Patricia Gavin Suing Jerry Jones for $500 Million, Alleging Sexual Assault

When you’re rich and famous, you become a public target. Sometimes it’s for good reasons, other times it’s for bad ones. This is one of the bad ones. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is being sued by a woman, Patricia Gavin, who is alleging sexual assault in a lawsuit full of wackiness. As Out of Bounds points out, Gavin is acting as her own attorney. If you gritted through a few pages of her suit, as I did, you’ll quickly realize that she should have dropped a couple hundred to get someone to proofread and make sense of the darn thing. I’ve honestly read more coherent papers from third graders.

If you can actually bare through the suit, you can make out that Gavin is saying Jerruh sexually assaulted her by the women’s bathroom at a restaurant the night Jerruh was caught on camera dissing Bill Parcells. She also alleges that Jerruh stole her purse, took her home in his limo, pulled out a couple of hundred thinking she was a prostitute, and then a bunch of other jibberish that doesn’t make much sense. Honestly, the suit jumps around more than a Quentin Tarantino film.

DMagazine got the gist of the whole thing and sums up all the allegations “She also claims that she’s an art dealer; that on the night in question, someone stole her purse, which contained a check for $2 million (British sterling); and that, in an effort to cover this whole thing up, Jones’ financial advisors dosed her with GHB. Oh, also? Somebody got an STD from an assault in the bathroom at Al Biernat’s.” Fittingly, this woman was hit with a restraining order that keeps her from having contact with Jerry Jones. She seems that crazy.