Larry Brown Sports

Remember the days when a sports injury could be easily treated with a Band-Aid, a soothing balm, and large handfuls of Excedrin? Well, apparently, those days are gone, ever since baseball players have found new and inventive ways to hurt themselves, while forever cementing their reputation as the clumsiest athletes on the planet — l’eggo my ego. When Rafael Furcal injured himself tripping over rope, not only did he present himself as someone not very skilled at Parkour, but he became yet another in a long line of baseball players who appear to be protégés of Barney Fife.

It’s not as if scores of celebrities haven’t injured themselves in foolish ways, even Presidential hopefuls like Bob Dole have been known to swan dive off a stage for the public’s consumption. Stuff like that happens, especially when you fly in the face of gravity. Baseball players, though, have raised the art to a head-scratching art form.

Perhaps you chuckled when you heard Rafael Furcal, who for all intents and purposes would be labeled an athlete, had trouble navigating the velvet rope you may find at a local movie theater. Baseball provides enough fodder for the AMA to start printing a whole new manifesto.

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Regardless of his relationship with the White Sox front office, it would be tough to argue that Ozzie Guillen has not done a ton for the Chicago franchise.  Guillen played shortstop for the White Sox for 13 seasons before becoming their manager in 2004.  In only his second year in charge of the White Sox, Ozzie led the team to its first World Series championship in almost 90 years.  In a way, the eccentric, outspoken Venezuelan has been a savior for Chicago’s south side.

Unfortunately, that is sometimes not enough to repair a broken relationship between manager and front office.  Many believe Ozzie’s days with the White Sox could be numbered, as the relationship between he and GM Ken Williams is beyond repair.  As for whether or not that has distracted the team, one pitcher who has never been afraid to speak his mind said he actually enjoys the drama.

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Depending on how closely you have followed the NFL offseason, you may have heard something by now about a guy named Chris Johnson. Johnson, who has rushed for 4,598 yards in just three seasons with the Tennessee Titans, wants more money. The Titans are reportedly working on it and want to make Johnson an offer that will satisfy him and get him to camp. In the meantime, C.J. is tired of hearing from Titans fans on Twitter.

Like Arian Foster decided to do on Sunday, Johnson used his Twitter account to rip into fans on Wednesday.  Perhaps these superstars don’t understand how the common fan operates, but acknowledging your critics only makes them louder.

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Before we start making fun of Bryce Harper because he makes it so easy, let us first pay him a compliment.  Good for you, Bryce.  That was very mature of you to reach out to a future teammate and tell him how excited you are to be joining forces.

Harper recently sent a tweet to Angels prospect Mike Trout to convey his excitement about their Arizona Fall League team: “Me and Mike Trout on the same AFL (Arizona Fall league) team!” Harper wrote. “Love how this years working out! We’re stacked with talent. @Trouty20.”

Trout — who belted two home runs on Tuesday — and Harper are indeed two of the best prospects in baseball and should anchor a strong lineup.  Heck, it doesn’t even sound like Bryce will get bored with the team like he has with some others in the past.

While the Tweet is harmless, I just enjoy picking on Harper.  Saying stuff like this and blowing kisses to pitchers really lets his age show through.  Tell me you can’t rememeber playing intramural sports when you were younger and being pumped when your buddies got picked for your team.  Who hasn’t had the “we’re gonna be stacked this year” talk with their friends when they were 14 years old?  As long as Harper’s having fun I guess that’s all that matters.  Oh yeah, and as long as he doesn’t ever wear his hair like this again.

Fist pound to Halos Heaven for pointing out the Harper tweet.

We are all familiar with the rumors that Elin Nordegren has hopped from one billionaire to another and is currently dating Jamie Dingman.  While one would be inclined to think Dingman is a rebound for Nordegren after a horrendous relationship, that did not seem to be the case a month or so back.  In July, the NY Post sited sources who claimed Dingman has “never been so happy” and that he and Elin have “strong feelings for each other.”  Could the honeymoon already be over?

According to OK! Magazine via the Daily Mail, sources are now saying Jamie is “a total playboy, exactly the type of guy a lot of people believe she should be staying away from.”  A separate source said that they feel sorry for Elin and claimed Jamie has “houses and girls all over the world.”

This type of behavior would not be unheard of from a young billionaire, but it’s tough to feel sorry for Nordegren.  She had to have known what she was getting herself into.  Maybe she cannot fathom being with someone who has to think twice before buying a new $10 million mansion.  The bottom line is it was fine to feel sorry for her after the Tiger situation, but she’s an adult.  If Elin gets herself into a similar situation with another spoiled rich guy she has no one to blame but herself.

H/T to Fan Phooey for the story.

