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Nomar Garciaparra drops incredibly underrated ‘Dumb and Dumber’ joke (Video)

Nomar Garciaparra went there. Things got so out of hand during the Red Sox-Yankees game on Wednesday night that Nomar felt a “Dumb and Dumber” joke was appropriate. After a number of players left the game for various reasons — including Dustin Pedroia whose wife presumably went into labor — the broadcast team began listing off all the reasons big names were either run from the game or had to leave for personal reasons. Nomar saw this as a perfect opportunity to toss in the “pets heads are falling off” line from the beginning of “Dumb and Dumber,” and as expected, it flew over the heads of his colleagues.

Don’t worry, Nomar — the blog world has your back. He probably felt awkward since his line was so poorly received, but that’s what we’re here for. Brilliant work should never go unnoticed.

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Nomar Garciaparra Thinks the Humidor is Illegal, Colorado Shouldn’t Have a Team

During the Phillies-Rockies game Wednesday night in Philadelphia, the broadcasting crew got into a debate about Todd Helton’s Hall of Fame credentials. Play-by-play man Dave O’Brien said that many people feel Helton playing at Coors Field will hurt his case because the altitude in Denver resulted in astronomical offensive numbers. Analyst and former All-Star Nomar Garciaparra disagreed, going off on a rant where he said the humidor should be illegal.

“It’s not his fault that’s the way it is there at Coors Field or let alone balls put in a humidor which I think is illegal,” Garciaparra argued. “You don’t adjust the equipment because of the ballpark. If there’s an issue with the ballpark, you shouldn’t have a ballpark there. If you’re going to have to adjust, if you’re going to determine guys’ value whether they’re worth the Hall of Fame because it happens to be in a place where there’s altitude, then you’re going to have to make adjustments to all the ballparks. ‘Well it doesn’t count because Fenway’s wall is so much closer than somewhere else.’ Right field at Yankee Stadium, maybe we’ll use balls that don’t count when they fly out that far, we’ll use a humidor there. You’re going to have start making adjustments, so this shouldn’t happen just because of the surroundings of a ballpark.”

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Nomar Garciappara Appears Nervous About 2003 Steroids List

The A’s were in Boston to finish up their series with the Red Sox Thursday when the David Ortiz/Manny Ramirez report emerged. Naturally NESN went over to the Oakland clubhouse after the game to get the thoughts of Nomar Garciaparra who was a teammate of both Manny and Papi in Boston during the 2003 season. And let me tell you something, Nomar was nervous, uncomfortable, fidgety, and overall looking guilty when discussing the ’03 testing list. Check out the video:

In case you can’t watch the video, Nomar says the list was a joke and that since it was supposed to be sealed by the grand jury that it would be viewed as inadmissible evidence in the courts. He said guys who wanted testing didn’t take the test on purpose so that the percentage of positive tests would go up. He was questioning the legitmacy of the list, stressed it was supposed to be anonymous, and he overall seemed to be defending himself as if he were one of the guilty parties on the list. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to find out if he were. How else do you tear a muscle completing off the bone?

Nomar Back to DL … Sun Still Rises

Like Tom Glavine to Atlanta, Jim Carey to comedy, the Prodigal Son to Jesus, and Amy Whinehouse to jail, Nomar Garciaparra has returned to a place that loves him so much, a place where he belongs, a place that welcomes him with open arms: the DL. The walking injury hurt himself yet again this season, straining a calf on Friday night. Worst part was the Dodgers had just sent Blake DeWitt down to Triple-A to carry 12 pitchers on the roster since Nomar had just been activated from the DL (he was out with a wrist injury sustained in Spring Training to start the year). So when Nomar went out with his aching calf muscle, Russell Martin was forced to play third base (the position he played when he was originally drafted), allowing Dodger fans to find out who their backup catcher was (apparently some dude named Gary Bennett).

Luckily the Dodgers went on to win the game, and they’ve re-called DeWitt in the meantime. But what to do about Nomar? At this point he’s almost useless; he’s been on the DL now 11 effing times in his 13 year career. He’s probably closer with the training staff than he is with his wife and kids. You can’t even say “poor Nomar” anymore. Dude just needs to figure out a way to stay on the field and effing produce. That’s enough. He’s getting paid handsomely by the team and he has them by the balls because they can’t go out cutting their most popular player. He needs to get his ass on the field and freaking hit so that it’s a win-win for both sides.

Oh yeah, and if you don’t get all the frustration and disappointment surrounding Nomar, go back and take a look at his ’99 and ’00 seasons — only two of the best years by a middle infielder in the modern era. Anyone who produced like that but now can’t do any better than OPS .700 is a major drag. He needs to get his act together, finish like a freaking champ, and then retire so we don’t have to be reminded constantly about “what could have been.”