Charles Barkley Was Willing to Write Dirk Nowitzki Blank Check to Play at Auburn

Former All-Star and current NBA analyst Charles Barkley has been on the Dirk Nowitzki bandwagon for a long time. Before picking the Mavs to beat the Thunder, Barkley said about Dirk “In my 30 years around the NBA, he has the most unique game. He’s a 7-foot guy who can shoot 3s, he can put it on the floor” and that was only part of his praise for the German. If you don’t understand where his love for Dirk comes from, it actually goes back several years ago when Barkley saw Dirk play as a teenager. He related the story as a guest on PTI Thursday.

“We’re on one of those Nike trips and I had Scottie Pippen and Gary Payton, and a bunch of great players,” Barkley recalled. “Dirk had 28 at halftime. He was like 16 years old. He finished up with about 42. I told him ‘You name your price, you’re going to Auburn University.’ I said ‘Here’s a blank check, just fill it in. Just fill it in. You’re going to Auburn.’ He said ‘I gotta go into the army.’ I took his information, called a couple months later, and Don Nelson drafts him for the Mavs. You know how great we would have been? Can you imagine how great Auburn would have been if we had the white mamba?”

The main point of the story was to explain how good Dirk was at such an early age, and how obvious to Barkley it was that Dirk was a special player. But if you think he was joking about writing a blank check to get Dirk to Auburn, you’re wrong. Barkley freely admits he took money from agents when he played, and he’ll probably tell you Auburn got Cam Newton cheaply if they only paid $180,000 for him.

And just for factual information, Dirk was actually drafted by Milwaukee and traded for Tractor Traylor. It was easily one of the worst draft-day trades ever, all respect to the late Tractor.

Charles Barkley: the Miami Heat are a ‘Whiny Bunch’

Charles Barkley has something to say about the Miami Heat? I know, it’s shocking. The same guy who sees no problem with college athletes taking money from agents and thinks truTV is the white BET is still flapping his gums about America’s most hated team.  At least Sir Charles has taken a step back from calling LeBron and company a bunch of punks.  In fact, Barkley’s latest comments actually make perfect sense for a change.

Pro Basketball Talk passed along Barkley’s insight about the Heat on Tuesday, in which he voices his belief that the Big Three paved the way for people to root against them, and not simply because they are great players.

“[The Heat players] say [the people in the media] don’t like the Miami Heat. First of all, that’s not true at all,” Barkley said. “Those guys are actually a whiny bunch. They said a couple times this year, ‘Well the world is happy the Miami Heat [is losing].’ Please don’t flatter yourself. C’mon man.

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Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith’s Moms Appear on TNT Pregame for Mother’s Day

If you ever wondered where Kenny Smith got his looks from, you don’t have to go any further than his mother. TNT played video messages from the moms of analysts Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith on Mother’s Day, and the buzz was all about how identical Kenny looks to his mom. Check out the pictures of their mothers:

Barkley was asked what he was going to get his mom for Mother’s Day, and he had a classic line. “You mean other than that house and those 5 cars you’ve gotten?” he said rhetorically. Chuck comes up with some of the best lines ever, so that shouldn’t surprise us.

As for Kenny Smith, I don’t think I’ve seen a mother look more like his basketball-playing son since Ray Allen’s mom.

AXE Dirty Dilemma: Shine Charles Barkley’s Bald Head or Try on Marv Albert’s Toupee?

This series is brought to you by AXE Dirty Dilemmas. Click through and play to get your dirty mind blown.

By now you must have seen some of the AXE commercials running on TV. They also have an excellent website where they present several Dirty Dilemmas guys can face and believe me, they’re hilarious. I literally spent 15 minutes just pondering the difficult decisions. Now, we present a Dirty Dilemma of our own keeping in mind the AXE motto — “The cleaner you are, the dirtier you get.”

If presented with the dirty dilemma of having to shine Charles Barkley’s bald head or try on Marv Albert’s toupee, which would you choose? It’s a really tough call because both are pretty gross. So which one? Let’s go to the tale of the tape.

