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#pounditSaturday, October 16, 2021

Nathan Burris quickly pleads guilty to murder so he can get back to his cell to watch Monday Night Football

Nathan Burris has been in jail awaiting trail to determine his fate after being accused of murdering his ex-girlfriend and her male friend in a shotgun rampage at a toll plaza. On Monday, the 49-year-old was cross-examined in the murder trial and acted as both the defendant and defense counsel.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, Burris’ priority was not defending himself against murder charges but instead getting the cross-examination over with in time to watch Monday Night Football. Burris reportedly “snapped his fingers” and asked that the jury find him guilty quickly so he could return to his cell to watch the Eagles-Saints game.

“I did it. So what?” Burris said. “No remorse, no regrets, no mercy. … You want me to draw it out in crayon?”

Prosecutor Harold Jewitt, who is known for his interrogation tactics, wanted to drill the point home to the jury and asked Burris if his father would be proud of him for what he had done.

“This isn’t Sesame Street,” Burris responded. “They get it, bro.”

The alleged murders happened in 2009, so it has somehow taken several years to sort out a case in which the defendant cares more about watching football than staying off death row. Burris said on Monday that all that matters is that he’s alive and the victims aren’t, so he’s ready to move on.

“You might be disgusted, but it is what it is,” he said to the jury.

Like the people who say stuff like this before receiving a lethal injection, Burris is obviously a sick and twisted individual.

H/T Deadspin


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