Ah, yes, it’s that time of year. The leaves have long ago begun to change color. Winter is not too far away. And the American viewing public is knee-deep in promotional ads for FOX television shows that are destined to be canceled before the next full moon. Yep, the World Series is here again. Even though this article comes fairly late — thanks to Mike Scioscia and others who demanded that baseball’s showcase not be in sync with the scheduling of my weekly writing for this website — it gives yours truly a chance to opine on the spectacle that is slowly losing its ground in the ratings race to a reality show about pawned rubbish.
The name of the event itself has been a source of consternation for folks from here to Missouri (or Mizz-er-a, depending on what part of this great nation you hail). In fact, the term “World Champion,” an oft-used moniker in sports, is highly suspect. Sure, one could say that the Green Bay Packers are the world champions, but until they beat the best football teams that Poland or Macau have to offer, can they really be declared as such?
Going back to baseball, how many Hungarians, Ukrainians, or folks from Guadeloupe are on either team’s roster? The United States has not finished in the top-three of either edition of the World Baseball Classic, so it stands to reason that teams with rosters comprised largely of American players can’t be called champions of the world. Consider that the lineups feature mostly players from the Western Hemisphere. As a result, it is this writer’s opinion that the games be renamed the Monroe Doctrine Series. It is also this writer’s opinion that that has as much chance of happening as this writer actually playing in a [insert preferred title here] game.
I grew up in a household where, if the Dodgers weren’t playing in a World Series, then the family would root for the worst possible matchup (if you know your recent baseball history, you can assume that this has happened often). The prospect of a Milwaukee-Texas matchup nearly came to fruition this year. My, how many jokes regarding physical fitness there would have been. Nevertheless, the baseball gods have given us a World Series that has equally alienated both coasts. St. Louis and Texas. On paper, it doesn’t seem fair. How can a single city match up against an entire state? It sounds a lot sexier, though, than saying the Cardinals are taking on the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex Rangers (based in Arlington).
Last year, baseball fans were treated to San Francisco-Texas, a pairing that only Southwest Airlines could love. In 2011, they’ve got St. Louis-Texas, a core requirement in any good trucking school’s post-graduate study program.
There were not a vast amount of previous encounters to talk about between these two. The teams had met in an Interleague series back in 2004. However, for those of you who love historical minutiae — presumably only the ones who made it past the Monroe Doctrine reference to get to this point in the article — you may be interested to know that, during the late 17th century, the French colonized part of Texas in establish Fort Saint Louis in 1685, presumably leaving four years later when no good foie gras could be found. Thus, going in, one could say that St. Louis could lay claim to having previously conquered the state. If only the French had held on a little longer, perhaps coq au vin would still be found in restaurants in the state, instead of a misdemeanor. It’s probably for the best, though, since having someone say “bonjour” in a Texas drawl would be bad for business anyway.
The Cardinals have popularized the rally squirrel; the Rangers have done the same with the claw and antlers (pictured). It’s amazing to think of all the animals used as postseason motivational tools in recent years that baseball teams have yet to contract the hantavirus. The Cardinals talisman was born during an appearance by the furry rodent during the Division Series against Philadelphia. In Texas fashion, since most rodents and wooly beasts are usually shot at, the team adopted hand-gestures mimicking parts of animals during their postseason run last year. Add it all up, and you’re left with a baseball-cum-zoological miasma.
On August 25th, the St. Louis Cardinals trailed the Atlanta Braves by 10.5 games, but, by the end of the season, they left Atlanta in worse shape than during Jane Fonda’s march through Atlanta (probably as damaging for Ted Turner as Sherman’s was for the city). The Texas Rangers recreated their run from last year in no small part due to the efforts of Nelson Cruz, which inspired every hackneyed headline from “Cruz Missile,” “Cruz Control,” and “Cruz Liner.” If Texas fails to win the title this year, the Rangers could be thinking about a Cruz to nowhere.
If the saying holds true that everything is bigger in Texas, then it would seem that the folks at Nielsen probably are not too big on creeds. The ratings returns from this past weekend’s game nearly hit a record low for the World Series. That’s a Texas “T” for turned-off. Maybe the allure of the Cardinals’ 10 World Series rings and the team that brought baseball Bob Gibson, Red Schoendienst Stan “The Man,” Bob Gibson, and Luis Alicea — just checking to make sure you are still paying attention — is not enough to encourage people to tune in.
Judging by the viewing preferences of television audiences, they’d rather watch shows depicting dancing, homicides, or perhaps a mixture of the two (I’m work-shopping the idea as of this writing). One would think the cut-aways of the great Nolan Ryan and former President George W. Bush are ever-present in Texas, would surely be a sight that will make regular viewers of Fox happy. One guy once put Robin Ventura in a headlock. The other did the same to Al Gore.
St. Louis and Texas have gone back and forth in the series, lending more intrigue than if baseball’s championship would be decided by an arm-wrestling contest between the two locales’ mythical heroes … Akon and Matthew McConaughey. It could be all over Thursday night, and Rick Perry might be the grand marshal of the Rangers’ victory parade by the end of the week. Will Texas fans be stuffing themselves with celebratory chili by night’s end or will the St. Louis fans have the pleasure of imbibing Bud Lights in a few days time? Regardless of whether one is a fan or not, it’s a good thing that this matchup probably had people reaching for the antacids at some point.