Barkley is probably the most well-known analyst in the NBA. He speaks his mind and says some of the most outrageous things you could imagine. When he’s not saying stupid things, he’s making stupid gestures. He’s a tequila pounding champion and has been busted for a DUI, so you could just imagine that his bald head might be a bit sweaty if you tried to shine it. While it would be nice to touch the man, I think he would get a little sensitive if you tried to scrub up on his dome. The cranky man might swat you like Dikembe Mutombo, so I think I’d have to pass.

On the other end of the AXE Dirty Dilemma we have trying on Marv Albert’s toupee. I don’t know if Marv has ever admitted he wears a toupe, but there’s hardly any denying he’s got a rug. Seriously, PETA is after the guy for all the dead animals he wears on his skull. What’s scary is he’s had the thick, fake combover look since 1968. Nowadays he’s sporting more of a light brown stylish look, but the wig is unmistakable. Marv remains the best play-by-play voice in the NBA using his trademark “YES” after made shots. Marv means big-time basketball. Frankly, hearing a playoff game without his voice just doesn’t sound right. Even though the toupee is a bit gross, I do have to wonder what it would be like tossing on his rug. Couldn’t be any worse than throwing on someone’s coat if you’re cold, right?

After sizing up the situation, I put this question to you: what would you choose in this AXE Dirty Dilemma, shining Charles Barkley’s bald head, or trying on Marv Albert’s toupee? There’s no right or wrong answer in this case, and only you can make the call.

Charles Barkley Breaks Club on First Tee

Charles Barkley is a notoriously bad golfer. He’s got one of the ugliest celebrity swings due to an inexplicable hitch in the middle of his swing.  So anytime Charles decides to pick up a club, comedy ensues. Wednesday’s Pro-Am at the Regions Tradition at Shoal Creek was bound to be comedy gold and it didn’t disappoint.

When Barkley swings, he typically winds up and then stalls in the middle only to raise his club again, reset his feet and then try and cruch the ball as his body spins violently on one leg. It’s not the way they teach you but it is hilarious and normally the only thing that breaks Charles’ ego. On Wednesday, things didn’t go as smoothly.

On the very first tee of the day, Charles lined up the ball, shook his legs and… destroyed his golf club. Yes, his swing was so bad that the head on his driver came flying off and went down the fairway. Check out the video:

Charles blamed the clubs, saying that he left them out of the bag and they were frozen so when he hit the ball, err, the ground, it broke the club. Good thing they were free.

Charles Barkley: truTV is the White BET

Charles Barkley seems to be intrigued with the concept of truTV.  As you all know, Barkley has been a part of this year’s brilliant coverage of the NCAA Tournament.  Charles has been a piece of the magic that has allowed us to not have to scream at the TV when CBS — or ESPN as Greg Gumbel would like to call it — cuts away from a game we are interested in to show a different one.  Based on some comments we saw over at Sports Radio Interviews, Barkley is fascinated with truTV, a network he considers the white people’s BET, or Black Entertainment Television.

Well once I found out we were going to be on truTV. They actually have a show called…first of all…truTV is really the white BET, truTV is white entertainment television. Dude, it’s some of the craziest stuff I’ve ever seen in my life. They got this one show called ‘Lizard Towing,’ Well they got these two big old boys from the south who be repossessing people’s cars and they end up chasing them down the street, fighting them every week. It is hilarious. These guys sneak into people’s houses. First of all, they seem like great guys, but they two big old country boys and they be stealing people’s cars back. It is the funniest thing in the world. They have people fighting with them all of the time. You’re just laughing the whole time. I’m telling you dude, it’s like white black entertainment television.”

Well, as long as they seem like great guys.  You think that’s what the producers at truTV are going for?  White Entertainment Television?  Hey, who are we to question it?  Whether it’s criticizing Billy Packer or blowing up at us sports bloggers, everything that comes out of Barkley’s mouth is pure, solid gold.

Charles Barkley Rants on Billy Packer’s CBS March Madness Coverage Comments

TNT NBA analyst Charles Barkley used his forum on Thursday evening to respond to comments made by longtime college basketball analyst Billy Packer last month. Packer, who has been known to make controversial statements, said he didn’t think it was a good idea for CBS to use NBA announcers for March Madness. His reasoning is quite sound — he told USA Today that NBA announcers calling college hoops is like having them do an entirely different sport. Barkley admitted he’s not as familiar with all the players and schools and resorted to bad words to defend himself, which is no surprise for the buffoon who spews endless moronic rants.