UPDATE: Paul Pierce says the report is not true

Wait, Michael Beasley has asthma?  But doesn’t he … never mind.  On to the point.  People born in the 1920s probably think it seems strange to have smoking banned in indoor arenas and sporting venues across America.  While sporting events are a safer place because of it, many of them are accustomed to seeing Red Auerbach puffing on a cigar during Celtics games.  It sounds like Red’s tradition lives on in China.

As you all know, some of the NBA players have been balling over in China during the lockout.  During the International Basketball Cup, an eight-team tournament, Beasley and Paul Pierce both suffered asthma attacks as a result of the smoke that regularly fills the stadium in Shuangyashan, Heilongjiang province.  Both were forced to sit out a game (although Beasley also has an injured wrist). Here’s the translation that NiuBBall.com gathered from a Chinese news site.

“While playing in Shuangyashan, Heilongjiang province… Pierce and Beasley both suffered asthma attacks due to large amounts of fans smoking cigarettes inside the stadium. After the game, things got even more shocking when Beasley fell to the floor in his hotel and started to roll around in obvious pain, scaring everyone around half-to-death. At that point, there was no choice but to dial 120 (the number for an ambulance in China) and take him to the hospital.”

As Deadspin pointed out, Beasley’s reaction may have had more to do with the wrist injury.  Still, it is strange to see smoking allowed at indoor stadiums with what we’re used to in America.  I’m not saying it’s a better way to do things or a safer way –  actually, yes I am. It is.

Call it the gun incident that will never die.  Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton cannot seem to get out from underneath their locker room gun controversy, and at this point there is no telling if they ever will.  As you may remember, Arenas recently hinted that the Wizards leaked the gun story and used it as a tool to end his career in Washington.

With Crittenton currently mixed up in a murder investigation, Mike Wise of the Washington Post passed along some tidbits from a conversation he had with Arenas a while back.  Here is what Gilbert had to say when he was asked if he had spoken to Crittenton since the incident which resulted in both of their suspensions.

“No, but I heard he became more hard,” Arenas said. “You know, like some people turn over a new leaf when something bad like that changes their life. I heard Javaris went the other way — he became more ’hood, more hardened in that way. I don’t know if that’s the case, but that’s what I heard.”

As Pro Basketball Talk pointed out, Crittenton doesn’t need to worry about Arenas’ comments influencing the murder investigation since it is second-hand information.  Still, those aren’t the types of rumors Javaris needs floating around about him when he is trying to clear his name — regardless of the source.

Back in May, Oscar De La Hoya shocked many throughout the boxing world when he admitted to having a drug problem and entered a rehabilitation program.  His drug and alcohol problems reminded many loyal fans that it can sometimes be impossible to tell what goes on outside of the public eye.

On Wednesday, Univision TV released an interview during which De La Hoya opened up about his substance abuse problems and relationship with his wife, among other things.  One portion of the interview that struck me as strange came around the 1:20 mark, when Oscar admits to cheating on his wife but notes that he is not on the same level as Tiger Woods.  Check out the Oscar De La Hoya drug addiction interview, courtesy of Sports Grid:

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At least, I think they are completely unnecessary.  I suppose if you are big into fish and you have millions of dollars to spare, the setup Chad Ochocinco has in his house would actually be pretty cool.  After getting a glimpse of the inside of Ocho’s pad, one has to wonder if he has yet to cash in on staying with a fan because they don’t have enough to offer.  Check out these Chad Ochocinco aquarium pictures that our friends over at Sportress of Blogitude passed along:

The tanks were designed by the Acrylic Tank Manufacturing Company which is run by Wayde King and Brett Raymer.  You may know them from their show on Animal Planet, Tanked.  At least Chad is spending money on things he needs, unlike some other athletes have done before him.

Cedric Benson is going to jail.  Until Tuesday night, there was just some question as to when.  Blogs were buzzing all day Tuesday with information that Benson had agreed to serve a 20-day sentence and would do so during the Bengals’ bye week later this season.  In a rapid change of events, Benson turned himself in Tuesday night at the Travis County Jail at around 11 p.m.

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, good behavior would allow Benson to serve only seven days for the assault incident that occurred back in 2010.  If all goes to plan, Benson would be released by Sept. 6 at the latest and would be back with the Bengals in time to preapre for their Sept. 11 season opener at Cleveland.

Now that he has to serve actual jail time, it will be fun to see if Benson can somehow manage to keep himself out of trouble.  We know it is never his fault — as his July 2011 case has been dismissed — but the Bengals running back always finds his name in news headlines for the wrong reasons.  Will a minimum of seven days in the slammer be enough to straighten Cedric out?  Stay tuned for the next season of Hard Knocks: the Life of Cedric Benson.