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Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Darwin Nominees

Ball State players reportedly arrested for trying to shoplift male enhancement pills

Ball State starting defensive end Jonathan Newsome can’t seem to stay out of trouble, and it turns out he is doing a tremendous job of embarrassing himself along the way. According to The Star Press, Newsome has been suspended for the first two games of the season after he was arrested Monday morning and charged with possession of marijuana during a routine traffic stop. In checking their records, officers found that Newsome’s license plate was expired and that he had an outstanding warrant on a charge of conversion.

Newsome is already due in court on Monday as a result of the conversion charge, which reportedly stemmed from a shoplifting incident that involved fellow teammate Toney Williams. That’s where things get really entertaining, as the Star Press’s Doug Zaleski pointed out:

When you hear that a college athlete gets arrested for possession of marijuana, your initial thought might be “typical college kid.” When you hear that the same athlete got arrested for trying to boost some Viagra — not so much.

On a side note, this has been a week for the record books here at LBS. Never before have we been able to write two posts about separate issues involving male enhancement pills in the same week. How about a round of applause for the sports community?

Thanks to Deadspin for the story

Sam Hurd allegedly tried buying 200 pounds of marijuana, 5 kilos of cocaine while on bail

It’s confirmed: Sam Hurd may be the dumbest athlete in the country. The former Cowboys and Bears wide receiver was busted last year by undercover federal agents for trying to buy absurd amounts of drugs. Now here’s the kicker: while out of jail on bail, Hurd not only tested positive for marijuana twice, but he also tried buying truckloads of drugs. Again. No joke.

According to the Chicago Tribune, Hurd successfully purchased 30 pounds of marijuana while out on bail. He also allegedly tried buying 200 more pounds of marijuana and 5 kilograms of cocaine.

Hurd was arrested for violating his bond and remains in federal custody while awaiting trial on October 9 for drug trafficking charges.

If Hurd’s not the dumbest athlete in the country, he’s up there. I mean that is just asking to be locked up for good. Are you really that addicted to the life that you can’t give it up for a few months while you’re awaiting federal drug trafficking charges? Or do you think that Hurd knew he was going to spend the rest of his life in jail, so he figured why not stick his nose out there for his buddies so they wouldn’t risk getting into trouble?

I really wonder what was going through Hurd’s head when he tried to set up that purchase. Even D.J. Williams thinks he’s an idiot.

H/T Black Sports Online, Pro Football Talk

Kenny Britt ticked at Titans for fining him, expresses frustration via Instagram

Kenny Britt was third in the league in receiving yards per game last season, but he’s leading the league in idiotic behavior.

You may recall that Britt was arrested in April last year for leading police on a car chase in New Jersey. Then he was charged in another incident the day after he pleaded guilty for the April offense. And last month, Britt was arrested for DUI at an army post. The DUI led to a meeting with the NFL that apparently did not go well, and now Britt is finding trouble with his own team.

Britt vented through his Instagram account on Wednesday about a fine he received from the Titans for missing an injury rehab session:


Australian rower Joshua Booth arrested after damaging store front while drunk, but that’s not all

Joshua Booth, a 21-year-old rower who rowed for Australia on Wednesday, was arrested early Thursday morning and held at a police department in Egham after he was reportedly involved in an incident where a store front was damaged. According to the BBC, officers discovered two broken windows at the front of a store in a Surrey town upon arriving at the scene and arrested Booth on suspicion of criminal intent. Shockingly, alcohol was involved.

The Australian men’s eight rowing team finished sixth in Wednesday’s final, so you can understand why Booth may have been upset. Unfortunately, there was more to it than just the broken windows and drunkenness. While at the police station, Booth reportedly fainted and hit his head. He had to be taken to a nearby hospital.

“One of our rowers, Josh Booth, from the men’s eight, has got himself in some trouble,” Australia’s Olympic Commission chef de mission Nick Green said at a press conference on Friday. “He was detained by the police last night for damage to a shop front.

“He was then taken to a police station. He fainted while he was there and hit his head at the police station and was taken to the hospital for precaution. He has to go back to the police station tomorrow where the police will investigate the matter and make some outcomes out of their investigation.”

And that, my friends, is the exact definition of adding insult to injury. Or is it adding injury to insult? Either way, this certainly can’t be the young rower’s proudest moment. Maybe this is why the Olympic athletes stick to crazy amounts of sex and flirting in the pool during practice. At least it keeps them out of trouble.

