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Clemens Beyond the Point of No Return

It’s been so long since Roger Clemens testified in front of Congress that I forgot about half the shenanigans that went down (except the now infamous “misremembers part”). Initially Clemens showed his feelings on the matter, saying he wouldn’t call PED users “cheaters.” In a pathetic effort to save himself, Clemens dragged his wife’s name through the mud and said Andy Pettitte had things mistaken.

Now Clemens doesn’t have much of a defense. Public opinion and Congressional opinion is now speaking and Clemens will have to face trial on charges of perjury obstruction of justice. Even though we all well know and believe that he was juicing since his Toronto days, he’s still maintaining steadfastly that he is innocent. Clemens is taking his lies so far that he is willing to go to jail for them. Here’s what he tweeted late Thursday:

I never took HGH or Steroids. And I did not lie to Congress. I look forward to challenging the Governments accusations, and hope people will keep an open mind until trial. I appreciate all the support I have been getting. I am happy to finally have my day in court.

Happy to have my day in court? Damn Roger, they will eat you alive and make you misremember even more. I can’t believe he’s so willing to enter the torture chamber. George Costanza wouldn’t even go this far.

Sources:
Roger Clemens on Twitter

Roger Clemens and Alex Rodriguez Formed the Yankees’ Man Boobs Tandem

So we had the story that Alex Rodriguez has been using roids since high school. A-Rod was also suspected of steroid use while he was a member of the Yankees (no surprise to me). Corroborating that story was Alex’s reputation for having “bitch tits” or “man boobs” caused by the anabolic steroids. Well apparently A-Rod wasn’t the only Yankee with a moob problem:

According to “American Icon,” a book by the Daily News sports investigative team that will be released on May 12, Roger Clemens also sprouted breasts as a result of anabolic steroid use.

“The medical term was gynecomastia, but around the clubhouse they called them “b—- t—” or “man boobs” – and heaven help the player who sprouted them in the middle of his career and then took his shirt off in the locker room,” the Daily News reporters wrote in “American Icon.”

I think my whole excuse for this post is to show the A-Rod on David Letterman video which is where Jose Canseco says you really see them. OK, so here it is:

Yup, I definitely saw it there. Now we know where the nickname comes from.

Roger Clemens Appearing at a Minor League Park Near You

We haven’t heard much from Mr. Mis-Remember since his fated day in front of the investigation committee. Now it looks like Roger Clemens is slowly coming out of his cage, showing up at a minor league game over the weekend between Worcester and Ottawa (Worcester’s manager was a teammate of Clemens on the Red Sox).

Followed by an entourage of police officers, Clemens walked from the dugout to the Tornadoes’ bullpen midway through the fourth inning. Before leaving the field, he signed autographs for team employees but not fans. He was also introduced by the public address announcer and waved to the crowd of 3,153, who responded with a chorus of cheers and boos.

A chorus of cheers and boos? That’s a strange mix. Obviously there are still many people in the public that think Clemens is nothing but a cheat. But Clemens was also in the New England area — a place where he first made his name and became a Red Sox legend. And what’s up with being picky over the autographs, Roger? Maybe he has to be conservative with them since he’s apparently hard up for cash these days.

Athletes, Clemens, Now Popping Viagra?

There is something I never will be an expert on: the world of performance enhancing drugs. Just not my thing. As of now, Viagra isn’t an illegal drug according to MLB — what do they care what dudes are doing to enhance their peckers? But it looks like they might develop some interest in investigating Viagra. Why you ask? Sources tell the NY Daily News that Roger Clemens, still denying his use of PEDs, was pumping the V-pill, and not just to impress 15-year-olds. Even Victor Conte said that all his athletes at BALCO were slamming the pickle juice. Why would they do such a thing you ask?

[Conte said] “It’s bigger than creatine. It’s the biggest product in nutritional supplements.”

