Texas coach Steve Sarkisian responds to crazy monkey attack story

Steve Sarkisian never could have imagined he would be answering questions about his assistant coach’s pet monkey during his first season as the head coach at Texas, but here we are. While the story captured the attention of the sports world and beyond, Sarkisian insists it has not been an issue for the Longhorns.

Sarkisian was asked on Thursday about the reports that a monkey belonging to the girlfriend of special teams coach Jeff Banks bit a trick-or-treater on Halloween. He called the issue a personal matter and said it has not been a distraction for the team.

Sark passes when asked about the monkey story involving an assistant coach. Says that's a personal matter. Does not discuss personal matters in public. "Not a distraction at all."

— Brian Davis (@BDavisUT) November 4, 2021

Texas has lost three straight games to fall to 4-4 on the season. They’ll look to stop the bleeding with a tough road game against Iowa State on Saturday. The last thing Sarkisian’s team needs is a bizarre distraction, but apparently he has not allowed it to become one — or so he says.

And if you haven’t followed the story, you’re missing out. Banks girlfriend, Danielle Thomas, promoted on social media that she would be hosting a haunted house at her home on Halloween Sunday night. She issued an open invitation to her neighbors young and old. After word surfaced that her pet monkey attacked someone, Dani appeared to confirm the story but deny responsibility. She said in a series of deleted tweets that a child entered an area of hers and Jeff’s home without permission. Thomas also said the monkey belonged to her and told people to stop dragging Banks into it.

Animal services is now investigating the incident.

The story took an even wilder turn when we learned that Dani was or is a stripper that goes by the stage name “Pole Assassin.” Further rumors have said Banks, who has three children, left his wife for Thomas. When Thomas performed on stage, she often incorporated a monkey into her act. You can read more of the wild details here.

Even if the story is not a distraction for Texas, there must be plenty of talk about it in Austin this week.

Photo: Sep 4, 2021; Austin, Texas, USA; Texas Longhorns head coach Steve Sarkisian and players sing The Eyes of Texas along with fans after a victory over the Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns at Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Scott Wachter-USA TODAY Sports