Larry Brown Sports

With all the schadenfreude regarding Jay Mariotti’s arrest last month, it’s only fair that we update the case involving the screaming head. The blabbermouth pleaded no contest to one count of misdemeanor domestic violence in exchange for the court dismissing the remaining six misdemeanor counts that included four domestic violence related counts, grand theft and false imprisonment.

Unfortunately, the jackass that is Mariotti will avoid jail and drop the soap time. Instead, he’s on three years probation and required to perform 40 days of community labor. He must also complete a 52-week domestic violence course and stay away from the woman with whom he was involved. In addition to the domestic violence charges, the courts should also examine the sanity of the woman who actually dated Jay (just a matter of opinion).

When Mariotti posted bail less than 24 hours after his arrest, we said he wasn’t locked up long enough. I must admit that the sports world is a much more pleasant place without him around. It’s also comforting to know that ESPN has no plans to use him in the future. That’s enough incentive for me to potentially lend Around the Horn an eyeball, as tough as that show is to endure.

If August is the month for rookie hazing in the NFL, then September is the time for rookies to get it in baseball. First it was the Twins dressing up their rookies in cartoon and Sacha Baron Cohen costumes, and then it was Logan Morrison in a hideous outfit. While that’s nothing compared to getting awful looking haircuts, it’s probably better than walking around the Bay Area in speedos and swim caps, as the Diamondbacks rookies had to do. Thanks to AZ Snake Pit for the tip:

On second thought, it’s not too different from Bay to Breakers. They probably did blend in around the area.

Photo Credits: AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez

Duke University students and officials have found themselves under an assault of media attention for the wrong reason once again — kind of.  At the moment, it doesn’t appear any of the Blue Devils that were listed in Karen Owen’s phony senior thesis, which outlines sexual encounters she had over her college career with Duke student athletes, actually did anything wrong.

Yes, you read that correctly.  A young woman from Duke University actually chronicled — in detail — sexual experiences she had with 13 different student athletes.  In the full thesis, which can be read at Deadspin in its entirety with the “subjects” names, Owen gives each partner a raw score out of 10 based on various grading criteria such as the size of their hardware, how attractive they are, how aggressive they were, how creative they were, how entertaining they were, and their athletic ability.

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After seeing some of the plays fans have made on foul balls throughout this year’s MLB season, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some people out there who can make the play as routinely as Ichiro would.  First, a guy somehow catches a foul ball in his beer cup and then pounds the beer like a champ.  Then, some other guy manages to snag a foul ball while he’s casually walking back from the concession stand with his hands full.  Now, we’ve got a guy doing it with an infant in his arm?  Check out the video of a fan catching a foul ball while holding a baby:

Derek Jeter may be able to track down a foul ball, but I’m not sure he could do it with these types of distractions going on.  Keep them coming, fellas.  I’m a bored Red Sox fan who desperately needs this.

The Boston Celtics have some big personalities on their roster this year.  The addition of Shaquille O’Neal has really put them over the top, whether you appreciate his antics or not.  It remains to be seen if the egos of these veterans will translate into a winning team.  One thing’s for sure: their antics — whether positive or negative — are going to be solid gold for the media.

It looks like Nate Robinson is really starting to come into his own with the team, specifically with regard to Shaq.  We all remember the Shrek and Donkey duo of Robinson and Glen Davis that emerged during the 2010 postseason.  Robinson already seems to share a similar dynamic with Shaq, as he’s been treating him like an older brother that he has no choice but to annoy.  That’s certainly evident in the picture of Nate feeding Shaq a cookie while The Big Shamrock was asleep.  Check out the video of Nate Robinson dunking on Shaq during practice:

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It’s been an excellent start to the season for Doc Brown. After starting up the picks week two, the Doc has posted a pair of 10-6 records against the spread. Even better, the Doc is now 5-1 on his top three picks of the week. Picking straight up for some reason has been more of a challenge as the Doc is just 16-16. Go figure. Arch rival Del has posted a solid 19-13 straight up, so the Doc has a lot of catching up to do. Check back on Friday for Del’s picks.

As for the Doc’s picks, I really like the Patriots on Monday Night Football. Their secondary has problems but the coaches will address them this week. I think they can outscore Miami any day and will do so. Obviously I believe the Chargers are going to blow out the Cardinals. Arizona has not shown me anything this year, and as long as they’re not allowing two kickoffs for touchdowns I think SD will be blowout city. And even though I’m not confident they’ll win, I think Donovan McNabb will play well in his return to Philly. The five and a half points seems like a gift to me.

Other picks of note: I think the Browns get their first win of the year against Cincy and I believe the Giants will bounce back on Sunday night. The Jags usually play Indy very well, and I guess I’m an idiot for picking them again at home. If they can’t play within a touchdown of the Colts at home, then they’re absolutely hopeless.

Wide receiver Brandon Marshall dominated the Sunday night game for the Dolphins against the Jets. A sweet run after catch set Miami up with a first down at the 11 down by eight. Marshall had 10 catches for 166 yards at that point, but he did not contribute any catches after that and the team lost 31-23.

I was incredulous watching the final minute unfold, upset that the Dolphins didn’t go to Marshall on their final plays. They had him isolated on the right side on first down, but Chad Henne completely overthrew him on what appeared to be a fade pattern. Henne appeared to look towards Marshall on second down, but he decided not to throw to Brandon on any of the next three plays.

The analysis done on NFL Network’s Playbook show suggests Marshall tired out at the end of the game and did not give a good effort to get open in the team’s final four plays. I saw the segment (watch it at nfl.com) and partially agree with what they said, but it seems like they were going overboard with the criticism.

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The NFL released its Player of the Month of September awards on Thursday. The winners from the AFC were Texans running back Arian Foster on offense, Colts defensive end Robert Mathis on defense, and Bengals kicker Mike Nugent on special teams. The NFC winners were Eagles quarterback Michael Vick on offense, Packers linebacker Clay Matthews on defense, and Saints kick returner Courtney Roby on special teams. It may be easy to see now, but if you think back a year or two ago, you’ll realize how improbable it is that Vick and Foster are the offensive players of the month for September in the NFL.

Arian Foster ran for a franchise record 231 yards in Houston’s season-opening win over the Colts. In addition to the impressive opener, Foster leads the NFL with 502 yards from scrimmage and it helped him become the second Houston player in franchise history to win the award.

What makes his story so improbable is that he was just an undrafted player out of Tennessee last year. Foster split carries with several backs for the Vols in 2008, including Montario Hardesty. He ran just a 4.7 40 yard dash and wound up undrafted, though some teams expressed interest. The Texans signed him to a two-year deal, placed him on their practice squad, then added him on the roster late in the year. Foster ended up with 54 carries last year, scoring three touchdowns. This year, he won the starting job and has dominated since week one.

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