Jered Weaver Cuts Hand on Bench, Will Miss Start

Keeping up the tradition of the weirdest injuries in sports, Angels pitcher Jered Weaver will miss his next scheduled start because of cuts on his fingers. Did he cut his hand on a fence, or some netting, or maybe on a small knife? Nope, nope, and nope. Jered Weaver hurt himself getting up from a dugout bench. Seriously.

Weaver sustained cuts on the tips of the middle and ring fingers of his pitching hand while pushing himself up off the Comerica Park dugout bench during Tuesday night’s game against the Tigers. The cuts were not deep enough to require stitches.

Yeah, but they were deep enough to keep Weav from making his scheduled start Friday night against the White Sox. Instead, he’ll make the start on Monday against the Yankees, and the Sox will have the pleasure of teeing off on Dustin Moseley. Way to go, Jered. At least it’s not as bad as hurting yourself on a pillow.

Josh McCown Wood Chopping His Way Out of Starting QB Job

LBS reader and commenter Jeff emails in with the story of Dolphins quarterback Josh McCown (he’s with the Dolphins now???) who is doing his best to play his way out of the starting quarterback competition. With Chad Henne and Cleo Lemon as the other candidates, McCown actually has a legit shot. Or had, shall we say, since he just injured his hand. From the Palm Beach Post:

McCown said he suffered the injury while cutting wood with his brother, a back-up quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The McCown brothers had cleared trees in a lot near a lake back home Texas and decided to cut some of it up into firewood.

McCown was holding the wood when his brother grazed his finger with a chainsaw.

“It was kid of some miscommunication about where we were cutting,” McCown said.

Yeah, a miscommunication, you don’t say. This ranks right up there with some of our other classic weird injuries on the site. I’ll leave the final word to Jeff who sums things up perfectly: “What schmuck of a QB who makes millions with his hands would be out cutting wood. Isn’t that what he’s supposed to use the money for. Have someone else cut it for him.” Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Pillow Sends Brandon Inge to the DL

I’m always a sucker for weird baseball injuries, so after seeing this up at SportsbyBrooks, there was no question I had to post it. Brandon Inge was placed on the DL with a strained oblique. How did it happen you ask? The Detroit Free Press answers the question:

Inge said he aggravated the injury moving a pillow for his three-year-old Monday night. He said if not for that mishap, he probably would have tried to continue to play with the injury, which he said has bothered him since he suffered it on June 1 in Seattle.

Told of Inge’s account of the pillow, Tigers manager Jim Leyland said, “That’s a first.”

Well, after hearing that Raul Ibanez hurt himself sleeping, Aaron Rowand by playing tag, and Brandon Marshall by slipping on a McDonald’s bag, I can’t say I’m that surprised by this one. Amazing. Not that I did any sports betting on it, but my money at the sportsbook would have been on the Tigers to win the World Series before the year started. Now I know why they’re struggling — everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. And they’re only five games out of first, too!

Dioner Navarro Injured by a Net. Seriously

We already knew that baseball players sustained some odd injuries. Aaron Rowand got hurt playing tag, Raul Ibanez injured himself while sleeping, and some chick even got attacked by a bird while touring Fenway Pahk. No surprise then to hear how Rays catcher Dioner Navarro landed on the 15-day DL.

Navarro was coming off the field after the second inning of the Rays’ game against the New York Yankees on Friday night when he missed a dugout step on his way to the bench. He reached for something to try to break his fall, and sliced open his hand on the netting designed to protect players from foul balls.

“I almost threw up when I saw it,” said Navarro, who got eight stitches on his ring finger and four on his middle one. “I was like, ‘Whoaaa.’ I didn’t know a piece of net could do this.”

That must be some seriously tight-wound strand to slice through his hand like that. And honestly, I thought nets only provided a hazard to deep-sea mammals. You read this stuff and then you think of Cal Ripken. Now tell me you’re not impressed.

Brandon Marshall Slips on McDonald’s Bag, Arm Goes Through TV

This one could very well be so improbable that it might be true. Not even George Costanza on his best day could have come up with this excuse by Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall for needing stitches on his elbow. Honestly, Raul Ibanez hurting his neck sleeping and Aaron Rowand hurting his arm playing tag thinks this is a stretch. From Brandon Marshall, on how he injured his arm:

In the most bizarre off-season injury to date, Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall said he slipped on a McDonalds bag and wound up with his arm wrapped in a cast.

Marshall said he was at the Westgate Lakes Resort in Orlando, Fla. on Saturday and slipped and fell on a McDonald’s wrapper. When he slipped, he said he stuck out his hand to brace his fall and it went through a TV entertainment center.

Seriously, we’re supposed to believe that happened? Where did he come up with that one? Why not just come out and say you were hammered with buddies, one broke a beer bottle, and you cut your arm on it. Or that you cut it hopping a fence — you know, something believable. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s so wild and wacky that it has to be true. I doubt it, but it is a possibility. FanIQ’s gonna have to add this one to the list.

The bag KO’d Marshall for at-least three months.

Felix Pie Out With a Twisted Testicle

Much like Ken Griffey Jr. who suffered an injury to his nuts recently, Felix Pie is also hurting in the family jewels. The dude apparently missed a few games this spring because of one odd injury — he was out with has been described as a “twisted testicle.” No joke. From the Cubs’ official site, where they talked about Alfonso Soriano’s injury:

The Cubs have had a variety of injuries this spring. So far, infielder Mark DeRosa was hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat, pitcher Jose Ascanio had a bruised face after getting punched in a robbery attempt, and outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle. Third baseman Aramis Ramirez remains sidelined with a sore right shoulder.

Yes, you caught that correctly. I know sometimes I’ve got the boys a little out of place and sat on em by accident, and let me tell you, it was no pleasure. I can see how painful this may have been for Mr. Pie. Hopefully his teammates were nothing but supportive in his time of need. One thing though, I wonder how Felix feels about this getting out to the masses. This reminds me of the time when Ravens’ receiver Derrick Mason was on the injury report for diarrhea. There are some things the medical staffs just need to keep to themselves, and that would be one of them.

(via Fornelli’s Untangled Foul Balls)

Raul Ibanez Hurt Himself Sleeping

Look, it’s baseball, home to the weird injury. But this has to make the list. Right up there with Sammy Sosa’s unusual sneeze, Clint Barmes’ deer meat, and Jay Witasick’s watermelon elbow. Raul Ibanez didn’t play for the third time in four games because of a sleeping injury. Seriously.

It’s certainly not the most glamorous-sounding sports injury in history. Raul Ibanez hurt himself sleeping, and he can’t play because he can’t stand still.

“I never should have played the other day,” Ibanez said. “It’s just been bothering me. It happened on the plane from Detroit (on Thursday), and the next day I really felt it. I just slept the wrong way.”

Sure, am I being a little harsh on the guy? Yeah. Haven’t most of us awakened from traveling with stiff nicks? Yeah. But damn, we’re not all professional athletes here who have a responsibility to our teams. I’m sorry if I’m not too sympathetic for the guy. Get a freakin’ masseuse to rub you down and get out there. What are you waiting for?