In 2008 startling news broke about a New Zealand couple whose daughter was taken away from them because of the name they gave her. At first it sounded unfair– I mean shouldn’t parents have the right to name their child whatever they want?
Then I saw the name and I immediately applauded the Kiwi legal system for its swift and impartial justice. The poor child who was receiving enough ridicule at school that she refused to divulge her name and asked only to be referred to as “K” was officially named … Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.
According to the article the judge was taking a stand against parents who give their children outrageous names, and he even listed a few that have been banned by registration officials: Stallion, Yeah Detroit, Fish and Chips, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit, twins called Benson and Hedges, other children called Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence.
“Violence” seems ridiculous but my fiancee actually played basketball in high school with a girl named “Felon”, so I didn’t find that one as hard to believe as “Sex Fruit” or “Number 16 Bus Shelter” (I’m assuming that’s where the unfortunate child was conceived?).
Anyway, all this talk of crazy names got me thinking about the subsegment of society with the highest frequency of indescribably bad forenames: athletes.