Gilbert Arenas Knows Real Pain

Once again, for I dunno, the hundred millionth time, Gil proves to us why he is the greatest athlete on Earth. From the watchful eye of Agent Steinz, past whom nothing escapes, including the wrath of Gilbert’s razor, comes this anecdote. Here’s Gilbert on the worst pain he’s felt, in an interview with Men’s Journal:

“When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend’s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything — just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed. Now I use clippers.”

And now if I may, steal a line from Marcel Mutoni of Slam Online — Gilbert Arenas: Where Too Much Information Happens. Now that is one funny story. And that’s what makes Gilbert great. (and he also probably just got a bunch of men thinking, too)

(via Ballhype)

Gilbert’s TV Career Taking Off

Which is a good thing, considering his basketball career is on hold for three months. The Wizznutzz (via Ballhype) puts me onto Gil’s latest short film projects. Naturally, they’re pretty humorous. There’s a James Bond-esque Agent Zero film, a Gil’s Island film, and a cooking with Gilbert one. I think my favorite is Gil as America’s Black President:

Gil’s recent blog post is worth a read as well, though mildly depressing because of the injury. If you read it, you’ll find out why Gil celebrated Thanksgiving over the weekend. What a nutball. (though he does make a valid point)

Gil, Come to the Clippers, Part II

Aside from being a source of great humor, Gilbert’s blog has actually provided some newsworthy content recently. For one, it helped him clarify the story that he was going to opt out of his current contract with the Wizards. Now, it’s allowed him to explain another report about where he’d like to play. And I’m pleased to say that coming to LA is high on Gilbert’s list:

When I told Complex.com that the L.A., San Antonio, Dallas and Houston would be cities that I would like to play in if I opt out, they all come after D.C. If something did happen weird where Antawn left and we lost our team and it wasn’t a good situation for me to come back, those are the four cities that I would want to play in.

I would want to go back home and play in L.A. I would want to go to San Antonio because they’re a championship-caliber team — same thing with Dallas. Houston is on the come-up with Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady. Three out of the four are contenders right now. That was my reasoning.

You never know, but the four teams I mentioned have a solid base. If anything happens with the Wizards, that’s my Plan B.

There was a time when wanting to come to play in LA also fell into the same category as going to a contender. Funny how things work. One thing I think Gil is missing is that most of the teams he mentioned probably couldn’t afford to take him on with the salary cap. Just a thought. But it sure would be nice to see Gilbert back in LA (sorry Wizards fans).

Grandmas Love Gilbert

Really, this is quite a long tale, so I advise you to check it out in full. Apparently some fan went to a Wizards game and caught Gilbert’s eye by pulling out a Halo video game box. He gestured to Gilbert using a writing motion, so as to ask Gilbert to sign the game. Gilbert then apparently summoned a towel boy to locate the fan and bring him the video game (while the game was going on, mind you), along with another surprise gift. And we’ll pick up the rest of the story (Jimmy is the fan’s name):

So, like a kid trying to avoid getting caught with a Sports Illustrated during physics class, Gil turned his body to shield the Halo box from assistant coach Randy Ayers (who was sitting next to Arenas), and signed the box.

Then Arenas pulled out the surprise gift — a massive pair of granny panties, size 10x. Upon which Jimmy had written, “My grandma loves Gilbert Arenas.” Except he drew a heart instead of writing “loves.” Jimmy even took the time to color the heart bright red.

Arenas was puzzled. As play continued on the court, he forgot about assistant coach Randy Ayers sitting right next to him. He frowned at Jimmy. Jimmy gestured that the panties were for Arenas.

About this time, the rest of the Wizards players sitting on the bench noticed Gilbert holding up ginormous granny panties. Which Gilbert happily passed around to the rest of the team – let no one say the man is selfish. While play carried on, they laughed uproariously. Somehow, the coaches seemed not to notice.

I love how Gilbert sent the Halo box back to the fan, but kept the granny panties for himself. What a character. And if the Wizards want to reach out to an elderly fan base, now they have a perfect slogan: “Grandmas Love Gilbert.” I don’t even care if this story isn’t true — it’s freaking hilarious!

(thanks to Matt W. for the tip)

UPDATE: Gil confirmed the story on his blog.

