Many years ago — actually it might have been last week — I was given a piece of sage advice from my parents: Two issues you never bring up in the company of strangers are religion and politics. Seeing as how I have never really been big on creeds or listening to my folks, for that matter, and that I’ve already discussed the former, it’s only naturally that I now write a missive on the latter.
For what it’s worth, I’m not officially announcing my candidacy for public office. Really, though, the only thing that qualifies me for the office of President is the fact that I was born in the US, and even then it’s a stretch. Furthermore, I don’t think any political strategist who attempted to dig up my past would probably be traumatized by what they would find let alone trying to use it against me — tax sheltering and open marriages would be the least of my problems. Which reminds me, I should probably find and destroy that video of me singing Milli Vanilli songs into a shampoo bottle before it’s too late.
Nah, I’m about as cut out to run for President as the boar hog Pigasus that was nominated as a candidate in 1968. Would this now be a bad time to make a joke about pork barrel legislation? (Yeah, too soon.) Certainly, Pigasus would not have been the first candidate to ham it up before a national audience. As entertaining as it may seem to write poorly-conceived puns about swine, I run the risk of getting censured by my Jewish family if I continue without getting to the point.
One thing, though, that I’ve always found an interesting phenomenon about sports and teams that are triumphant on the grandest stage of competition is the reward for reaching the pinnacle. Sure, millions of dollars, adoration from a worldwide fan base, and something called ‘bling’ all have their place. (This is unverified by me since I’ve calculated that anything less than combining one-thousand lifetimes will be deficient in allowing me to experience this.) But, chief among the spoils of victory is getting to meet the President of the United States.