Ann Coulter is a conservative author and political commentator who loves spewing outlandish opinions for attention. She has admitted she enjoys stirring the pot, which is exactly what she intended to do when she wrote a column on Wednesday ripping the sport of soccer to shreds.
In her poorly presented argument, Coulter wrote about how individual achievement in soccer is nonexistent. She also bashed the sport for not having enough scoring and not being tough enough. The entire piece is worth reading if you’re in the mood for a good laugh, but here are some of the best parts:
Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That’s when we’re supposed to go wild. I’m already asleep.
This particular World Cup has been jam-packed with drama. We have seen a number of controversial calls and goals that are worthy of SportsCenter’s Top 10 no matter what time of year it is. Did this ball “accidentally” go in?
Some of Coulter’s arguments against watching soccer were so ridiculous we don’t even need to address them.
Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it’s not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.
You can’t use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here’s a great idea: Let’s create a game where you’re not allowed to use them!
And then, of course, Coulter ended with a racist note.
If more “Americans” are watching soccer today, it’s only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy’s 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
On one hand, we didn’t want to give Coulter exactly what she is seeking, and that’s attention. On the other, her arguments were just too idiotic to ignore. Soccer is clearly growing in the US, and it isn’t just the World Cup. Sure, plenty of people will forget the sport exists when the US is knocked out of the tournament, but how do you explain NBC’s massive deal with the English Premier League? Coulter simply isn’t right.
