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Friday, February 15, 2019

Everything Else

Cris Collinsworth Rescued from Floating Restaurant That Broke Loose

I suppose this isn’t the strangest thing I’ve heard on a Saturday morning — maybe. When Jeff Ruby’s Waterfront restaurant broke free and starting drifting down the Ohio River on Friday evening, firefighters were called to rescue 83 patrons who were dining inside the restaurant.  Among the rescued was Sunday Night Football’s Cris Collinsworth.

According to the Associated Press, via Pro Football Talk, the barge-sitting restaurant traveled 85-to-100 feet down the flowing river before getting caught up on a bridge.  A rear line kept tension on the barge until emergency personnel arrived, at which point they proceeded to rescue the patrons one by one using life vests and “precariously perched ladders and ropes.”

We’re happy to hear that Collinsworth — who was reportedly not wearing his cat costume — and the other patrons got out safely. If you ask me, this incident proves that there’s really no need for restaurants to sit on top of an actual river.  The view is just fine from spots along the river bank.  I don’t see the need to challenge mother nature while you’re trying to sit down for a nice meal.  Hey, that’s just me.

Orlando Magic Mascot Stuff Thrown Out of Nets Game

Last time we had a mascot-fan incident, it was the Vanderbilt Commodore popping a fan in the face and giving him a bloody nose (watch the video). We don’t have a video of the latest run-in between a mascot and a fan, but we have insight from a couple of reporters.

Orlando Magic mascot “Stuff” was thrown out of the Prudential Center for scrapping with a fan. Several mascots gathered in New Jersey to celebrate the Nets’ mascot’s birthday but the party didn’t last long. According to Nets reporter Stefan Bondy, a “classless fan allegedly threw beer on Orlando Magic mascot, leading to scuffle at the Rock.” Clippers reporter Lisa Dillman said “Sounded like he was ejected too, escorted down the tunnel by security.”

Dillman also got in the line of the night joking “Frankly, am very curious to read @STUFF_Mascot first’s tweet on the topic. Maybe David Stern has ordered him to not comment.” The quip was quite appropriate given the ongoing quarrel between Magic coach Stan Van Gundy and David Stern. All I know is that this certainly seems to be the season for mascots gone crazy.

Larry Drew Rap Video Shows He’s a Worse Rapper Than Player

Former North Carolina point guard Larry Drew has hit a rough patch in his life. Since he quit the Tar Heels team in February, they went on to eight of nine games and lock down the ACC regular season championship. Then, he decided to spit a rap at his 21st birthday bash — one that may be the worst we’ve heard since Martellus Bennett gave it a go a couple years back.  The only thing worse than making a fool of yourself trying to freestyle is doing so with no beats, no interest from the crowd, and using the “woe is me” card about your sad playing career. He covered all of that, as you can see in the Larry Drew rap video (courtesy of TwitVid user DaveEmoney):

In case you couldn’t make out what he was saying because the crowd was chatting amongst themselves, Sporting News highlighted a couple of the rhymes he laid down.

“Everything that I’m hearing is untrue. The media, they’ll talk, but they’ll never confront you.”

“The past three years, I can’t let loose. I’m not making all of the moves that I want to.”

“They tried to tell me just to play my role, but who’s going to stick to a script that’s got typos?”

Poor form, Larry.  Poor form.  I’m truly sorry you have to share a name with this guy, L.B.

Tom Brady Dancing With Ponytail in Brazil (Video)

So Tom Brady married a supermodel and has become a little feminine – so what?  So he walks his girlfriend’s tiny little purse dog around sometimes when she’s home pregnant – so what?  So the guy endorses Uggs — big deal, so does Mike Ditka. Brady decided to grow his hair out — good for him.  Maybe the three-time Super Bowl champion has a ponytail now and dances like a fairy in Brazil — big…actually, that’s where we draw line.  Check out this video of Tom Brady dancing at Carnival in Rio:

I think an intervention is in store.  This has gone way too far.  The guy has gone off the deep end.  It’s one thing to have long hair.  It’s another to put it in a ponytail.  If your hair is so long that a ponytail is the only way to keep it out of your face, you’re in desperate need of a haircut.  As a Patriots fan and having watched this guy at Super Bowl parades, I know he’s a terrible dancer.  Never has he looked this bad.  Here is some more content we can use to make fun of No. 12, courtesy of Busted Coverage. Look away, Pats fans.


Tom Zbikowski Challenges Chad Ochocinco to a Boxing Match

If Chad Ochocinco truly feels like getting banged out and isn’t just trying to entertain people on Twitter, the offer is on the table. Ravens safety Tom Zbikowski, who has a legitimately deep boxing background, told the Dan Patrick Show on Monday that he would love to box Ochocinco since the Bengals receiver “talks like he can box.” Zbikowski said he’d allow the fight to go about 45 seconds so Ocho knew what a real jab felt like before knocking him out.

Ochocinco is always talking about wanting to box and challenging Anderson “Spider” Silva, and he now has a real chance to make his alleged dream come true. At the moment, Chad is tough-talking like he might accept Zbikowski’s challenge.

“You wana go nite nite, you want to box me, for 1 your feet are to slow and you’ve no hand speed to even be competitive,” Ocho said on his Twitter account Monday afternoon. Something tells me things won’t go as smoothly for Chad as they did when he punched Marvin Lewis. Here is what Zbikowski said on his Facebook account about 15 minutes after Ochocinco’s trash-talking Tweet.


Tim Tebow has a Sweet Golf Swing, of Course – Videos and Pictures

Denver Broncos quarterback and former Florida legend Tim Tebow played in the Honda Classic pro-am in Palm Beach Gardens this week. He was partnered with Jack Nicklaus and looked like an amateur compared to the legend, but for a guy who plays pro football he has a pretty nice swing. I mean you can see how it was possible to hear that Tebow mashed in batting practice last year. Check out this video of Tebow working a practice session as LBS contributor Sam passed along:

Pretty impressive — Tebow can pull off the orange pants look without coming across as John Daly either. Not bad.

Rich Eisen 2011 40-Yard Dash (Video) Sets Personal Record

Rich Eisen has been a good sport since 2005, running the 40-yard dash at the NFL Combine each year and allowing us all to laugh at his expense.  His personal best time of 6.22 seconds was set back in 2005.  It goes without saying that Eisen isn’t getting any younger, so expectations should be lower and lower with each passing year.  Come to find out, Rich showed up determined in 2011.  Check out the Rich Eisen 2011 40-yard dash video, courtesy of YouTube user monmouthfalcon70:

That, folks, is a new personal record of 6.18 seconds.  That time is still slower than the slowest athlete at the Combine, but good for him for setting his own goals and achieving them.  Under six seconds in 2012?  Lock it in.