Among the off-label uses for Viagra, which first went on the market in 1998, it:

* Helps build endurance, especially for athletes who compete at high altitudes
* Delivers oxygen, nutrients and performance-enhancing drugs to muscles more efficiently
* Counteracts the impotence that can be a side-effect of testosterone injections

Oh, and some athletes actually do use it to grease their Louisville Slugger. But there are some guys actually don’t like the stuff. As Bonds’ mistress Kimberly Bell said, Baroid didn’t like it because it messed with his vision and stuffed his nose up. Man, this stuff is way beyond me. Whatever just happened to having a bowl of pasta for some extra energy before a game, or some secret Wade Boggs chicken? Viagra? Are you serious?

Media’s Out to Defame Roger Clemens

Gosh, this guy is such a weez. Deny, deny, deny. Then he throws his wife under the bus for taking HGH, says Andy misremembers everything, and now he’s denying all the affairs he had. What a freaking joke. He’s got an entire family, wife and kids, and he was screwing around. Three people have come forward and said they were involved with Roger. The 15-year-old even said the whole thing was true. But yet Roger’s still standing there, denying it all. What a skeeze.

”Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right.”

”Now, I have been accused of having an improper relationship with a fifteen-year-old girl. Nothing could be further from the truth. This relationship has been twisted and distorted far beyond reality. It is just one of many, many accusations that are utterly false.”

Roger, in case you’ve never heard of the law of diminishing returns, let me refresh your memory. At some point you will reach a time when defending yourself no longer carries any weight. What you say no longer matters, and nobody will listen or believe you. Unfortunately my friend, we have hit that point. It can’t be any more clear that you’re a scumbag. Defending yourself is useless; nobody cares what you have to say. Maybe go back to 15-year-olds — they don’t know any better.

Roger Clemens and a 15-Year-Old?

OK, this is just entirely too creepy. The New York Daily News (of course) has a story suggesting that Roger Clemens had a 10-year relationship with country singer Mindy McCready that began when she was 15-years-old. Dude, Rocket, I was a sucker for Hayden Panettiere for a while there, but damn, at least she was like 17 or something. 15 though? That’s like Jesus from Lebowski style right there. There’s no way to be certain about the story, but the Daily News apparently has several sources confirming the romance.

One other aspect to this story, besides the obvious disgusting nature of a grown man getting down with a 15-year-old, is that it could sully Clemens’ argument that he is a solid character, family man. You know he’s trying to sue McNamee for defamation or something, and when it comes to he-said/she-said stuff, this could hurt his image and character. Some of the reports here are just simply weird. Clemens’ wife Debbie says she was aware of the relationship, as Roger says it was strictly a family friends thing. But I ask you: what kind of grown man has a family friend relationship with a young, good-looking teenage woman trying to become a famous singer? Not too many that I know of. This is exactly why agents partition “discretionary accounts” for their clients — so there are no traces of the money going to these side broads.

UPDATE:
Per Spin in the comments, McCready admits it’s all true.

Roger Clemens’ Attorney Now Hedging, Maybe He Was at Canseco’s Party

Ahah! Maybe a serious breakthrough in the Roger Clemens/Brian McNamee he-said/she-said ordeal. Friday it came out in the NY Daily News that some kid had photo evidence that Roger Clemens was indeed at a Jose Canseco party in 1998. That would be significant because McNamee testified that Clemens first became interested in steroids in 1998 when he talked with Canseco about ‘em at a party. Additionally, Clemens swore under oath that he was not at the Jose Canseco party. Now the latest report from the NY Daily News is that Clemens’ attorney Rusty Hardin is hedging on his original stance because of the photo. Hardin’s backtracking represents a major turning point in the case.

If you remember a few weeks ago, I pointed out that Rusty Hardin said in a news conference that this was the “second coming of the Duke Lacrosse case,” and that many of us who said Roger was a user would have to eat our words. That was the first time I was worried about jumping to the conclusion that Clemens was lying. Hardin was so forceful and persuasive in his speech that I really had no choice but to reconsider my stance. Well now after reading Hardin say “Roger was playing golf at the time of the party, and has stated that he may have stopped by the Canseco house after playing golf before heading to the ballpark for the game,” I have no choice but to think these guys are full of it. How could Clemens say he wasn’t at that party, but Hardin is now reading statements saying “hey, there’s always the possibility the guy was there.” What the heck is that? Either Roger is lying to his legal staff, or the legal staff knew Roger was lying the whole time. Point McNamee.