This series is sponsored by Miller High Life – The Official Beer Of You. Find out how you can get sponsored by Miller High Life
So Miller High Life, the sponsor of this post, is all about the common people. They’re the Official Beer of YOU — the average working man. See, they’re not into flashy folks who like to spend $500 on a bottle of champagne that tastes like something from the $10 rack just because it’s expensive. They’re not down with the athletes that go all third person on us and think their importance is greater than the rest of ours. They’re all about the average man, and they’re looking for suggestions of people to sponsor — so help them out. While I don’t have any suggestions off hand of whom they should sponsor, I can suggest someone who’s High Life contract just went up in pepper spray-fueled flames.
- Legedu Naanee
Linn-Mar High School sophomore wrestler Joel Northrup is facing a major decision. The 103-pound wrestler made the Iowa Class 3A state tournament after posting a record of 33-4 this season. Unfortunately Northrup (pictured) got matched up with a girl in the first round, and he’s considering forfeiting his match.
Cassy Herkelman has made history by becoming the first female to qualify for the state wrestling tournament (another female, Megan Black, also did this year). Herkelman is 20-13 on the season, and The Des Moines Register says Northrup’s possible refusal to wrestle her is based on religious beliefs.
The two were actually scheduled to meet last month, but Northrop was replaced by a teammate who pinned Herkelman. If Northrup misses the tournament match, the best he can do is place third in the state, so the decision is obviously critical.
My man Jay Christensen of The Wiz of Odds who shared the story with LBS says the story has been front page news locally this week. That’s no surprise; this is the typical ethical quandary that people love to argue over. My advice to him would be to wrestle and win. End of story.
UPDATE: Northrup forfeited the match and released the following statement “I have a tremendous amount of respect for Cassy and Megan (Black, the tournament’s other female entrant) and their accomplishments. However, wrestling is a combat sport and it can get violent at times. As a matter of conscience and my faith, I do not believe that it is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most of the high school sports in Iowa.”
Albert Haynesworth has had plenty of football problems since joining the Washington Redskins. He was said to be a lousy fit in their 3-4 defensive scheme early on. He was deactivated for a game for being one minute late to practice. Head coach Mike Shanahan eventually had enough of the $100 million man and suspended him for the remainder of the season. Lately, Albert has been in trouble with the law.
Haynesworth was charged with assault over the weekend for a road rage incident that occurred on Feb. 2. On Monday, sources told WRC-4 in Washington that he was accused of sexual abuse by a waitress working at the W Hotel in Washington. Naturally, Haynesworth’s agent is denying that there is any truth to the allegations.
The report filed by the waitress states that “Subject 1” — whom WRC has reason to believe is Haynesworth — went to pay his bill with a credit card but asked if it was okay to stick the card in the waitress’s blouse near her breast area because her hands were full with glasses. The report says she indicated it was okay, but the accused then starting pushing the card further to the left and touching her inappropriately. Classy, huh?
Assuming this was Haynesworth, it should come as no surprise. This is a guy that has gone out of his way to prove he’s one of the biggest morons in the NFL over the past year or so. If indeed true, this latest piece of information would only add to his infamous legacy.
- Albert Haynesworth
Be honest: when you see a motorist in trouble on the side of the road, what do you do? If you keep on driving without even considering lending a hand, you’re like most people. If you pull over and help a fellow citizen out, you’re more like David Beckham.
A stranded motorist, Paul Long, recently told Just Jared a tale about his being stranded in the middle of a roundabout only to have a generous gentleman pull over and lend a helping hand. Maybe the people of Kansas City should reconsider their feelings?
“Cars were buzzing past and I had two kids in the back but no-one stopped, no-one came to help,” Long told Just Jared. “After 10 minutes I saw a car had pulled over into a lay-by in the distance. Its hazard lights came on. A figure got out, wearing a hoodie. As he got nearer it became apparent to me it was David Beckham,” he added. “He asked if we were OK and I said, ‘Could you give us a push over to the side?’ which he duly did.”
Say what you will about the pretty boy Englishman, but this isn’t a situation where Beckham knew cameras were watching and decided to partake in a charitable act. It was just a case of a multimillionaire showing he’s still down to earth. Give credit where credit is due.
- David Beckham
Recently, OJ Mayo joined the long list of professional athletes who were caught using an illicit performance-enhancing substance and subsequently caught using a bad excuse to explain usage of said substance. Based on the now predictable response of those who have been found guilty, the doping playbook uses a three-step process to react to a positive test. Number one: look surprised. Step two: deny all accountability. Three: if all else fails blame it on an over-the-counter supplement/energy drink or some other poor faceless schlub.
Heart, chemistry, teamwork. These were once the hallmarks of sportsmanship. Now, the only time you hear about heart is when there is an enlarged one from supplementation. The chemistry is supplied by ne’er-do-wells Vince Galea and Victor Conte. And, teamwork only exists when one player is helping another with steroid, er, Vitamin B-12 injections. Baseball has been racked with so many allegations, one would half expect the 2013 Hall of Fame induction class to include cream, clear, and Report, Mitchell to be enshrined. Heck, if you total up the number of home runs hit as a result of the trio, it makes Ruth and Aaron’s power look like that of Rowan and Martin.
What happened to the days where athletes got by on grit, toughness, and, perhaps, a horse tranquilizer or four? Eh, you probably misremembered those days, too. I presume there’s no blood test for gumption, or a urine test for elbow grease. Nowadays, it’s out with the old in with the “-ol.” Heck, even the producers of the chicken at the market go out of their way to say “steroid-free.” (Presumably, these chickens were killed because they could not keep up with the birds that were drugged.)
By now I’m sure you have all seen the video of Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez popcorn at the Super Bowl. While some of us think it just makes him look like even more of a pansy than we already thought he was, others probably don’t think it’s a big deal at all. Come to think of it, I may be as big an A-Rod hater as they come but even I don’t think it was the end of the world. It was just a couple being a couple. Apparently A-Rod disagrees.
On Tuesday, a Fox source told the Chicago Sun-Times that A-Rod threw a nutty when he realized what had been shown to the 111 million viewers watching the Super Bowl. “He really went ballistic — thinking the cameraman was out to get them in a paparazzi-like shot. … That’s so crazy,” the source said. “Anyone who knows anything about producing a live sports event — especially something as huge as the Super Bowl — would know that those celebrity shots are purely random. A-Rod, of all people, should know that.”
The source also said that once A-Rod saw the shot he had to be given a guarantee that it would not be shown again on the television broadcast because he was so upset. If that isn’t a terrific example of someone admitting they looked like a tool bag on national television then I don’t know what is. I know I’m contradicting myself and it’s fun to make fun of athletes for stuff like this, but is it really that big of a deal? Maybe he was afraid all his other girlfriends would be jealous.
- Alex Rodriguez
Something strange happened at the Super Bowl on Sunday night: the halftime show wasn’t the most pathetic moment of the evening. By no means am I saying the Black Eyed Peas were good, but thanks to a certain athlete-celebrity couple it didn’t take long for viewers to want to rip their eyes out. Check out the video of Cameron Diaz feeding A-Rod popcorn:
I think I speak for everyone except delusional Yankee fans when I say nobody wanted to see that. Use your own hands, bro — America already thinks you’re a big enough pansy as it is. Save that crap for your NYC helicopter rides. Thanks to YouTube user mocksessiondotcom for the video.