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Friday, April 19, 2019

Everything Else

2011 Pro Bowl or NHL All-Star Game, I Will Not be Watching Either One

Remember when the All-Star Game meant something? I don’t either. There was a time when something impactful actually happened at these exhibitions, like the 1964 NBA All-Star Game, when the players threatened to not take the floor in the final minutes before tip-off unless a pension plan was hashed out by then-league president Walter Kennedy. Baseball used to be so enamored with its best players that it used to have two all-star games a season. As far as sports history goes, that might as well have been a Wilt Chamberlain’s harem-worth of years ago.

Baseball’s mid-summer classic was once the stuff of legends. Carl Hubbell didn’t need a telescope to strike out Ruth, Gehrig, and Foxx to get himself out of a jam. Pete Rose famously torpedoed Ray Fosse, and they’re trying to convince us that NOW it counts? How about Reggie Jackson’s home-run, the ball yet another entity leaving Detroit in warp-speed fashion. The modern version of baseball’s grand exhibition has given us rosters that coincidentally look plagiarized from the Mitchell Report or the infamous 2002 game, which was apparently played with soccer rules. A year later, MLB decided that the only way to ensure that “this time it counts” was to enable the winning league to garner home-field advantage in the World Series. I wonder if the Giants sent Matt Capps a ring, World Series share, or a Blockbuster gift certificate yet.

The NBA’s all-star bonanza has had its Magic moments (’92), but more or less, the only East versus (Delonte) West moments of any intrigue already occurred during the last offseason. If wearing sunglasses indoors or bling is your thing, then give it a watch. Prediction: East 170 West 168 (or vice versa). (Not shown: defense, interest.)


Chicago Man John Stone Fired for Wearing Green Bay Packers Tie to Work

There’s being a fan and then there’s being a fan.  Losing your job in one of the worst economies in American history because you’re committed to a football team?  Now that’s a real fan — or one of the most stubborn in the U.S. depending on your outlook.

John Stone, a 34-year-old car salesman who had worked at Webb Chevrolet in the Chicago area, was fired on Monday because he showed up for work wearing a Green Bay Packers tie and refused to remove it.  Stone told the Chicago Sun-Times that his boss, Jerry Roberts, told him he had two choices — take the tie off or lose his job.  When Stone chose the latter after five warnings, Roberts told him he was fired.

Wearing the tie may seem harmless to the outside viewer, but Roberts claims it could present serious problems and “make it harder to sell cars in what’s already a competitive environment.”  Roberts also said his dealership has deals with the Bears for advertising and some Chicago players even drive loaners from Webb Chevrolet.


Alfonso Ribeiro Does ‘The Carlton Dance’ At Orlando Magic Game (Video)

The Orlando Magic had a very, very special guest on hand Friday night when they demolished the Raptors.  Dwight Howard and the boys brought their A-game and cruised to a 112-72 victory over Toronto.  If Carlton Banks from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air was watching me play, I’d give it my all too.  Alfonso Ribeiro brought those of us who are in our 20s right back to our childhood when he busted out with The Carlton Dance in the third quarter.  Check out the video, courtesy of The Big Lead:

Does anyone else have Tom Jones stuck in their head after watching this?

Paul the Octopus Memorial Statue Draws Quite the Crowd

Paul the Octopus rose to celebrity prominence during the World Cup when the cephalopod correctly picked the outcome of all seven of Germany’s matches, not to mention the final won by Spain. He developed quite the following for doing something as simple as extending tentacles to grab a mussel, but the poor creature went tormented rock star on everyone and croaked at the height of his popularity. No worries though, the eight-armed German with a wikipedia page longer than Boris Becker’s, was memorialized Thursday at the Sea Life Center where his tank was located. Tell me these antics don’t make you sick:


Sports Uniforms Getting Uglier and Uglier

If only Mr. Blackwell were still alive… He probably would have had a heart attack and died, especially after seeing sports’ current version of the fashion statement. Uniforms. Watching last week’s Oregon-Auburn game, one might have gotten the impression that a box of Crayolas had exploded. Burnt orange and navy blue. Silver and some shade of green you’d be hard-pressed to find at a consignment shop. The amazing thing about Oregon’s duds (with the emphasis on DUD) is that the team wore a different jersey combination for each of their thirteen games this season and, like the sequels to Godfather, each was worse than the one before it. Team gear has become big business these days, as evidenced by the Ducks’ tribute to Diana Ross, with the size of the wardrobe selection they’ve been sporting. Perhaps the school took a page out of George Costanza’s book of dressing based on mood.

The funny thing about uniforms is that “uni” actually means one, according to my Latin language training. (I read Wikipedia). Maybe the word needs updating. Oregon rolled out a baker’s dozen, and seemingly every professional team has not only a home and away jersey, but also a third jersey designed to pry the money out of fervent fans who want to look like the human balance beam, Timofey Mozgov (namely a guy wearing a basketball jersey). There is also a relatively new phenomenon known as the throw-back which, in some cases, is code for throw-away. Anyone who has seen the Denver Broncos wearing their inaugural AFL uniforms can attest that these beauties were probably more enjoyable, say, in the era of black-and-white television screens.


Brett Favre ‘What Should I Do?’ Video Spoof is Just Phenomenal

For whatever reason, Brett Favre spoofs just seem to come naturally to people.  There are spoofs about athletes all the time, and many of them try too hard and just aren’t funny at all.  Between the newest Favre parody and the one SNL did a few months back, people have been nailing it left and right.  We’ve had Michael Jordan’s serious response to the LeBron James “What should I do?” commercial, and now we have a piece of solid gold that continues to remind people how much of a douche the Ole Gunslinger is.  Check out the Brett Favre ‘What should I do?” video, courtesy of YouTube user Tyacenda:

It can’t possibly get any better than that.  Perfect.

Oakland Raiders Fan Face Tattoo: Commitment to Ugliness

It seems to be somewhat of a tattoo week here at LBS, but most of it can be attributed to Jimmy Traina’s Hot Clicks. Things started when we posted this ridiculous tattoo the loser of a fantasy football league had to get. Then through Hot Clicks we were exposed to the San Diego Padres fan who inked friar tuck all over his noggen. But the worst of all was this Raiders fan to whom I was introduced on Wednesday:

So Raiders fans are so hard they can tattoo their entire mugs, but they can’t afford tickets to the game? Maybe if he saved the cash from the eye black tattoo he could have managed a few ducats. Oh wait, forgot tattoos only cost a few packs of smokes in jail. Honestly though, Al Davis should consider something similar. It has to be better than what he’s got going on now.