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Jared Allen Thought ‘Schism’ Was an STD

jared-allenMr. DUI aka Mr. Dirty Hits on Your Quarterback aka Jared Allen keeps getting a lot of attention from the media for two reasons: he’s a good player, and he’s a good personality. While his athletic ability was limited to those in attendance at practice, Allen’s colorful personality was on complete display when he was interviewed by ESPN Thursday regarding the report that there was a “schism” in the Vikings locker room regarding support for the team’s quarterbacks. Check out his comments:

“I don’t know where this came from. Like I said, I don’t think anyone on this team knows what ‘schism’ is, let alone could use it in a sentence. I thought it was an STD when I first heard it and I was like ‘whoa,’ we preach abstinence around these parts!”

There’s no doubt this dude is a total nut. You hear quotes like that and it just completely fits in with his personality — the weird mullets, the hunting outfits, the repeated DUIs. What a crazy mother. By the way, I’m having mixed feelings about the “schism” report. Last year I felt ESPN was out of line for intentionally going after the Cowboys and coming out with a report that T.O. was jealous of Jason Witten’s relationship with Tony Romo. I thought that was more of a bullcrap story whereas this one seems more concrete. Honestly, how can Brett Favre only decide to join the team after training camp ends and just expect the guys to welcome him with open arms? I’m glad he’s getting the sense that he’s unwanted because for many people who are tired of his charade, that’s how it is. By the way, aren’t there schisms on every team with a QB controversy? It’s only that this one really matters because it involves Favre.

Video: Hypocritical Jared Allen Upset Over Cheap Shot by Gosder Cherilus

Jared Allen is one of the dirtiest players in the NFL. I don’t need some SI players poll to tell me that — I can figure it out on my own. The guy’s got like three DUIs, he’s been suspended games because of it, and he’s been fined like 90 grand this year, mostly for dirty hits on quarterbacks. He got docked 50 large for taking out Matt Schaub’s knees, an injury that made Schaub miss about four games. He was fined 25 grand for his late hits on Aaron Rodgers. This guy’s a dirty, filthy, disgusting player who isn’t much of a sportsman on the field. But as soon as someone turns the table on him, he gets completely outraged and incensed like an utter hypocrite. Check out the video of Allen getting cut-blocked by Gosder Cherilus of the Lions on Sunday and turn your volume down (the music in the video sucks).

Allen gets up all raging bull style on Cherilus like he can’t believe how someone could be so dirty as to go after his unprotected knees. Duh, Jared! That’s the exact thing you’re doing to quarterbacks and you’re not thinking twice before harming them. Now that you know how it feels, maybe you’ll take it upon yourself to play with slightly more caution. It would serve us all better.