H/T The Big Lead

SMU’s Uchenna Nwabuike says prostitute whom he never paid robbed his home

Three Southern Methodist University football players were recently the targets of a home burglary, yet they are the ones who could find themselves in trouble. According to CBS 11 News in Dallas, three SMU players returned to their off-campus home on April 28 to find that someone had stolen roughly $3,000 worth of electronics. One of the players, linebacker Uchenna Nwabuike, told police he thinks the person who stole the items was a prostitute.

According to the police report, Nwabuike admitted that he made a deal with the woman to have sex with her in exchange for $50 but that “he did not pay the suspect for the acts that she performed.” He then left her alone in his home and went off to the banquet.

The university claimed they were unaware of the prostitute aspect of the story until they were approached by CBS 11 for comment. Naturally, they will be looking into the incident and Nwabuike could be facing some sort of disciplinary action.

There’s so many things wrong with this situation I don’t even know where to begin. For starters, soliciting a prostitute is a dumb move for a college athlete — let alone one who only charges $50. Something doesn’t sound right about that price. Most importantly, why would you leave a prostitute alone in your apartment after you screwed her (no pun intended) out of $50 bucks that you admit you agreed to give her? It’s not like there was an argument over the price. From the sound of it, he just chose not to pay her and then expected her to be fine with it. Somebody get this man an award.

H/T Dr. Saturday

Tyler Bray caught throwing beer bottles and golf balls at car

Tennessee junior quarterback Tyler Bray was caught in the middle of a “boys behaving badly” act and is now paying for it.

As the Knoxville News Sentinel reports, Bray and his roommate, Michael C. Grandinetti, were caught vandalizing a car in their apartment complex. The two cracked the windshield and dented the top of 22-year-old Bradi Hudson’s car sometime between last Friday night and Saturday morning. Hudson didn’t catch them in the act, but a note on her car’s windshield apparently came from a witness who saw what happened.

21-year-old Kirstie Allen told Hudson that Bray and his roommate threw golf balls and beer bottles at the car from their balcony. On Monday, Allen says the windshield of her car was smashed when she was home to eat lunch. Allen says she was told by an apartment manager that Bray and Grandinetti had been evicted, and she believed the broken windshield was retaliation for her ratting on them.

Bray is not being charged for vandalizing Hudson’s car and will pay for the damages. Unfortunately Allen is unable to file charges because there were no witnesses who saw her windshield smashed. Tennessee also claims that Bray was not evicted. Either way, we know that this kid must be extremely bored and that he is acting like a jerk. The first incident could be ascribed to a drunken episode, but the second incident (if it was done by him) is overboard. And here we were thinking the dude was girly. Guess not.

D.J. Williams allegedly gave non-human urine samples to NFL drug testers

Broncos linebacker D.J. Williams, who is facing a six-game suspension for violating the league’s drug policy, is being accused of attempting to manipulate three NFL drug tests last year by providing the collectors with non-human urine.

Williams has filed court documents because he is challenging his six-game suspension, and the documents only make him look worse.

According to The Denver Post, Williams provided a urine sample last August before the season began. Half the sample was tested for performance-enhancing substances while the other half was tested as part of the “substances of abuse” program. The performance-enhancing drug testers flagged the sample because:

“The specimen does not contain any endogenous steroids. The profile is not consistent with a normal, healthy male urine specimen.”

Since the substance of abuse test doesn’t check for endogenous steroids, which are present in human urine, his alleged “non-human urine” passed the test.

Williams provided a second urine test in September and toxicologists concluded that the sample did not contain human urine either.

Then in November, Williams dropped a bottle while giving his urine sample, according to a specimen collector. He then kicked the dropped bottle into the locker room because collectors aren’t allowed to go in there. He offered some ridiculous excuse for the dropped bottle and claimed he didn’t intentionally kick it into the locker room.

A federal judge isn’t buying Williams’ excuses and said last month that “subsequent incidents demonstrated [Williams’] ‘common scheme or plan’ to manipulate tests.”

I’d say so. Dude gets popped for failing a drug test, then submits another bogus urine sample, and then he’s caught dropping a bottle that likely contained his fake urine in a third test? What a moron.

Honestly, how dumb can you be? And what does this say about the NFL’s drug testing policy if Williams is challenging just a six-game suspension for trying to manipulate three drug tests?

Maybe if Williams just read Tony Mandarich’s guide to passing a urine test he wouldn’t have had this problem.