Other Great Gilbert Stories:
Gilbert Comes to Barry Bonds’ Rescue*
I’d Drop 84-85 points on Duke
Gilbert Takes on DeShawn Stevenson in a 3pt Competition
Gilbert Predicts 50 points Game Against the Blazers
Gilbert Fires Back at the Media

Gilbert Comes to Barry’s Rescue*

Well, I guess that headline would be misleading, considering Gilbert hasn’t quite come to Barry’s rescue just yet. But he wants to. At least that’s what he told DC Sports Bog (& Grill) man Dan Steinberg. Apparently Gil’s incensed by Marc Ecko’s plan to brand the 756 ball with an asterisk and send it to the Hall and wants to buy the ball from Ecko. Gil’s reason:

“It’s history,” Gil began. “It’s still history. I mean, the guy’s a man before he’s some big slugger. I mean, how you just going to take what this man’s done for his career and, as another man, say ‘Hey, you were accused of this, you allegedly did this, I want to take this away from you.’ I mean, what if we took away your Ecko company?

Gil said that he would be willing to pay $800,000 for the ball.

“If the Hall wants it, I’ll give it to the Hall, unmarked. If not, I’ll keep it. I’ll give it to Barry’s son. I don’t know, or at least do something positive with it, auction it off, build something, build some homes for the homeless, I don’t know. Do something positive.

They’re you have it. Gilbertology at its finest. While I side with Gilbert on almost every topic, this is one where I have to disagree with the man. Seriously, your head would have to be stuck pretty far up your ass to not believe Barry’s record is tainted. And as far as I’m concerned, a red flags goes up every time I hear someone defend Bonds. Are they doing so because they’ve used performance-enhancers before and they’re trying to justify the practice? Or maybe Gilbert’s just a really good guy — so I’d like to think.

(via Shoals at FanHouse; image courtesy Deadspin who also interviewed Agent Zero on Friday, take a look)

Richard Jefferson One-Ups Gilbert Arenas

We learned in Gilbert’s latest blog entry that he has a healthy competition running with fellow Arizona Wildcat, Richard Jefferson. To recap:

Me and Richard, for some reason, always end up having a bragging session when we’re around each other and try to out-do one another. For some reason, he thinks he’s better than me. He can’t fathom that he’s only the third best player from Arizona, and I’m No. 1. He just hates that I’m No. 1. He hates to see me on my own video game, he hates that I’m a three-time All-Star, he hates the fact that he only got a bronze medal … all of that. He is bitter about it.

It seems as if Richard Jefferson heard what Gil said about him, and he responded. Boy did he ever. Jefferson out-did even Captain Limpwrist, donating what’s believed to be the largest amount of money by a player to a university.

But Jefferson became the No. 1 donor among former Wildcat players Friday, pledging $3.5 million toward the University of Arizona’s future basketball and volleyball practice facility. UA officials believe it is the largest donation ever from a former player to a school he played for, surpassing the $3 million that NBA star Carmelo Anthony gave Syracuse University last year.

Most likely, Jefferson will remind Arenas of his gift often. Jefferson’s donation will ensure his name is a part of the $20 million complex, which also includes a diving well and a renovated gymnastics facility. It is scheduled for completion in September 2008.

Gilbert, ball’s in your court, my man. What you got to say about that?

(photo courtesy David Sanders/Arizona Daily Star)

Hey, Gilbert’s Still Alive, Remember?

Yeah, back a few months ago before the injury, Gil was the hottest thing around. Now, not so much. He’s rehabbing his injury and blogging about it. In fact, he dropped a few nuggets on us. One is about his current training program. The other, was some nice smack talk. I’ll share both of them with you, courtesy of Gil’s blog:

Right now I’m in the middle of making 100,000 shots over 73 days. It’s a little mini-series I do. Right now I’m shooting 69.7 percent from the three-point line and I’m shooting 79.3 percent, I think, from the college three.

I came up with this idea because of this kid Mike. He’s a shooter that went to my high school and broke some of my records, and this is what he just finished doing. So we do these little challenges because he thinks he can shoot better than me. He knows mentally he can’t beat me, but I have to say he did shoot 85 percent from the college three-point line. I think that’s pretty good.

They were down in D.C. at the Verizon Center so I played with them. I hit a couple buckets, you know, but that’s all I can say. I couldn’t jump and stuff them, I was looking like I was Chucky Atkins out there around the rim. The stroke was there, but I was looking like Chucky on the vert.

Gilbert still has the magic touch! Gotta love him. Ragging on Chucky Atkins — that’s Gil at his finest. And the kid Mike from Gilbert’s high school who broke some of his records is Mike Danielian, who plays for Azusa Pacific in So. Cal. Let me just say this, 70% from the 3pt line is absolutely absurd. There’s a reason he gets paid the big bucks. And that Danielian kid should too — 85% on college 3′s?!? Are you kidding me? Slap an All-American tag on him, he’s golden.

Other Awesomeness from Gilbert’s Blog:
I’d Drop 84-85 points on Duke
Gilbert Takes on DeShawn Stevenson in a 3pt Competition
Gilbert Predicts 50 points Game Against the Blazers
Gilbert Fires Back at the Media