Video: Drunk Cubs Fan Chick is Absolutely Hilarious and Has No Ticket

There are absolutely no words I can provide that will make the following clip funnier.  All I can say is, “Cubs fans.”  I know what you’re thinking: that’s just something bloggers say on Saturday morning when they don’t feel like providing a lot of commentary.  Watch this drunk Cubs fan video and I can assure you you’ll understand what I mean:

My only question is what dude — single or married — would invite this chick into the game with him?  She’s obliterated and on top of that not attractive at all.  Wait, what am I saying?  That obviously has never happened once in her life.  Thanks to WBEZ via Barstool for the video.

Garrett Jones Has Beer Spilled on Him at Wrigley Field

Pittsburgh Pirates right fielder Garrett Jones was trying to make a play on a Carlos Pena blast to the wall on Sunday, but a cup of barley and malted hops got in his way:

The blast from Pena got away from Jones and allowed the Cubs to tie the game 2-2 on a two-run double. While the tendency may be to blame the Cubs fan for intentionally pouring it on Jones, which is something we’ve actually seen Cubs fans do before, it looked like the fan was just trying to catch a home run ball and lost the handle on his beer. And if you still really think the action was intentional, allow me to refer you to the scoreboard where the Pirates won 5-4. Ball don’t lie.

Jones was actually a good sport about the whole thing, saying after the game he got a little in the eye and a little in the mouth and that it tasted like Miller Lite. Should we expect anything less from Cubs fans?

Video via MLB.com

106-Year-Old Cubs Fan Mary Melberg Has Seen 102 Years of Failure

The Chicago Cubs have one of the most pitiful stories of all sports teams. The franchise hasn’t won a World Series since 1908, and though many of their fans complain incessantly about not winning, we often wonder what they’d actually do if their Lovable Losers actually did win a World Series.

Anyway, I got a really cool news release on Tuesday about a woman named Mary Melberg who just turned 106 years old on March 11th. That means she was born in 1905 and was only three years old when the team won the second of its back-to-back titles. This woman has been a card-carrying member of the Die-Hard Cub Fan Club since 1929!!! She’s only seen the team make the World Series once since she was a coherent being!

While it’s always fun to celebrate milestone achievements such as this one, Melberg’s existence personifies the failures of the Cubs. She’s been alive 106 years and was a baby when the team actually won a World Series — talk about putting things in perspective. And though we poke fun, I’d much rather be a Cubs fan than a Pirates fan — at least the North Siders have a chance to win the division most years.

Picture: Classy Cubs Fan Pours Beer on Shane Victorino During Game

If this were a basketball game in Detroit, Shane Victorino might have wound up in the bleachers. As it stood, Victorino made a catch in the bottom of the 5th at Wrigley Field with the bases loaded and one out. Some dopey Cubs fan who likely was a) drunk and b) pissed the team was down 12-2 in the 5th, showed Victorino what he thought of him. In a pathetic act, the fan threw his beer all over the center fielder. Check out the photo via the Sun Times:

8-12 cruze cubs phillies 10

You pay your money, buy your ticket, I guess you have the right to heckle opposing players, even though I don’t like it when it crosses lines. But come on, let the guys actually play. Tossing a beer on someone at the exact moment he’s trying to make a catch? Might as well flash a picture five feet from the batter as he’s trying to hit a 95mph fastball. Deadspin has possibly identified the culprit if you’d like more of this story.