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Sports fans make the true concessions at the concessions

Various fans in Seattle on Monday went through the range of emotions in the final moments of a three-hour game: the familiar nausea, the hand-wringing, and probably a little bit of the cold sweats. This, however, had nothing to do with the team one was rooting for nor was it the product of any rules misinterpretations… at least far as the play on the field.

Watching a sporting event live often includes witnessing the surreal, the awe-inspiring, and being able to come within arm’s reach of some of the most expensive commodities on the planet. There is usually some stomach churning and thrown in a bout of anxiety. Of course, I am talking about the concession stands at your local sports venue.

If there is one area where an American sports fan can truly be labeled an expert, it is the one that encompasses sitting on the posterior while watching sports. The energy levels remain low and the calorie deficits even lower. What’s more, it is one of the pleasing aspects of sports where perspiration accompanies actual weight gain.

Anyone who has ever walked into an arena has truly been exposed to the blood (medium-rare), sweat (having to hustle before those lines get long), and tears (having to take out a second mortgage to afford ballpark link sausage) of sports fandom. A longtime fixture at sporting events is the Goodyear blimp. However, another less equally appealing fixture are the low-flying zeppelins fueled by a nearly-lethal combination of the Pacific Ocean’s worth of salt, mechanically separated food stuffs, corn syrup, and whatever the illegal drug they use in Gobstoppers.

Some of my earliest memories of going to the stadium as a little tike involved the miasma of a Weingarten that time and, perhaps the Germans, forgot along with the requisite dose of garlic that would keep Nosferatu safely entombed for the rest of eternity. Throw in a roast “beef” sandwich from the Forum, a Cool-a-Coo from Dodger Stadium, and an infarction from the Coliseum, and you have the makings of a true Murderer’s Row.

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Rich Rodriguez attributes success at Arizona to a change in Popsicles

Rich Rodriguez has enjoyed a very good start to his career as the head coach at Arizona. His Wildcats are already 3-0 on the year, including a convincing 59-38 win over then-ranked Oklahoma State. The secret? Stepping up the Popsicle game.

Rodriguez recently told USA TODAY Sports that one part of the Arizona culture he changed when taking over had to do with the type of Popsicles that are given to the team.

“I don’t want to give out average Popsicles,” he said. “We give out them bomb Popsicles. You know, the ones as a kid you love to have?”

The Popsicles he was referring to are one of the most patriotic frozen treats you can buy. If you never had a red, white and blue rocket pop as a kid, you either had some sort of bizarre food allergy, had parents that wouldn’t allow you to eat sugar or simply had a twisted, twisted childhood.

“These things are the mac daddy of Popsicles,” Rodriguez continued. “We’re giving out BCS-level, playoff-bound rocket Popsicles. And if they come out with a better one, we’re going to get a better Popsicle. But the rockets are pretty good.”

The rocket pops have been timeless for who knows how long, so I doubt they’re going to come out with a better one while Rich Rod is the coach as Arizona. What they could do is get Popsicles with their logo branded into them like Sonic did with these burgers. Then the Wildcats would really be cooking.

H/T Dr. Saturday

Morris Claiborne supposedly bought his parents this Cowboys-themed car (Picture)

Morris Claiborne was one of the reasons the Cowboys surprised the defending Super Bowl champs on Wednesday night, as he helped shut down New York’s talented receiving duo of Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks. The No. 6 overall pick is expected to be one of the keys to an improved Dallas defense this season, but we may not have expected him to give his parents the keys to a sweet Dodge Challenger with a Cowboys paint job.

According to Busted Coverage, the photo you see above was sent in by someone who lives in Claiborne’s hometown of Shreveport, La. We tend to believe Claiborne bought the car for his parents, because it’s either that or there is someone out there who is just way too big of a Claiborne fan.

For those of you are thinking this is how NFL rookies wind up filing for bankruptcy, the former LSU standout can spare it. Challengers aren’t all that expensive, and his rookie deal is worth a modest $16.26 million. When he gets into Floyd Mayweather territory and starts buying cars like this one, then we can start making fun of him.

