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#pounditSunday, January 16, 2022

Articles tagged: Greg Oden

Seth Meyers Goes Long on Greg Oden’s Schlong

Seth Meyers nailed it as the host of the 2010 ESPY’s. His opening monologue started off slowly but really picked up steam as he went along. The instant reaction from most twitter users was that Meyers killed it as host. Although he had some great lines such as his one about the Kardashian sisters, there was one that didn’t go over quite as well, probably because most people didn’t get it. The joke was about Greg Oden’s penis, which spread across the internet after some girl turned Oden in for sexting. Meyers mentioned the joke in the context of the John Isner/Nicolas Mahut 11-hour tennis match:

That match was so long that the ballboys became ballmen. That match was so long Greg Oden took a picture of it and sent it to his girlfriend … You may not care for that joke but all the proceeds from it went to the Boys and Girls Club of America. That match was so long that the only guys who ever spent more time on grass together were Cheech and Chong.

Meyers picked things back up after hearing crickets initially, getting in a shot at LeBron whose “Decision” show was billed as helping charity. One has to wonder if Meyers’ Oden penis joke would have made it onto TV had the show been edited like usual. Even if that’s the risk of airing the show live, I hope ESPN continues to air the ESPY’s live on Wednesday rather than on tape Sunday; it gives us sports fans something fun to look forward to during the All-Star break.

Greg Oden’s Lawyers Threaten over Naked Pictures of Oden’s Penis

Wow, just when you thought you’d seen it all, pictures of Greg Oden’s dong hit the web. This isn’t exactly something we have been blessed to receive, but nonetheless they have emerged. World Star Hip Hop has posted a video that shows three stills of Greg Oden taking a picture of himself on a cameraphone. My guess is Oden was trying to entice some lady who realized she could make some nice cash by selling the pics to the right website. The first pic clearly shows it’s Oden standing in a bathroom, and the next two pictures are of Oden letting his flag fly. Take your plunge into holy penis-ness if you’re so inclined by following this link to World Star Hip Hop. And in case you were wondering, Deadspin has posted a letter from BDA Sports’ legal department, Oden’s management group. It pretty much confirms that the donger in question belongs to one Gregory Oden.

Voodoo Doll Strikes Greg Oden Again

Poor Greg Oden. I don’t know how you can say anything else. The guy battled through a thumb injury his first and only year at Ohio State, then he missed his first season because of knee surgery, he got hurt on opening night last year and then missed another month later in the season. And now, after only 20 games of the season, Greg Oden got hurt once again and is likely out for the year. Here’s the play that sidelined Greg, aka the Greg Oden injury video:

Hate to say I told you so, but now I have to say I told you so: over two and a half years ago, I wrote that if I were the Blazers, I would have taken Kevin Durant with the top overall pick. I said then that Durant was the special player who could be a 30 and 10 guy in the league. Now he’s in his third year and he’s averaging 28ppg and 7rpg. While it sucks that Oden is done for the year, there is some upside; the colorful personality will have more time for karaoke videos, filming commercials, and updating his Yardbarker blog. Furthermore, don’t feel badly for the Blazers; this might actually help their offense run smoother and put Brandon Roy at ease. We shall see how they respond. And memo to Greg: maybe you should think about wearing knee pads from now on to protect yourself, just a thought.

UPDATE: This was written immediately when the injury occurred. I thought the broken knee cap was due to contact with Brooks, not because of his explosion. Obviously the knee pad wouldn’t matter now but for players who bump knees, it would be helpful.

Greg Oden Sings ‘N Sync in Karaoke, Should Stick to Basketball

Realize here that we’re talking about my favorite pitchman before you read too much into me making fun of Greg Oden for the way he sings karaoke. Anyway, the 7-foot big man did a rendition of ‘N Sync’s It’s Gonna Be Me song (it was hard to tell what song it was from the way Oden was singing) at what looks like some sort of fan event. By popular reader demand via Hard for the Yard, I present Greg Oden singing karaoke:

That dude certainly is a chameleon. At one moment he’s a dominating NBA center, next moment he’s a boy bander. You know, I really can’t rag on Oden because I’m an awful singer, and you can’t rip a guy for being as into it as he was. Did you see that passion? That determination? The best was when he started slipping and sliding around, busting out the dance moves. Besides, anything’s better than the Tony Romo karaoke video. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — I wasn’t much of a fan of Greg Oden in college, but now that I’ve seen his personality come out, it’s impossible not to like him. I’m hoping he has a monster season.

Greg Oden Is a Heck of a Pitchman

Since he’s out for the season with knee surgery, he sure has a lot of time on his hands and ESPN the Magazine decided to wrangle the budding star for a commercial shoot promoting his appearance on the magazine’s cover recently. Though the commercial has been around for a while, it’s cracked me up to the point where I decided I had to post it — much like the Chris Bosh spot. Enjoy the subtle humor of one Greg Oden:

I love that guy. He may look like he fought in World War II, but Greg Oden is one funny ass young dude. He has such a warm personality and is definitely a guy I’ll be rooting for when he gets healthy. Here’s to a speedy recovery because that big man can sell.

UPDATE: Yet another reason to love Mr. Oden via SPORTSbyBROOKS

Greg Oden’s Tonsils Might Keep him out of the Summer League

Just in case his stories from World War II had you doubting, the news that Greg Oden has tonsil problems might be enough to remind you that he really is a kid. In fact, he might need to have his tonsils removed, but he must check with his mom first. From Jason Quick at The Oregonian:

A final decision has not been made – Oden said he wanted to consult his mother first – but it appears likely that Oden will fly to Portland late this week for surgery after he finishes presenting an award Wednesday in a taping of the ESPYs in Los Angeles. Recovery for adults who undergo a tonsillectomy is two weeks.

On Monday, I asked Oden to show me his tonsils, and he obliged. I was so startled, I asked him to show me again. His tonsils are so swollen that only a small passage way – about the size of a green grape – was evident.

“I can’t even tell you … it just hurts,” Oden said “Right now, it’s more of a thing that they are so big, that when I’m running up and down the court, it’s hard for me to breathe. I can’t get any air in there.”

So to answer your life-burning question, yes, large people do have large tonsils. Someone get this poor kid an ice cream cone!

What Are Greg Oden and Mike Conley Sr. Hiding?

First the story comes out on Friday evening that the father of Ohio St. center, Greg Oden, says his son will enter the NBA draft. And become one of the top two picks. And go on to make millions of dollars. And go on to make All-Star games and win championships. And eventually be enshrined in the Hall of Fame. OK, so I’m getting ahead of myself, but you can’t deny that most fans and experts aren’t thinking that, right? So why does the story now come out that Mike Conley Sr., who will represent Oden, says Greg won’t declare his draft plans just yet.

Ohhhh, I see. Conley Sr. was upset that Papa Oden had leaked the news. How dare him get the story everyone knows the answer to out there before Conley Sr. was ready to announce it! Like it’s going to be some sort of big shock. But if the news were leaked wouldn’t it have ruined the spotlight for the nationally telecast of Oden’s announcement?

It’s also been suggested to me by my Dad that the Oden camp could be taking extra special care into negotiating and investigating. For instance, if they get the sense that most of the teams that could wind up picking first would take Kevin Durant, maybe it would be reason for Greg to return to school.

While that certainly makes sense, I really can’t see Greg Oden going back to Ohio St. for another full year of classes and games just because he might be the second overall pick. How would that be for irony! A guy who would’ve been the first overall pick coming out of high school winds up staying not one, but TWO years in college?! That’s insane.