David Kahn Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for Suggesting Lottery is Fixed

At some point on Tuesday night, the discussion about the NBA draft lottery shifted away from the Cleveland Cavaliers winning two of the top four picks in the draft to David Kahn’s humorous accusation. Kahn, the Timberwolves GM, is known for making asinine remarks such as his assertion that Darko Milicic was similar to Chris Webber. After Webber expressed indignation with the comments, Kahn called him a schmuck. No surprise the notorious mouth of Kahn has opened once again, and this time it let out some words that will likely involve a six-figure fine by NBA commissioner David Stern.

After ending up with the second overall pick despite being the favorite to receive the top overall pick (they had a 25% chance to win the lottery), Kahn said “This league has a habit, and I am just going to say habit, of producing some pretty incredible story lines. Last year it was Abe Pollin’s widow and this year it was a 14-year-old boy and the only thing we have in common is we have both been bar mitzvahed. We were done. I told Kevin: ‘We’re toast.’ This is not happening for us and I was right.”

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Mike Parker Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for Eating Napkins in Drunken Mess

We’ve all done some pretty stupid things when we were drunk, but eating napkins as if they were flapjacks probably is not on the list. Sadly, that’s what the voice of Oregon State, Mike Parker, did a few months ago at a Denny’s restaurant. Parker was in L.A. to call Oregon State’s series against UCLA and USC when he hit the bottle. Dude got so smashed he couldn’t distinguish between food on his plate and his actual napkin. This is not a joke.

You have to see this priceless video courtesy of Deadspin that has been floating around on YouTube since February 12th before Parker finally acknowledged it was him and apologized. Check out this beauty:

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Shin-Soo Choo Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for DUI, Blowing .201

We used to be big fans of Indians outfielder Shin-Soo Choo. Heck, we could have told you he was the most underrated player in baseball before his fellow players gave him that honor in an SI vote. But imagine the irony that the same day SI revealed Choo was named the most underrated player, he does something to make sure everybody knows his name. That’s right, Choo was pinched for suspicion of DUI on Monday in Sheffield Lake after he failed a field sobriety test. I mean just look at that guy, his face totally says “I’m faded bro .. I’m so faded.”

From WKYC and the AP: “According to police, a patrolman first spoke to Choo at 2:25 a.m. He told the officer he was lost and needed directions to Avon Lake. Choo was allowed to continue driving, but was later pulled over when he twice crossed the double-yellow lines and drifted into a bike path. He told the officer his GPS had broken and he was unable to get directions home. Choo’s eyes were bloodshot and he smelled of “an alcoholic beverage,” police said, and he was ordered out of the SUV.”

For an added bonus, you can watch the dash cam video of Choo’s field sobriety test. Watching him trying to toe the line while nearly three times the legal limit is about as humorous as watching Raul Mondesi flail at a curveball off the plate. Check out this drunken mess:

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Mike Leake Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for Stealing T-Shirts

The LBS Nut Bag would like to welcome another member to the club of stupidity, Mike Leake. Leake is a former first-round pick of the Cincinnati Reds and currently a starting pitcher for the team. He was booked on misdemeanor theft charges Monday for allegedly stealing six American Rag t-shirts. No joke.

The former 8th overall pick went straight to the majors last year without stopping for a stint in the minors or passing Go. After taking a pull in the community chest, he could be on his way to jail. The value of the shirts he allegedly stole came out to $59.88 and Leake allegedly removed the security tags and left the Macy’s department store without paying for them.

Leake earns $425,000 this season and signed for a $2.3 million bonus in 2009 according to USA Today. In an interview with them a year ago, he said “I hope I never become a guy that plays the game for the money.” After allegedly stealing $59.88 worth of shirts, can’t say the money’s gone to his head.

To see everyone who’s been sacked by the LBS Nut Bag and why, go here.

Kenny Britt Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for Leading Police on Car Chase

If we were taking bets on which NFL wide receiver would be the next one to get arrested, I’m pretty sure I would have thrown money on Kenny Britt. If you run such a deranged pool, step on down because you can now collect your winnings. FOXSports.com reported late Tuesday evening that Tennessee Titans receiver Kenny Britt was arrested on three charges after leading police on a chase in his hometown of Bayonne, New Jersey.

A sergeant at the Bayonne police department confirmed the arrest to LBS and told us Britt was charged with eluding a police officer (a felony), lying to an officer hindering apprehension, and obstructing governmental function (both misdemeanors). According to the police report which was described to LBS over the phone, Britt was doing 71mph in a 50-mph zone when an officer tried to stop his vehicle. Britt, who was driving a blue Porsche, kept driving and began weaving in and out of traffic. He later exited the freeway, and when police caught up to the vehicle, both Britt and his passenger were walking away from the car.

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Louis Murphy Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for Viagra Possession, Resisting Arrest

Oakland Raiders wide receiver and former Florida receiver Louis Murphy was arrested early Sunday morning in Gainesville for three offenses including Viagra possession without a prescription, failure to obey an officer, and resisting arrest without violence, as the Gainesville Sun reported via Raiders reporter Vittorio Tafur. Murphy apparently was playing his music loudly and was told to pull over, but he kept driving into a parking lot and demanded to know why he was being stopped. According to the Sun, “[the police officer] said Murphy continued to refuse to show his ID and so Harrison attempted to place him in handcuffs, but, he said, Murphy refused to put his hands behind his back.”

To be fair, playing your music loudly isn’t the exactly a horrible offense, so I understand why Murphy would have been frustrated about being pulled over, but you still need to listen to officers. It looks like the arrest could have been avoided had he listened to them. If he avoided that, he would have avoided serious embarrassment in the form of Viagra charges.

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Johnny Jolly Sacked by the LBS Nut Bag for Mixing the Purple Drank AGAIN

After avoiding a felony drug charge because of codeine possession last year, Packers defensive end Johnny Jolly only had one job: to stay out of trouble for a year.

He couldn’t make it.

Pro Football Talk alerted us to a report from CBS in Houston that says Jolly was busted for possession of 600 grams of codeine early Friday morning. The amount he was carrying could be considered enough to constitute possession with the intent to distribute.

In case you’re thinking of codeine as strictly a cough syrup medicine and you’re wondering why he’d be carrying it, codeine is one of the key ingredients to the popular party beverage “Purple Drank.”

Purple Drank aka sizzurp, which you probably hear in rap songs, originated in Houston where Jolly went to high school. The cough syrup is mixed with Sprite and Jolly Rancher candy to form the drink which can become addictive. It was actually one of the weaknesses for JaMarcus Russell who busted out of the NFL.

It would be one thing to sack Jolly with the LBS Nut Bag for sippin on the sizzurp, but what really prompted the sacking was that this is his second offense and that it happened within his one-year probation period. That’s good enough for the defensive end to have his normal job duty reversed. Then again, with a last name of Jolly, one can argue he’s only living up to his name with the arrest.