LA Has Become a Blake Griffin Story

He is the amazing Blake Griffin, able to leap tall Russians in a single bound. No one’s quite saying he is a superhero yet, after all he is a Clipper … Scavengers assemble! With Donald Sterling’s track record of nonchalance, the Spidey sense of LA Clipper fans should definitely be tingling at the moment, with his free agent status not too far away. Apparently, with great leaping ability comes great respectability. Of course there would be no Superman without Jor-El, but Blake has him beat with an assist from Al-Farouq. Commissioner Eric Gordon has also helped Griffin fight crime, corruption, and double digit deficits. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No … It’s a CLIPPER?!? For those who don’t know, a griffin is a creature from medieval lore that had the body of a lion, the head and wings of an eagle, and for some unknown reason consistently hit its head on the side of the backboard.

Last weekend’s slam dunk contest was quite entertaining fare. After the endless matchups of Dwight Howard-Nate Robinson that had become more played out than Rocky going toe-to-toe with Tommy Gunn, the world was introduced to the Blake Show at the All-Star Game. While the voting results may have been more rigged than a presidential election in Belarus, Griffin gerrymandered his way into the finals. Serge Ibaka landed a dunk while taking off from behind the foul line. In doing so, Air Congo became the first aircraft from the country to successfully land after flying 12 feet… Javale McGee was apparently workshopping ideas on how to get Washington back to the water mark. No word on whether the Wizards will be successful in petitioning the league to use two backboards and three basketballs to improve their odds. DeMar DeRozan reminded everyone … that the NBA still has a team in Toronto (contrary to popular belief).

If you made it through the end of the night (which included two unnecessary musical performances), you surely saw Griffin’s final dunk. Whereas when most people see a Kia, they usually dart the opposite direction (or towards a nearby mechanic), Blake showed the viewing audience that, unlike the Optima, it is entirely possible to go from 0 to 60 in no less than fifteen seconds. He Mozgov-ed the car with an assist from Baron Davis (perhaps a LeBaron would have been more apropos). As soon as his feet landed on one of the finest automobiles South Korea has ever had to offer, McGee had about as much chance of finishing on top in LA as Joe Gillis.

While Blake Griffin’s stock in the Entertainment Capital has continued to rise faster than a starlet’s lips from another injection of Botox, pundits and pun writers alike have been trying to devise the next travesty of a nickname for a budding superstar. While Griffin leaps Kias, Kevin Durant (who has the personality of a Daewoo) continues to lead the league in scoring under the moniker “Durantula” despite my pleas of “OK- sea monster” (whatever). Some have suggested “Blake Superior” because Griffin is from Oklahoma, and Lake Superior is the largest lake in North America … ? Shaq has called him “The Truth,” because no one would believe that Blake is lying when he tells people he plays for the LA Clippers. “Rim Reaper” was also offered up, but that reminds too many people of Yaroslav Koralev’s handle (nickname, that is, as the former first round pick wasn’t very adept at handling the ball, either).

Why stop at nicknames to describe this rising star? His name could easily make it into basketball lexicon. Think about it. Teamwork? A process of give and Blake. An easy basket, a piece of Blake. A bad turnover, and that guy was just half-Blaked. Now that he has successfully hurdled a mid-sized sedan (no, not Stanley Roberts), he has officially surpassed the LA Clippers of yore: Maurice Taylor (“The Human Tire Tread”), Marko Jaric (“the Flying FIAT”), Andre Miller (“Transmission Problems”), Darius Miles (ironically “Poor Mileage”), and Chris Wilcox (“The SUV”- too many times turning over). There you have it, Blake Griffin- the Clippers’ shiny hood ornament, which is a lot more than they could say about a previously touted front court presence, Spastic Man, er, Michael Olowokandi.

After a season lost because of a knee injury, there may have been some skepticism about the newest heir Jordan. While the Clippers may still be buried in the standings, at least Mr. Sterling has stopped heckling the team. Opponents like Miller and Lamar Odom have continued to try and faze the Incredible Bulk by tugging on Griffin’s Adidas-made cape, even if it is breathable mesh. There is something unusual in the air in Los Angeles (other than the thick layer of ever-present smog). Something that the city’s second team has avoided like kryptonite (aka winning). Optimism.

So here’s to Blake Griffin, the Oklahoma-born product who is truly out of this world … Lunar Sooner?