its athletes of the opportunity to experience a sexual awakening, but they’ll have plenty of chances in life to enjoy themselves. They may only have one crack at winning a gold medal. And something tells me the parties will be there if they return to Brazil as gold medalists anyhow, so I understand the coach’s decision.

Photo Credit: Geoff Burke-US PRESSWIRE

Hilarious Flop Leads to Kaka’s Red Card

Brazil beat Ivory Coast 3-1 Sunday guaranteeing themselves a spot in the Knockout Stage. They were up 3-0 thanks to two goals by Luis Fabiano, one that could have involved the use of his hands, and the other set up by Kaka. Kaka was sent off in the 87th minute after getting his second yellow card which resulted in a red card. Ivory Coast’s Kader Keita ran into Kaka and flopped but somehow the penalty was called on Kaka. Check out this video of Kaka’s red card, the result of an embarrassing flop job:

All I have to say is it’s a good thing Shaq wasn’t on the receiving end of that flop otherwise you have no idea what might have been said.

Kaka Sent Off in 88th Minute after Ivory Coast Dive [You Been Blinded]
Video Credit: YouTube user muzztard