Louisiana-Lafayette gets logo branded onto Sonic burger bun (Picture)

The Louisiana-Lafayette athletic program has officially made it. If you have ever seen a cheeseburger with a team logo branded into the bun, feel free to send it along to us. Otherwise, we’re left to assume that the Ragin’ Cajuns are the only school to date to have received this honor. The official Twitter account for UL athletics tweeted the photo you see above on Monday and noted that Sonic has begun selling Ragin’ Cajun burgers that come with an edible logo on top.

Now that one school has done it, we can expect this to become a popular trend across the country. If Heisman Trophy winners can be turned into a giant edible cold cut sandwich and an NBA player’s beard can inspire fruit arrangements, why shouldn’t you be able to eat a fast food burger with your favorite team or school’s logo on it? Keep doing you, America. You make us prouder by the day.

H/T Dr. Saturday

Les Miles says he once had to eat cow tongue during a recruiting visit

Being a coach in the SEC isn’t easy. Aside from all the pressure that comes with having to figure out the X’s and O’s of coaching against some of the toughest competition in the country, there are also the challenges of recruiting. And with recruiting comes sitting down to dinner at a recruit’s house, which can lead to having to scoff down some pretty strange stuff.

As part of their Playbook SEC Coaches’ Questionnaire for the upcoming college season, ESPN asked every head coach in the SEC what the weirdest thing they have been served during a recruiting visit was. Most said they have enjoyed all of their meals or enjoyed watching their assistants struggle through them, but LSU head coach Les Miles had a story that stood out.

“I had cow tongue,” Miles said. “It was a dessert, and it was in Louisiana. It was pickled. And it looked just like a cow tongue. In fact, it was cow tongue and cow lips, for that matter. Everybody took a little sliver. Kind of chopped it up good. And… it tasted pretty good. It really wasn’t all that bad. It was kind of a little briny. But, you know, I kind of enjoyed it.”

You know how jokes can sometimes write themselves? If you remember, this is the same guy who has admitted he eats grass and has inspired other college coaches to try it. Of course he enjoyed eating pickled cow tongue.

H/T Lost Lettermen
Photo credit: Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE

Panthers DE Thomas Keiser eats Chia Pet seeds to help him stay hydrated

Staying hydrated is extremely important for NFL players during training camp, especially with the incredibly hot temperatures that scorch the country during the months of July and August. Drinking plenty of water is the easiest way to stay safe, but Panthers defensive end Thomas Keiser has a secret that he believes keeps him even safer: Chia Pet seeds.

According to the Panthers official website, Keiser mixes the seeds with his water and then drinks them.

“People ask me all the time if it’s the same stuff that’s in Chia Pets,” he said. “It is. I’ll have probably two or three tablespoons in somewhere between two-thirds and a full gallon of water every day. It helps hydrate you, because it absorbs 10 times its weight in water. And instead of the water just going in your system and flushing right out, it’s going to sit in you longer.”

Keiser said he catches plenty of flack from his teammates for the strange ritual, but that it is too beneficial for him to care. Instead of letting them bother him, he just makes a joke out of it and continues on with his seed routine.

“Most of the guys think I’m pretty weird for carrying that around. I just keep telling them it’s like Mike’s Magic Juice in ‘Space Jam’.”

It’s all fun and games until somebody’s puking the way a dog would after grazing in the backyard a little bit too much. But hey, I guess that’s a lot better than dealing with the dangers of dehydration and heat stroke.

H/T Eye on Football
Photo credit: Michael Hickey-US PRESSWIRE

John Kruk goes to town on some BBQ ribs, uses Gatorade towel as napkin (Video)

John Kruk was on hand for ESPN’s coverage of the Home Run Derby on Monday, but he decided to do what he does best instead: eat.

Royals legend George Brett joined the broadcasting crew for several minutes and brought a taste of Kansas City with him. He shared a tray of Meat Mitch ribs with the group, and Kruk wasn’t bashful about helping himself. The rotund analyst shamelessly started sucking down the ribs and used a Gatorade towel to wipe himself off.

At least he acknowledged how ridiculous he became, saying at one point “I’m moving to Kansas City and I’m not coming home!”

The good news is at least Kruk shared the platter and allowed Orioles OF Adam Jones to sneak in a bone or two.