The stab punctured Carpenter’s femoral artery and could cost him his leg. He was released from Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital on Sunday and could need more surgeries.

“People get in arguments every day on every golf course in America,” Carpenter said. “But 99.9 percent of the time no one takes it this far.

“If (the blood flow in my leg) does not regenerate it will be no good to me. I’ll never be able to lift my feet up again. I’ve run full marathons, and I’ll never be a runner again. I’ve lost the ability to properly use my leg. I’ll have to use a brace on this right leg forever.”

Police in Tarrant County, Texas are investigating the incident. As if the story isn’t unusual enough, the 9-1-1 call is even more strange. A man who identified himself as a member of the foursome that was playing in front of Carpenter placed an 11-minute emergency call and sounded unsure about how the injury occurred.

“He fell on a golf club or something,” the caller reportedly said. “He’s passed out once already. We’ve got his artery clamped with our hand. We don’t know this guy. They were golfers behind us. He’s not in our group.”

Carpenter said the attacker tried to hit him in the head with a club before stabbing him, and he grabbed the club and snapped it. If the caller was playing ahead of the threesome that was trying to play through and was present when the brawl broke out, it would be tough to imagine he does not know what happened. Somebody should remind these people that golf is just a game.

H/T Devil Ball Golf

“Apparently it’s one of those mysterious things, where you can throw it out (from) sneezing. I just leaned over to dip into some delicious pancakes that my wife made,” Penner explained to Kings Insider.

“It’s just like it [the pain] wraps around you and squeezes. … So it was disappointing. Hopefully it’s just an isolated incident, and not something that’s going to become chronic.”

Most sports fans were probably unfamiliar with Penner, and I’m guessing this isn’t the way he wanted to become known. If anything can comfort Dustin in this difficult time, it’s knowing that there are plenty more weird injuries where this came from, many much worse than this.

You ready for this?

Richardson was icing his ankle and that apparently caused irritation on his heel. Because of the irritated heel, he was inactive for the team’s game.

Q is only averaging 2.3 points and 13 minutes per game, so it’s not as if the Magic missed him. But this is easily the lamest reason for missing a game since Samardo Samuels’ lost passport.

H/T Hot Clicks, SB Nation

Harris was waived by the Cavs last week after being unable to practice because of an injury to his right foot. The guard suffered freezer burn on his foot after stepping into a Cryon-X cooling chamber. Cryotherapy chambers have become popular with athletes recently, but Harris reportedly made the mistake of walking in with a wet sock.

Harris tweeted two weeks ago “2nd degree burn on my foot, havent practiced with the team yet, got injured in a way that was totally out of my control!!”

Sounds like the injury may have been his fault, contrary to what he says. What sucks is that he was unable to be treated by the team’s doctors because of the lockout, delaying his possible recovery. Cleveland lost its season opener 104-96 Monday without him. That’s a pretty painful way to learn a tough lesson.

According to the L.A. Times, the sophomore forward was snorkeling in Hawaii when he cut his foot and needed five stitches.  Apparently the Maui Invitational did not include a presentation about the dangers of coral and how deceptively sharp it can be.  Of course you’re going to snorkel when you score a free trip to Hawaii, but at least know some basic guidelines before you embark.

Wear missed practice on Saturday and is scheduled to be reevaluated on Monday.  Athletes really need to start paying more attention when they’re around sharp things.  With important games on the line, we can’t have guys slicing their hands open with scissors and injuring their hands trying to clean a blender.  Didn’t these guys learn anything about safety when they were growing up?

That’s right, the same tennis player who hurt his hand playing Playstation almost exactly a year ago has suffered another bizarre injury.  This time, Murray strained his ass.  He withdrew from the Swiss Indoors on Wednesday after somehow straining his right gluteal muscle while sleeping.

“I don’t know how I did it or what it came from,” a distressed looking Murray (as you can see from the above photo) explained according to On The Go Tennis. “I’ve never had anything like this before.”

Poor guy can’t get out of his own way.  Maybe he just needs to be particularly careful with everyday activities in the weeks surrounding Halloween, because that’s when his strange injuries seem to occur.  Here’s hoping Murray’s ass makes a quick recovery so he can return to action.

As CBSSports.com’s Eye on Baseball blog shared with us, Blue Jays starter Brett Cecil was scratched from his Friday night start against the Yankees after he injured his hand.  Simply put, Cecil could avoid a similar injury in the future by taking more caution when handling a blender.  Cecil reportedly sliced his hand while cleaning the dangerous and complicated contraption.

Someone needs to explain to me how we have seen three starting pitchers miss time due to hand lacerations this season — one with a pair of scissors, one using a knife to separate hamburger patties, and another cleaning a blender.  Did these grown men spend too much time throwing baseballs when they were younger and not enough learning basic safety?  Thank goodness our man Danny Lee already looked into it so I don’t have to.

As he looks to return to the Marlins before the end of the season, Johnson shed some light on what may have contributed to his shoulder inflammation.  Believe it or not, the 6-foot-7-inch right hander told the Miami Herald his doctor says “tall man’s syndrome” could very well have been a contributing factor.

“It’s a matter of posture and a bunch of stuff that just kind of led up to it,” Johnson said. “Years and years of being tall, you’re always slouching down and bending over. You’re shoulder’s not in a good place. You start leaning over when you’re throwing. It snowballs.”

While shoulder soreness from tall man’s syndrome has nothing to do with clumsiness like this injury or this injury did, it is still just as intriguing.  The world can be a tough place for tall people, so I wouldn’t doubt there are things in life that could put stress on the shoulder of someone who is that tall. Being that tall also helps Johnson throw a fastball 97 mph, so it has its benefits as well.

