Quantcast

Tank Johnson: Tim Tebow is Like a Buffalo Wild Wings Commercial

Send it into overtime! You know those Buffalo Wild Wings commercial where they find ways to keep the game going just so they can stay and drink beer and party?  Tank Johnson has the perfect comparison for the real-life version of those quick 30-second clips.  Why didn’t we think of this before?

Johnson isn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the draw, but that’s a pretty good comparison.  Tebow is 7-1 this season as the Broncos starter.  Three of those wins have come in overtime and only one was by more than a touchdown.  Just when it appears the game is about to be over, Tebow has a way of keeping things alive.  He truly is the real-life Buffalo Wild Wing commercial.

Thanks to NFL.com for sharing the tweet.

Bengals Sign Tank Johnson … of Course

If you’re a badboy and have been cast off by the Dallas Cowboys (of all teams), where in the world would you go? Perhaps you’d turn to the Raiders, but even they haven’t been holding true to their reputation lately. So if arrests are your thing yet you have some talent, you know you’ll always have a home with the Cincinnati Bengals. They of course did the logical thing, signing defensive lineman Tank Johnson on Tuesday. Tank was suspended eight games in the ’07 season when he was caught with half the Iraqi military’s arsenal stashed in his home. It was that arrest that required him to have the court’s permission to play in the Super Bowl for the Bears. Tank was supposed to be let off his punishment after six games but his Man of the Year campaign didn’t quite go as planned, so the Bears released him.

Naturally Tank was picked up by the Cowboys despite his personal conduct violation issues and the eight-game suspension. After a few non-productive seasons in Dallas, the Tank was let go. The Bengals, feeling a need to recharge their bad-boy image, signed him. Just in case you thought the Bengals had lost their touch, they still have Fresno St. delinquent Jason Shirley on their squad. They also made sure to re-sign Cedric “the drunken boater” Benson. And of course they reinstated Chris Henry after his suspensions. Now I’m wondering when Odell Thurman will be brought back. Maybe Tanks can crack the Bengals’ top 10 arrests lists.

Tank Johnson’s Man of the Year Campaign Going Strong

Remember when Tank met with Commissioner Goodell to be punished for all his misbehavior during the NFL season? Johnson ended up being suspended for eight games, with the possibility of the sentence being cut to six games for good behavior. Prior to the meeting with Goodell, Johnson announced his intentions of turning his life around, proclaiming he wanted to be named the NFL’s Man of the Year. As commenter JS points out to me, Tank Johnson got his campaign off on the right start:

Gilbert, Ariz., police pulled Johnson over at 3:30 a.m. Friday and cited him for “being impaired to the slightest degree,” according to Sgt. Andrew Duncan, a police spokesman. Police initially stopped Johnson for going 40 m.p.h. in a 25 m.p.h. zone when the officer on the scene “made observations that led him to believe Johnson was impaired,” according to Duncan.

Johnson was taken to the Gilbert Police station where blood was drawn to determine his blood-alcohol content. Results of those tests aren’t expected for up to two weeks, Duncan said. In Arizona, the legal limit for being under the influence is having a blood-alcohol content of .08.

Why do I have to say this comes as no shock to me? I pity the fool who was duped by Tank’s sincere speech. Let’s hope for his sake his test doesn’t come out higher than .08. Or that he pays off the proper person at the least.

Tank Johnson is Free

So it’s about a day until the Bears and Colts embark for Miami to enjoy the media hump fest that is the week of the Super Bowl.  I’m not sure whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing, but Bears DT Tank Johnson will be taking time out from his busy schedule of brandishing guns, sharpening knives, and rolling blunts, to make the trip

For a guy with a rap sheet longer than Mike McKenzie’s hair, you have to wonder how he’s allowed to play in the game.  Think about it, Tank has been arrested 3 times in the past 18 months (which I guess is tame in comparison to Chris Henry).  His charges include a scuffle with a police officer, a misdemeanor weapons charge, and most recently, 10 counts of possession of firearms without proper ID.

That being the case, how the heck was he let off?  Why is he allowed to go to Miami on vacation while awaiting trial for some serious offenses? 

Why don’t we turn to Assistant State’s Attorney Rick Cenar for some answers.  According to Cenar, Tank is allowed to go play because the trip is “work-related.” Additionally, Cenar noted,

“Quite frankly we treated the defendant Mr. Johnson like any other defendant.” 

Right, he was treated like any other defendant.  Just check out the pictures below and you’ll understand that the treatment by the law enforcement officials in Illinois wasn’t at all preferential.

See officer (presumed Bears fan) congratulate Tank

See officer pat Tank on back and wish him well in Super Bowl

Uh huh, that’s what I thought.