It’s not as if scores of celebrities haven’t injured themselves in foolish ways, even Presidential hopefuls like Bob Dole have been known to swan dive off a stage for the public’s consumption. Stuff like that happens, especially when you fly in the face of gravity. Baseball players, though, have raised the art to a head-scratching art form.

Perhaps you chuckled when you heard Rafael Furcal, who for all intents and purposes would be labeled an athlete, had trouble navigating the velvet rope you may find at a local movie theater. Baseball provides enough fodder for the AMA to start printing a whole new manifesto.

Sammy Sosa gave everyone pause when he once sneezed his way onto the disabled list, throwing out his back in the process. He wasn’t the only Cub to land in the Hall of Ignominy, however. If you like your sports metaphors mixed, shaken, and blurred, look up Carlos Zambrano. Z, or Malcontent, as he is affectionately called, once got “tennis elbow” from spending too much time on the computer talking with his brother. If you believe any part of that sentence, raise your hand because the Publisher’s Clearing House wants your info.

Well, it’s probably not as bad as alleged Guitar Hero, Joel Zumaya, who injured himself playing too much of that video game. Former Blue Jays teammates Glenallen Hill and David Wells discovered that sleepwalking is contagious. Glenallen Hill’s professed arachnophobia apparently led to a nightmare involving spiders which led to him sleepwalking, bouncing off walls, climbing up stairs, and crashing into coffee tables and, somehow, ended up on crutches. My nightmare involving arachnophobia unfortunately took place in a clear state of mind and ended up with no injuries but the traumatizing memories of having to pay to see John Goodman’s performance in the eponymous film. David Wells’ ne’er-do-wellism involved him sleepwalking into a pane of glass. Surprising, since most of Wells’ absences probably could have been attributable to a keg or three. Note to ballplayers: stop buying furniture from IKEA.

As if household sleeping disasters weren’t bad enough, Ken Griffey Jr. broke a pinky while slipping in the shower. Jeff Kent supposedly was washing his truck when he broke his wrist (that’s why I pay for my car washes every six months), but then recanted and confessed that a motorcycle was to blame for his wrist somehow being broken. Kent said he did it at a do-it-yourself carwash. (The better question: when was the last time a baseball player did anything themselves?) Joe Beimel cut his hand up while pitching for the Dodgers, claiming to have done it while reaching for a glass of water in the middle of the night, having the glass drop and break on the floor, and then trying to pick up the pieces with the lights off (throw in some Alfred Hitchcock music and it sounds like the beginning of some kind of horror movie). But, alas, Beimel was absent from the Dodgers playoff run in 2006 because of a broken glass at a bar.

If that were only the end of it. Dennis Martinez perhaps earned the nickname “El Presidente” after pulling a Gerry Ford while improperly hoisting a watermelon. (As if there was an instruction booklet that could detail such a task.) Perhaps we could always indict Kool and the Gang for inciting these injuries with their exhortation to celebrate. Kendrys Morales, before he added an “S” to the end of his first name and lost 2 seasons of his career, fractured his left leg while celebrating a walk-off grand slam against the Mariners in 2010; he has not played since. The Florida Marlins’ Chris Coghlan had a knee-jerk reaction in more ways than one during a game-winning celebration last year. During a pie-in-the-face stunt on Wes Helms, Coghlan tore the meniscus in his left knee and missed nearly half the season as a result. If you’re considering going vegetarian, perhaps you may want to assess the risks first. Matt Wise didn’t. In what may very well have been the first instance of salad tongs-related mishaps, the former White Sox pitcher cut his middle finger and was briefly sidelined while helping himself to some greenery. (Editor’s note: at time of writing, there have been no injuries caused by bacon in baseball — wait, check that.)

Ah, the poor schmoes of baseball. If misery loves company, then misery better rent out a ballroom because there are plenty more in line. Cast-off Marty Cordova was once sidelined after burning his face in a tanning bed. Kerry Woods injured himself climbing out of a hot tub. Kevin Mitchell shelved after microwaving a donut (using radioactive isotopes perhaps). Terry Mulholland scratched an eye with just that single down feather trying to break free from a disobedient pillow. Wade Boggs and his dangerous pair of cowboy boots — those dad-gum things just wouldn’t come off.

Baseball players would certainly make good magicians, creating this many illusions. Never mind. If you remember Steve Sparks trying to tear a phone book in half, you’ll surely remember the dislocated shoulder that followed. They’re obviously not the best athletes of the bunch either. Witness Vince Coleman getting injured by a tarp slowly being rolled onto the field prior to Game 4 of the 1985 of the NLCS while a member of the Cardinals. But, then, injuring Mets teammate Dwight Gooden while swinging a golf club in the clubhouse in 1993, presumably by accident, though no one has ever been spotted in New York City wielding a nine-iron for purposes of playing golf. Come to think of it, maybe baseball players are just a cut (literally) above the athletes in other sports. Or, maybe, just maybe, they are simply bad liars.

According to WISTV, Gamecocks backup quarterback Andrew Clifford will be out for a few weeks after he had to be rushed to the hospital over the weekend when he crashed his moped.  Perhaps it is not the driving the moped part that is dangerous, however.  According to head coach and wine connoisseur Steve Spurrier, Clifford was not wearing a helmet at the time of the accident and was carrying a pizza.  He is said to have needed stitches and suffered a concussion.

LB may not buy it, but these things can be dangerous.  We have featured a good amount of weird injuries here on LBS over the years (of of which I recommend taking a look at) and moped injuries have now made the repeat list.  When you have a variety of injuries that include bug bites and burnt fingers, any recurring themes must indicate some level of danger.

Helmet smack to Sports by Brooks Live for the story.